


Love At First Touch

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blind AU, Disabled Character, M/M, alternative universe, blind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 40,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Robert's blind. He's come back home to Emmerdale, very much changed from the teenager he was, less cocky, more unsure. Enter a dirty little grease monkey who might make Robert realise everything he was ever looking for, was right back at home all along.





	1. Spring

**Author's Note:**

> The blind AU! Was going to be my Big Bang fic, but due to unforeseen circumstances (Ryan), I dropped out and am posting it in 4 chapters now! Diane does not exist in this universe, Chas and Charity own the pub.
> 
> Some notes. I am not visually impaired and don't know anyone personally who is. So I've done some research and I've made some assumptions about how Robert would live with his condition. If I've got anything terribly wrong, I apologise, and it's not done out of malice. I hope you'll forgive me! Robert's condition is completely fictional, and bears no similarity to anything in the real world. I needed his blindness to have occurred after adulthood, which took out disease or anything degenerative, so I invented my own condition. I hope that's okay. All that waffle said, ENJOY!

“Have the day off.” Aaron looked at Cain like he was crazy across the garage.

“I set the alarm this morning and dragged myself here, and you tell me I’m not needed?” Aaron said, annoyed. Also annoyed at the lack of money. Working at the garage wasn’t the Ritz, but it did keep him solvent, and he needed that, he’d not long got out of prison. Keeping his head above water and his nose clean was about all he was focusing on right now.

“Sorry,” Cain said, and getting an apology out of him was something Aaron hadn’t expected. “We haven’t had the work come in. That taxi firm’s gone somewhere cheaper.”

Oh. Aaron had been expecting to be busy due to that client, he always brought his cars for their yearly service at the beginning of March, making sure everything was in tip top condition. They never took anyone else for this week of the year. “Right, thanks anyway,” Aaron said dully. He should appreciate the day off, and the sun was out, the first weak sunshine of the year so he tied his overalls around his waist and went to the cafe for a coffee. He’d laze around today, maybe his mum could spot him a pint or two later.

Once he’d got his coffee, he went home to get changed into something not covered in oil. Or that was the plan. What he hadn’t bargained on was seeing a man walking into oncoming traffic. He was paying absolutely no attention and the car slammed the brakes as Aaron shoved the man out of the road, hitting him in the chest hard as the man fell to the ground, safely out of harms way, the cars horn beeping loudly as it sped past.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Aaron shouted at the man, his coffee had gone everywhere, over the mans white shirt and the tarmac. Aaron had dawdled enough that it wasn’t hot enough to burn him, thankfully. “Couldn’t you see the car?!”

“No, actually,” the stranger said. “Seeing things isn’t my speciality.”

“What?!” Aaron snapped. Then he saw it. Abandoned on the side of the road, a white cane. Oh God, the guy was blind. Of course he couldn’t see the car. “Oh, my God.”

“It had a quiet engine,” he grumbled. “Didn’t hear it.” He pulled at his now sopping shirt, sitting up from where Aaron had pushed him flat.

“Sorry,” Aaron grunted. “Didn’t mean to spill coffee over you.”

“Could be worse, could be on the way to hospital,” he said. “I’m Robert.”

“Aaron.” He looked around. “Do you need help getting back home?”

“I don’t need a minder, thanks,” Robert said, his voice incredibly snappy. “I’m perfectly capable.”

“I can see that,” Aaron said, giving him a hand to help him get up. “Come on, I knocked you flat. Least I can do is get you home alright.” He did feel slightly bad for covering him with coffee. Last thing a blind guy needed, or anyone come to that.

Robert would have liked to argue but the stink of coffee from his soaking wet shirt disagreed with him. “I’m at the Mill,” he said lowly.

“Oh, you’re the new guy,” Aaron said, pieces slotting into place. “I’d heard someone had moved in, but no one knew who it was.”

“I needed a few weeks to get used to the layout of the house,” Robert said as they started making their way back to the other end of the village, Robert using his white stick to scan the area ahead. “As you might imagine, it takes me a while.”

“So… you’re…”

“Blind,” Robert said. “I won’t faint at the word.”

“God, you’re a snarky git,” Aaron said.

“Some idiot just poured coffee over me,” Robert said sharply. “Thanks though. I didn't want to be run over.”

“Yeah, well,” Aaron said. “I don’t usually do my hero act.”

“Good to know.” Aaron wasn’t sure if he should link his arm through Robert’s to help guide him, but then thought not. Robert seemed a little tetchy about needing help.

“Where abouts do you live?” Robert asked. “Are you local?”

“Yeah, I’m above the pub,” Aaron said. “My mum, Chas, she’s the landlady.”

“How old are you?” Robert asked, and Aaron felt stung.

“Twenty four,” he said. “Yes, I know I shouldn’t live with my mother, but a prison stint didn’t leave me with many options.”

“That’s not why I was asking,” Robert said. “I can’t see you, so I don’t know.” Aaron shrugged. “Prison?”

“Don’t worry nothing major,” Aaron said. “Just a bit of arson.”

“Huh,” Robert said. “I feel confident leading you to my house in that case.” Aaron laughed under his breath.

“I didn’t do it,” Aaron said. “For what it’s worth. My mate did and I took the fall.”

“Why would you do that?”

“He’s my best mate,” Aaron said, like it was that simple. “He was having a bad time and the police had already got me marked down as a wrong-un.” Aaron had no idea why he was telling Robert this. It was none of his business, and being talkative wasn’t usually Aaron’s strong point. Robert reached the door and grabbed his keys from his jacket. It took all of Aaron’s restraint not to ask him if he needed help. He could tell Robert wouldn’t appreciate it one little bit, even so, the few seconds before he got the key in the lock felt agonisingly slow.

“Come in,” Robert said easily. Aaron hadn’t been intending to, but he was curious. The house had been for sale and empty for a while now, and he wanted to know what it looked like inside. The owner - Robert - had also been absent for nearly a month since the "For sale" sign was taken down, though Aaron suspected he had been here, just hadn’t made the villagers aware of it.

It was simple. That was his first thought. All of the usual clutter in a household, it wasn’t there. Everything had its place, the walls were empty of any pictures or artwork, and the whole place looked clean. Apart from a picture of Robert and a woman on the fridge. Aaron took a closer look at it, recognising her.

“Vic?” he asked. Robert swung his head to the fridge where he knew the picture was and nodded.

“She’s my sister.”

“Oh!” Aaron said, connecting the dots. “She mentioned her brother was coming home.”

“You’re friends with her?”

“Sort of,” Aaron said. “She’s my ex from a long time ago.” Robert drew himself up to his full height, almost as if preparing himself for a fight and Aaron laughed quietly. “We’re friendly, don’t panic. It was around about the time I worked out I was gay, so she doesn’t hold it against me. I don’t think, anyway.”

Aaron frowned at himself. Why was he telling a stranger all this information about himself? Usually he was the definition of closed lipped. “Why’d you buy this place?” Aaron asked trying to change the subject as Robert started unbuttoning his coffee stained shirt. Why would he wear something with fiddly buttons, Aaron found himself wondering. Must take twice as long to get dressed.

“I got a lot of compensation,” Robert said. “For losing my sight. Thought I’d spend it on a house, rather than waste it. Emmerdale's home for me, even with the bad memories”

“Oh,” Aaron said. “You weren’t… born…”

“Blind?” Robert asked with a smile, encouraging him. “No, I wasn’t. About four years now.”

“How…”

“I don’t talk about that,” Robert said firmly, and Aaron knew the subject was closed. He was about to ask if he should leave, but Robert had finally got his shirt off, and was naked from the waist up. Aaron stopped breathing, just for a few seconds. He was fit. Far more attractive than Aaron had expected, not overly muscled, very tanned, and freckles everywhere, like he’d just come back from a beach holiday somewhere. Robert dried himself off on a kitchen towel, giving Aaron even more time to admire him. He turned and grabbed the washing basket, clean washing folded there. “Is this a white T shirt?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said quietly. “How do you know colours? Sorry, I shouldn’t… God.” He had so much space to screw up here.

Robert smiled, not offended. “I’ve got a colour detector upstairs,” he said. “I keep it by the wardrobe, so I know when I’m getting dressed.” He put the T shirt on, smoothing it down carefully, then looked at Aaron. Or rather, his face was in Aaron’s direction, the eyes were a little aimless. “Do you want a coffee?” Robert asked. “As I ended up wearing yours.”

“No,” Aaron said, not wanting to see Robert struggle with it, or make him do anything else. “Thanks.”

“Okay then,” Robert said and he seemed a little disappointed.

“Do you want a drink sometime?” Aaron asked. “Not in the village with the gossips, but maybe Hotten? Or… I don’t know. Somewhere not here.”

“Yes,” Robert said, cutting across him. “I’d like that. Thanks, Aaron.”

“Great,” Aaron said, feeling warm all of a sudden. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait,” Robert said. Aaron turned and looked at him, seeing Robert shifting uncomfortably. 

“I’m here,” Aaron said, just in case he thought he was alone.  Robert didn’t speak. “What’s wrong?”

“I want to touch your face,” Robert said. “I know it’s weird, but… To see you, but most people… it freaks them out. I just… I don’t know what you look like, all I know is you can push me out of the way of oncoming traffic.”

“You can,” Aaron said after a moment. It was a reasonable enough request, all things considered. Aaron knew what he looked like after all. Robert didn’t. “I don’t mind.” Aaron grabbed his wrist and put Robert’s palm to his face. Robert’s thumb stroked his eyebrow, then touched Aaron’s closed eyelid. 

“What colour?”

“Blue,” Aaron said. “I guess… bright blue. Brighter than yours anyway.”

“Mm,” Robert said, his fingers going across Aaron’s nose, then along his jawline. This was closer than Aaron expected to be, and he found himself staring into Robert’s eyes. There wasn’t much life behind them, he wasn’t focusing on anything you could tell. But his pupils still moved, as if he could. It would be very difficult just from this to know he could not see. “You’ve got a nice face,” he decided. Aaron rolled his eyes. “I give you a compliment and you roll your eyes at me?” Robert asked. “I felt your muscles move.” Robert finally dropped his palm and Aaron felt relieved. There was something exposing about having Robert touch him like this, it felt more intimate than a simple look would have done.

“I’ll call you about that drink," Robert said surely.

“You want my number?” Aaron asked. Robert handed his phone over and Aaron typed it in, saving it under his own name.

“Great,” Robert said. Aaron nodded, muttered a goodbye, then left, the door closing behind him. Robert waited until he couldn't hear the echo of his footsteps any longer, then collapsed on the sofa, stretching his legs and still smelling coffee. He would until he showered, but at least it had been lukewarm and hadn’t burnt him. 

Aaron had been checking him out. He knew that. The silence as he took his shirt off told him that, the way Aaron hadn’t spoken or even moved until Robert was covered up told him that, even before you got to the admission that Aaron was gay. That was one of the reasons Robert had asked to touch his face. He wouldn’t normally, that was an intimacy that felt far too forward. Unnecessary usually, but he’d been curious. He wanted this Aaron to be slightly on the back foot. What with vision loss, Aaron had a massive advantage, and he just wanted to know what Aaron looked like. He sounded older than he was though, if twenty four was accurate. No reason to think it wouldn’t be, he had no reason to lie. Mind you, if it wasn’t for Aaron, he could be plastered to the tarmac. He should be grateful.

He hadn’t heard the car coming. Probably one of those new electric ones that were super quiet, and that unnerved him. He didn’t like to pander to his disability, a word he very much disliked, and he wanted to be as capable as possible. Having a bright world go black in adulthood had been a very unpleasant shock, and after wallowing for weeks (or maybe months, being honest), he’d been determined to live as full a life as he possibly could do. It had taken years to make the adjustments to being sightless. Many bursts of anger at simple things now proving so complicated, many nights when he cried because how was he supposed to ever meet anyone? He was so lonely most of the time. In the end, he’d listened to his sister and come home. He felt sure that once the villagers had gotten over him being a curiosity, they’d get used to him. One good thing about this village was there was always more gossip on the horizon.

* * *

That night Robert and Vic had dinner in the pub, among the villagers. Pearl and Harriet most certainly chatting about the new arrival while Aaron watched from the corner of the pub. Robert didn’t know he was even there, so he felt free to watch them quietly over his pint. While Pearl kept saying “poor boy” probably loud enough for Robert to hear, but he was ignoring them. Vic glared once or twice though.

Robert kept touching Vic more intimately than Aaron would have expected for a brother and sister. It really was the way he “saw” people. He touched her hand often, tucked her hair behind her ear, squeezed her shoulder. Put a hand to her face once or twice. To a casual observer it looked like they were together. Vic seemed comfortable enough, she’d clearly got used to it and was smiling, pleased to have her brother back. Robert’s eyes were open. He always kept them open which is why his blindness wasn’t immediately apparent, but his eyes didn’t flicker, the way most peoples did. He couldn’t follow people or movement around the room which gave him a slightly glazed over look. Though the smile was bright enough to make up for it.

He didn’t wallow in it. That felt miraculous to Aaron. It could be so easy for him to be so miserable, but he wasn’t. Still smiling. He felt absolutely sure he had bad days, but right now? It seemed amazing to Aaron.

“Another pint?” Chas asked him, drawing Aaron out from his silent contemplation.

“Oh, no thanks,” Aaron said. “Work in the morning.”

“I hear that’s Robert with Vic,” Chas said, nodding over to the table. “She seems very happy to have her brother home.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “He’s moved into the Mill, I heard.”

“I knew someone had,” Chas said. “Vic’s hazy on the news!”

“Don’t you know?” Aaron asked after a moment.

“Know what?”

Aaron nodded to their table and Chas stared blankly until the white cane propped up by the table became apparent, Chas’s mouth forming a silent “O.” 

“I’m guessing Vic’s a bit overprotective.” Robert hadn’t told him to keep it quiet, and the way he gently touched Vic, and his cane was on display.... Well, one of the oldies was going to pick up on it and spread rumours. “I’m going to bed.”

“Night,” Chas said distantly, now watching Robert with renewed interest. Aaron left her to it, sure that Charity had already picked up on it from behind the bar.

* * *

Aaron called Robert the following afternoon. “Aaron calling,” his phone said, technology massively helping Robert. He pressed the button on the side of the phone to answer. “Hello?”

“Hi,” Aaron said. “It’s Aaron. The guy…”

“Who stopped me from being roadkill, I remember,” Robert said warmly.

“About that drink. How about tonight?”

“Sounds good,” Robert said eagerly. He didn’t care about appearing too keen, he wanted to get to know Aaron better.

“In Hotten,” Aaron said. “I don’t want the whole village nosing in.”

“I’d prefer that,” Robert agreed. “You know you’ll have to drive.”

“How stupid do you think I am?” Aaron asked, but it was said lightly.

“See you later,” Robert said, pleased. As soon as he ended the call, he went to have a shower and a shave, making doubly sure he looked good. Robert was bisexual, and he was happy with that. No one knew this about him, though his ex wife probably got an inkling, catching him in bed with a man, but that's besides the point. He wasn’t open about his sexuality, and being blind was the thing most people focused on anyway, so it didn’t usually matter. But he knew Aaron had been watching him out the other day, and he'd openly told him he was gay. It had been an awfully long time since he’d had sex, his confidence in the ability to charm people into bed had faded along with his eyesight. So on the off chance that was what Aaron was after… well, he wanted to look his best at any rate. Even if it was a one time thing. God, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had sex. What a tragic state of affairs. 

He pushed a button on his watch. “The time is 5:47pm.” He had time to decide what to wear. Blue? He looked good in blue. He grabbed his colour detector, a small gadget, and started looking for a blue shirt, pressing the gadget to his wardrobe. “White,” the automated voice said. Robert rifled past it and tried again. “Red.” He sighed and wondered if the white shirt would do the trick. He did hear a "blue" eventually, but it did take a while.

* * *

Aaron rung the doorbell and Robert opened it, smiling. “Just let me grab my keys.” They were on a hook in the kitchen, and Robert checked he had his wallet and phone in his jacket before locking up. Aaron didn’t offer to help, which he felt grateful for. “I’m parked on your drive,” Aaron said and Robert heard the door opening. He felt the bonnet and followed the lines of the car to the passenger seat. Yeah, it took him a bit of time, but he was capable.

“Can you…?” Robert asked. Aaron looked and saw that he couldn’t find the seat belt.

“Yeah, sure,” Aaron said, leaning over and grabbing it. It was one moment, but Aaron didn’t focus on it. Most people did, and it was partly Aaron’s acceptance of his disability that made him want to get to know him more. Most people made a fuss of it and faffed, or even worse, spoke over him, but Aaron didn’t seem to. He seemed to just… treat it like a fact of life. “There’s a new bar in Hotten I want to go to,” Aaron said. “If that’s all right with you?”

“Lead the way,” Robert said.

“Great.”

* * *

The nervousness running through Aaron was immense. He didn’t want to screw up. He knew from experience that when someone knew you had a problem (for him, it was his mental health and self harm) they treated you differently, and he didn’t want to do that to Robert.

“Have you got a family?” Aaron asked, then corrected himself. “Anyone moving in with you, I mean.”

“No,” Robert said. “I used to have a wife, but that didn’t really work out so well in the end.”

“Oh?”

“Want to hear about it?” Robert asked, smiling at him.

“Pearl will probably spread it around the village anyway,” Aaron said, clocking the slightly paler band around Robert's ring finger. “You might as well tell me.”

“Okay,” Robert said easily. “It's not complicated, not really. I married her for money. I shouldn’t have, and I learnt my lesson the hard way, but I was young when I met her.” Robert sighed. “My father kicked me out of my home when I was eighteen, and the lure of having someone with enough money to secure my future? It was too much to turn down, even though I didn’t love her. I’ve always been able to charm the people I wanted to.”

“What happened?”

“Things with Chrissie… went wrong,” Robert said. “Pretty quickly after the wedding. She wanted someone to hang off her arm at the posh events, I wanted a meal ticket. We didn’t have much in common in the end, apart from our fiery tempers. Her teenage son made things worse as well. She found me in bed with someone else, which ended things pretty rapidly.”

“Wow,” Aaron said. “That sounds… intense.”

“Yep,” Robert said. “I’m better off now, I would never get myself in that situation, married to someone I didn’t love, but at twenty two… it felt like the right decision at the time.” Robert cleared his throat. “Something to claw me out of the hole. How about you? Any serious relationships?”

“A couple,” Aaron said. “Not married serious, but yeah. Jackson. He was my first, and… yeah.” Aaron didn’t exactly want to volunteer more information.

“It ended badly?”

“Kinda, he died,” Aaron said shortly. “Don’t, it’s all right,” he added as Robert spluttered to correct himself. It wasn’t all right, but throwing a pity party for himself wasn’t what he wanted to do right now. It would spoil the mood somewhat.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron shrugged, before remembering Robert wouldn’t see it.

“Then there was Ed. He was nice, fun. Went away with him and lived in France for a bit, but we drifted apart. That’s it really. Not much more to tell.” Plenty more to tell, but Aaron didn’t know him yet. Aaron took a sharp right turn and Robert sighed.

“I miss driving,” Robert said. “I can do most things, more than people think I can, but driving’s a big no no. I miss it.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said. “What happened? Sorry, I shouldn't ask.”

“It’s okay,” Robert said with a shrug. “People always want to know.”

“If it’s too personal…”

“I don’t like talking about it,” Robert said. “I remember before, I remember what it’s like to see, and it hurts thinking of before.”

“Consider it dropped.”

“Colour,” Robert said quietly. “That’s what hurts the most, I’ve lost colour.”

Aaron reached across the car and squeezed his thigh, then wondered if he’d completely overstepped the mark. Until Robert’s hand settled on top of his, taking some comfort from him and slowly lacing their fingers together.

“We’re nearly there.”

* * *

Keeping a guiding hand on the small of Robert’s back, he led them to the bar. A nice hubbub of noise, but not too loud that you couldn’t hear yourself think. “Can we sit in the corner somewhere?” Robert asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, seeing a booth that he liked the look of. As soon as Robert’s fingers touched the table top, Aaron dropped his hand, knowing Robert wouldn’t need him guiding him. Robert missed the touch. The heat of Aaron’s palm had been nice. He hadn't needed Aaron guiding him, but he found he'd liked it.

“What do you want?”

“Pint of whatever beer they do,” Robert said. He wasn’t overly fussy, and getting drunk on fancy cocktails wasn’t nearly so much fun alone, as Aaron had to drive them back to the village.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Aaron said and Robert got out his phone, pretending to play on it. People didn’t bother him when he did that. A ruse, to pretend he was normal, rather than being the freak everyone pointed at.

Soon enough Aaron was back, putting his drink on the table, and Robert touched the glass for a second to know where it was. “Thanks.” He took a sip, licking the foam off his top lip. “So, hows living with your mum?”

Aaron groaned. “Lack of options. To be honest, I’m just glad to be out of prison. I love my mum, but she’s a bit... full on at times.”

“How long were you in prison for?” Robert asked. “Out of curiosity.”

“A couple of months,” Aaron said. “They got me on skipping bail, rather than actual arson.” Aaron swallowed. “I have occasionally got a bit of a temper, and when the police give me hell… well, I just get wound up. They expect me to break the law because I’m a Dingle.”

“I see,” Robert said, smiling. “Maybe I should be more wary. Out with a Dingle. Keep hold of my wallet.”

“Cheeky git,” Aaorn said, both of them laughing. “I work at the garage,” Aaron said. “What do…”

“You can ask what I do for a living,” Robert said. “I won’t bite.”

“Sorry, I just assumed…”

“I’m a writer,” Robert said. “I've got a weekly column in one of the papers, it’s about living with blindness. It probably wouldn’t be enough to live on, but the compensation for my sight loss more than covers it.”

“How can you write?” Aaron said, then stuttered. “God, shut up!” Aaron hissed at himself.

“Voice recognition software is a lifesaver,” Robert said honestly. “I wouldn’t be able to do everything that I do if the technology didn’t help me. If my laptop breaks on me, I’ll be helpless.”

“Vic wouldn’t help you get a new one?”

“Of course she would,” Robert said. “I don’t like asking.”

“Do you…”

“Go on.”

“Read braille?”

“No,” Robert said. “I didn’t grow up like this, so it’s easier for me to just use standard letters. I’ve got a keyboard that recognises my typing now, so there’s no need for me personally.”

“I feel stupid for asking.”

Robert reached for his hand, and Aaron flipped his palm over so they could touch properly. “I’d rather you ask than assume things about me. People make all kinds of assumptions, that I can’t live alone, I can’t take care of myself. I must be on benefits because no one could have a proper job with my condition. Just ask, it’s easier.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. He did not pull his hand away. Instead, Robert’s fingertips slowly traced the shape of him and it made Aaron’s breath catch. Maybe Robert didn’t mean it to be this intimate, but it really felt like it. “Well?” Aaron said, to break the silence if nothing else. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable, for no good reason.

“Workers hands,” Robert said. Maybe he could sense it, because he pulled back, occupying himself with a drink. Aaron missed it immediately. This was going to take some getting used to, but Aaron wanted to get used to it. He liked Robert, he could tell that if he wasn’t careful he could get in way too deep with him.

* * *

“Another?” Aaron asked, seeing Robert’s empty glass.

“No,” Robert said, disappointing him. “Can you point me in the direction of the loos?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, looking for a sign on the wall somewhere. He’d never been in this bar before. He clocked it and said “follow me,” Robert gripping his hand as they weaved through the crowd. Soon enough they were in a corridor, much quieter leading to the toilets. Robert reached into his jacket for his collapsible white stick, even though he didn’t like to use it. There was a limit to asking for Aaron’s help.

“First door on the right is the gents,” Aaron said.

“Thanks.” Robert was struck by a sudden need to touch Aaron, he couldn’t help it. He pushed Aaron into the wall, making Aaron “oof” with surprise. Robert stood very close to him, feeling him against his body. “You’re not straight.” Aaron felt the need to establish that at the very least.

“No,” Robert agreed. “I’m bisexual.”

“Do you want me?” Aaron asked. Right to the point.

“I’ve not really had a good look at you yet,” Robert said, hands sliding around his hips to try and make his point clear, exactly what he meant by “look.”

“We can’t do that in public,” Aaron said.

“No, we can’t.”

Aaron leaned forward, going for a kiss when a shout interrupted them. “Lads, get a room!” It was teasing and light, but it broke the moment. Robert knew what he’d been about to do, had felt the warmth of his skin getting closer, could sense it. Instead, Robert put his palm to Aaron’s face and slowly kissed his cheek. Aaron shuddered under his touch and Robert smiled. He nodded towards the toilets.

“Give me a couple of minutes, then we’ll get out of here.”

“Great.”

* * *

The car journey back to the village felt… strange. They both knew the atmosphere had changed, but also the pause to get back home? It felt odd. Robert reached across Aaron and squeezed his thigh, smiling at him. “You still with me?” Robert asked.

“Yes,” Aaron said. “Very much.”

“Good.” Aaron pulled up outside the Mill and Robert carefully unlocked the door, pressing Aaron against the closed door before he could so much as move. Robert breathed in deeply. Aaron kept his arms by his side, letting Robert take the lead.

“Can I touch you?”

“You already are,” Aaron said with a smirk. “Yeah.” Robert took one finger and ran it across Aaron’s lips, slowly tracing the shape of him. It felt incredibly intimate and Aaron started to breathe heavier. He took a risk and sucked his finger for a second, making Robert smile at him.

“I want to look at you,” Robert said. Aaron stood still while both of Robert’s hands traced his body, his arms, even his hips and thighs before returning to his face. He kept his hands light, not overly familiar, but still far more intimate than Aaron was used to. At least with their clothes still on. “Thank you.”

“I know it’s different for you,” Aaron said. Robert made a move that was half a shrug. Aaron closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Robert’s. Robert looked almost thunderstruck and Aaron thought he’d misread things terribly. But no. There had been nothing subtle about Robert’s palms skimming over his body. Robert’s lips twitched, and he kissed Aaron, closing his eyes and sinking in to it. Aaron smiled against his kiss, before really heating it up. Robert’s fingers touched Aaron’s waist, pushing his T shirt and hoodie up. Aaron paused for a second, self conscious about his self harm scars, before remembering Robert wouldn’t see them. He'd never know they were even there.

“Okay?” Robert asked, breathing deeply and rolling his hips against Aaron’s crotch.

“Mm,” Aaron said. “Need a sofa.”

“I can arrange that,” Robert said, boyish grin on his face. Aaron’s hoodie fell away as Robert guided them to the sofa, familiar with the layout of his house. Desperate hands pulled Aaron’s T shirt off before pushing him flat on the sofa and straddling him, then kissing his chest. Warm tempting skin under his mouth, the faint scent of sweat and beer. Or was the beer from himself? Aaron was fit. Not muscles he’d worked on in a gym, but muscles from hard work. Matched his slightly calloused hands. Robert mouthed at his collarbone, then neck, making Aaron sigh and groan underneath him.

“I don’t have sex on first dates,” Aaron said.

“Oh,” Robert said. As soon as Aaron had taken it off the table, Robert suddenly wanted him really badly. It had been so long for him. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, a playful laugh in his throat. When Robert heard the laugh, he froze. Was Aaron laughing at him? Was he making a complete fool of himself? Throwing himself desperately at Aaron when the man wasn’t even interested? Was he just pitying the poor blind guy? “Hey,” Aaron said stroking his hair. “I’ve lost you.”

“Are you just…” Robert felt so vulnerable, and he felt reminded exactly why he’d not been with someone in so long.

“Hey, I want you,” Aaron said. He thrust his hips against Robert’s, and even through their jeans, he could feel him hard. “I wasn’t laughing at you, only laughing because… this is fun. That’s all. Remember fun?”

“Sorry,” Robert said, feeling embarrassed, instinctively believing him. “I don’t always know.”

“It’s okay.” Aaron really sounded like it was, kissing him again. Robert closed his eyes, getting lost in Aaron’s kisses. He tasted good, felt even better pressed against his body and Robert was turned on. He tried not to thrust against Aaron, he didn’t want to come off as desperate, but it felt so difficult with Aaron’s body pressing into him deliciously.

“I should go,” Aaron said eventually, breathless.

“Not yet,” Robert whined.

“I’ve been here ages,” Aaron said. “Got work in the morning. It’s not that I… I don’t want to leave.”

“Then don’t,” Robert said. "You can stay here. I promise not to pounce on you."

“I have to go.” He was already getting up and getting dressed and Robert felt the lack of him acutely.

“Can we do this again?” Robert asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. “I’d like that.” Aaron leaned over Robert and kissed him lingeringly, lips caressing his own. He grabbed his shirt and threw it back on. “Text me, okay?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Tonight was fun.”

“Mm,” Aaron said. “It was. Bye.” Aaron kissed his cheek once more, then was gone, leaving nothing but the echoing of the closed door behind him.

* * *

They didn’t see each other for three days. Robert didn’t want to seem too eager, and Aaron had been roped in to doing some overtime at the garage. Cain was paying double time, so he couldn’t say no. Aaron was also aware he’d lied. Not having sex on first dates? Downright lie, but he was nervous about being with Robert physically. What if he wasn’t enough? He was self aware, and he knew he was physically attractive, but with that stripped away... what would Robert think of him? So he’d pushed it off the table.

On the third afternoon since their drink, Robert walked up to the garage, white cane running along the ground, feeling his way. Aaron dropped the spanner randomly into the toolbox and looked at him. Robert didn’t drive, so he wasn’t at the garage for a professional reason. “I’m taking an early lunch,” Aaron called to Cain. He was on his back under a motor with his hands full, so he couldn’t exactly argue.

Robert had heard Aaron. “Who says I’m here for you?”

“I might just fancy a sandwich,” Aaron said with a shrug. He reached out to touch Robert’s hand and tugged gently, letting Robert know they were walking back to the village. He didn’t want to be in Cain’s earshot, because it was bound to get back to his mother. “What can I do for you?”

“I wondered if you had time to… I don’t know, hang out?” Robert frowned, like the words were foreign on his tongue and Aaron let out a quiet laugh.

“Yeah, go on then,” Aaron said. “Do you mind if we stop at the cafe?” he asked. “I haven’t eaten breakfast today.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Robert said eagerly. Aaron smiled, touched Robert’s palm once then carried on. Once they reached the main street, Robert folded his cane and tucked it in his jacket pocket. Aaron must have paused, because he explained. “I know where I’m going now. Cafe’s not that far away.” He pressed against Aaron, gripping his arm and whispering into his ear. “I’m not helpless.”

“I know,” Aaron said.

Going into the cafe, Aaron ordered a bacon sarnie, even though breakfast had passed, Robert ordered just a coffee. Bob hesitated for a second as Robert’s eyes weren’t focused on him, and it was clear Bob thought he was being rude. Especially when Robert didn’t pick up his coffee cup when Bob put it down on the counter.

“Rob,” Aaron said gently, passing him the cup. “You don’t tell people?” he asked as they left the cafe, Aaron’s bacon sandwich begging to be eaten.

“No,” Robert said. “They’ll figure it out soon enough, but some people here know me from before. No one assumes I’m blind because my eyes look normal. I let people work it out for themselves. You caught on quicker than most.”

“White stick,” Aaron said in explanation. “That and the car trying to mow you down.” Robert smiled slightly.

“Ah. That.” 

“Where are you taking me?” Aaron asked, following Robert around the corner, walking aimlessly.

“How long’ve you got?” Robert asked.

“Whatever,” Aaron said. He’d deal with Cain later. He was family after all. It wasn't like Cain had never missed a shift at work.

“I want to show you where I like to go. My favourite place in the village,” Robert said.

“Is this an excuse to spend time with me?” Aaron asked.

“Maybe,” Robert said, but his cheeks flushed pink. Aaron squeezed his hand.

“Lead the way.”

* * *

They walked towards the cricket pavilion. Robert found a spot near the trees, clearly his usual place as he sat down.

“I like it here,” Robert said as Aaron sat down next to him. The grass was slightly damp, but it wasn’t too bad and Robert didn’t seem to mind. “It lets me clear my head sometimes. Are we alone?”

“One dog walker went past ten minutes ago, but right now, yeah, we are,” Aaron said. He nuzzled into Robert’s neck, just for a few seconds as he lost his inhibitions.

“Close your eyes,” Robert said. Aaron did as he asked, then felt Robert’s thumb on his closed eyelids.

“Don’t trust me?” Aaron asked in disbelief.

“Just checking,” Robert said, a smile in his voice. “I want you to see what I see. Tell me what you can hear.”

“Nothing,” Aaron said.

“Please,” Robert said. “Humour me.”

Aaron fell silent, concentrating. Well, it wasn’t silent, that much was sure. “Marlon’s mowing the grass.”

“How do you know it’s Marlon?” Robert asked softly, a hand sliding up to thread through Aaron’s hair. That made Aaron stop and think. How had he known?

“The lawn mower’s coming from the other side of the pavilion,” Aaron said. “Marlon’s the only one who lives that way.”

“What else?” Robert asked soothingly, fingers relaxing Aaron as he almost massaged his scalp.

“Birds,” Aaron said. “In the trees.”

“Mm,” Robert said. “They get louder towards sunset, then they stop. Anything else?”

Aaron screwed up his eyes trying to concentrate. This was hard, he had to really think about what was around him, rather than simply looking. “I can smell flowers,” he settled on.

“Primroses,” Robert said. “That’s why I like it up here. It’s a bit of peace away from everything, where I can just be. I remember it here, so I can sort of know what it looks like too.”  Aaron opened his eyes and saw the look of contentment on Robert’s face and he simply had to kiss him, closing the distance and pressing his lips to Robert’s. Robert cradled his face, large hands on either side and Aaron sunk into it. Robert kissed very well, and Aaron felt lightheaded and breathless, gasping at the end of it. Robert grinned.

“You talk about your blindness quite easily,” Aaron noticed, pressed up against Robert’s chest.

“That’s the thing, I don’t,” Robert said. “Not with anyone else, but you… I barely know you, and it’s so easy to talk to you. You don’t make me feel small.” Aaron knew that was a compliment and he snuggled into Robert’s chest. “Lets talk about something else. What films do you like?”

Aaron laughed. “My favourite? Probably Rocky.”

“God, really?!” Robert said with horror and Aaron grinned. “Do you box?”

“I have,” Aaron said. “Usually do it when I’m stressed.” Robert felt for his bicep and “mmed” under his breath. “Punching something is a good stress relief sometimes.”

“Something, not someone?”

“Something,” Aaron confirmed. “I have got a bit handy with people in the past, but… yeah, not anymore.”

Robert considered. “I guess I can put up with your terrible taste in films, if you wanted to come around mine one night to watch it.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asked, feeling brighter.

“Not like I can actually see it anyway,” Robert teased and Aaron laughed. 

“I’ve not smiled this much in ages,” Aaron said. It was true, hanging out with Robert made him feel lighter and more at ease within himself in a way he couldn’t fully explain. He’d only just gotten to know Robert too. He wanted to know more about him. “What films do you like?” Aaron didn’t hesitate asking, even with Robert’s vision loss. He knew Robert wouldn’t appreciate it.

"I was a bit of a comic book nerd as a kid,” Robert said, shrugging into the grass. “I like those kinda things, but I’ll watch almost anything.”

“We’ll have a film night,” Aaron said, feeling confident. “Popcorn too.”

“Sounds like a date.”

“Yeah, it does,” Aaron agreed. They fell quiet, enjoying each others company in the quiet peacefulness of the day.

It wasn’t until it started getting cold that Aaron moved. “I should get back. Got to explain to Cain where I was today.”

“One more kiss,” Robert urged and Aaron smiled into a brief touch of lips. “See you soon?”

“Yes,” Aaron said surely. “You can count on it.”

* * *

Aaron spent his evenings in the bar, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t waiting for Robert to come in. Maybe he shouldn’t be using Robert’s blindness to his advantage (it was definitely morally grey) but Robert would have no idea he was being spied on, so it almost felt safe. He didn’t have to pretend it was a coincidence, could just pretend he wasn’t even here.

It was on the third night that Robert came in, Vic fussing over him as she led him to his seat. “I’ll be off work in a minute. Do you want me to make you dinner? Chas won’t mind even if I’m off shift.”

“Stop mithering,” Robert said testily. “I am capable.”

“I know,” she said. “I’ve just missed you. It’s how I show I care! Shall I get the drinks in instead?”

“That you can do,” Robert said. “Pint, thanks.” Aaron watched them until their glasses were nearly empty, then made his move.

“Shall I buy the next round?”

“Oh, hi Aaron! Have you met my brother, Robert?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “We’ve bumped into each other.”

“He er… stopped me being run over the other day," Robert admitted.

“What?” Vic squealed. “Oh, Rob, be more careful!!”

“It wasn’t intentional!” Robert bit back, irritated. “I’m not used to the roads here yet. Someone drives a bloody silent car too.”

“All right,” she said, thankfully dropping it. “Vodka and coke if you’re offering,” she said to Aaron.

“I’ll have a refill,” Robert said and Aaron nodded.

“Sure,” he said, once he remembered Robert wouldn’t exactly see the nod.

When he brought their drinks back to the table, he squeezed in next to Robert, Vic on the opposite side of the table.

She kept blathering on about Marlon at work, and then Ellis her on/off boyfriend, and Robert was politely paying attention. Until Aaron started letting his hand wander under the table. Robert breathed in quickly, the only sign he’d felt Aaron’s hand skimming over his thigh, but Vic didn’t notice. Aaron let his fingers spread over Robert’s jeans, squeezing him firmly.

“You and Marlon had an argument?” Aaron asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

“He wants to try more exotic stuff,” Vic said, rolling her eyes. “It’s never going to sell here! Most people in the village never leave Yorkshire, let alone trying Marlon’s French cuisine.”

“Why did you ask?” Robert said.

“Marlon's looking at her behind the bar.” Vic whipped around, saw Aaron was right and went to talk to him, leaving Aaron and Robert thankfully alone. Robert let out a heavy breath at Aaron’s touch and he laughed. “Want me to stop?”

“No,” Robert said. “Give a man a bit of warning.”

“Where’d be the fun in that?” Aaron asked. He pressed at Robert through his jeans and Robert almost snorted into his pint.

“Vic’s talking to Chas about the rota,” Aaron said lowly, thumb pressing against the seam of Robert’s jeans. “There’s no one around us.”

“God, what are you doing to me?” Robert said, taking a deep breath and trying to retain some composure. Aaron chuckled and it sounded dirty, making Robert shiver. Aaron squeezed him again and Robert let out a quiet whine he should have been embarrassed by.

“Want to go upstairs?” Aaron asked.

“Yes,” Robert said fervently.

“Say goodbye to Vic,” Aaron said. “I’ll meet you outside.” He gave Robert one more touch and then left, leaving Robert trying to catch his breath.

* * *

Aaron waited for him in the hall of the pub. It took about two minutes for Robert to appear, thankfully alone. He’d managed to shake Vic, then. Aaron grabbed his hand.

“Trust me?”

“Yeah,” Robert said, surprising himself. “I think I do.”

“Going round the back of the pub and upstairs,” Aaron said. “Follow me.” Robert squeezed his hand tightly, going wherever he led.

Soon enough they found themselves in Aaron’s bedroom, Robert only having misstepped at the top of the stairs. “Finally got you to myself,” Aaron muttered before kissing Robert’s neck, lips caressing his skin. Robert closed his eyes and threw his head back against the door, Aaron’s hand curving around his arse. Their bodies were pressed tightly against each other, the promise of what to come potent in the air.

“How about third dates?” Robert asked. “Sex on third dates?”

“Do you count a drink with your sister as a third date?” Aaron teased.

“With what you were doing to me under the table, yes,” Robert said fervently, making Aaron laugh.

Robert's fingers scrabbled at Aaron's clothes, desperate. “Are you tanned?” Robert asked, no idea where the question came from, his palms stroking Aaron’s stomach.

“No,” Aaron said, tugging his T shirt off. Then his brain caught up with him, and what would a white lie hurt? Robert would never know the difference. “I’ve changed my mind, yes I am,” Aaron said and Robert laughed, eyes crinkling in a happy smile.

“Uhuh,” Robert said in disbelief, both of them laughing into a kiss. They both frantically pulled at each others clothes, shirts finding the floor as Aaron took charge and pushed Robert onto the bed. Robert opened his thighs, bracketing Aaron’s body as he kissed Robert, lips caressing against his neck, breathing heavily as Robert tipped his head backwards, letting Aaron kiss all the skin he wanted. Robert dragged his hand down Aaron’s back, stopping at his jeans, thinking for a second before slipping his hand under the waistband. “This okay?”

“Mm,” Aaron said, and Robert felt his nod before squeezing his arse. Aaron groaned, a deep satisfied sound and rolled his hips into Robert. He could feel Aaron hard against his thigh. Good. Aaron ran the edge of his teeth against Robert’s nipple, and he shuddered at the unexpected sensation, gasping.

“Too much?” Aaron asked, pulling back.

“No,” Robert breathed. “I really like that.” Aaron did it again with more confidence and Robert whined. He blew against Robert’s wet skin and he shivered before taking charge and flipping them over, trapping Aaron with his body and rolling his hips against him. His jeans were starting to feel uncomfortably tight and would have to go soon. Robert put his palm to Aaron’s face, wishing bitterly for just a moment that he could see him, that he wasn’t in darkness. He kissed Aaron, to try to push the feeling away. Aaron twisted away from him, and Robert backed off, giving him some space.

“No, it’s alright,” Aaron muttered, grabbing something from the side, before pulling Robert back down on top of him. “Condoms.”

“Oh,” Robert said, then smiling at him. He leaned down for a kiss, missed and caught Aaron’s nose, making Aaron laugh. Robert flushed bright red, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Aaron leaned upwards and kissed him on the nose in return. “See?” Robert smiled, and with a hand on Aaron’s chin to guide him, kissed him properly this time. He fumbled with Aaron’s jeans, trying to get them off, Aaron helping kick them away, dragging his underwear off as well. Robert kissed down Aaron’s body, mouthing at his skin, down his stomach. He could smell the sharp male scent of him and knowing Aaron wanted him turned him on. That was until he felt Aaron tense, and not in a good way. Robert could feel it through his stomach and he pulled back and straightened up, keeping his hand to Aaron’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said, swallowing. “This is… weird. You can’t see me, and…”

“You’re nervous.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said.

“You’ve never had sex in the dark before?” Robert asked.

“Well… yeah,” Aaron said. “Course. Not the same though, is it? What if… I’m not enough?”

Robert felt more confident when he realised this was about Aaron’s own hangups, and it wasn’t really to do with his vision loss. “Turn the light off, and just feel me,” Robert said. “I want you, but if you want to wait, or you don’t want me…”

“No,” Aaron said. “I do, I want you.” He turned his face and kissed Robert’s palm before taking his suggestion and flicking the lights off. It took a few moments, but then Aaron gained more confidence, kissing Robert surely.

“Have you been with a guy before?” Aaron asked breathlessly.

“Yeah,” Robert said, kissing him again. “Not for a while though. Hard to meet people sometimes.”

“Mm,” Aaron sighed into the kiss, pulling Robert’s jeans and underwear off together, making them both naked.

“How are we doing this?” Aaron said breathlessly.

“Oh, I want you to fuck me,” Robert said confidently. “If you…”

“Works for me,” Aaron agreed. “Roll over.”

Robert smirked, kissing him before he did so, pushing the sheets down. Aaron’s hand curved around his arse, and Robert closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling. He already felt at a disadvantage, but like this he also felt vulnerable. Maybe this had been a stupid idea. Aaron pressed himself against Robert’s body, spooning behind him, skin contact everywhere and it made some of Robert’s nerves vanish as Aaron kissed into his neck. Aaron slid off him, reaching for the lube and Robert tensed for a moment.

“Okay?” Aaron asked, catching it, a palm on his back.

Robert nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ve not been with anyone for a while.”

“I’ll be gentle,” Aaron said, half a tease as he kissed Robert’s shoulder. Robert could hear the click of the bottle opening, and then suddenly he felt a finger circling his entrance. He arched into Aaron’s touch and whined when it became clear he was taking his time.

“Aaron…”

“Be patient,” Aaron said, leaning over Robert’s body and biting him playfully on the shoulder, just enough to really feel it. Finally Aaron pushed a finger in, and Robert grunted.

“Good?” Robert nodded before Aaron pushed deeper and he groaned. Robert closed his eyes, moaning as Aaron started stretching him with two fingers, opening him up. God, it had been a while. Aaron found his prostate, rubbing against it and Robert jerked, gasping, body crying out for “more!” Then three fingers and Robert couldn’t remember being this hard in his life, he felt like he might explode with just a touch.

He heard Aaron rip the condom packet open and put it on himself, and Robert froze. “Wait.” He’d realised Aaron was planning on spooning behind him and fucking him that way, and he didn’t want that. “I can’t.”

“Oh,” Aaron said, voice filled with disappointment.

“I meant… not like this. I still want you, it’s just… I want to face you.”

“Oh!” Aaron said, much brighter. “Okay.”

“I feel less… vulnerable.” Even admitting that had made him feel stupid, but when Aaron kissed him on the mouth slowly, he felt glad he'd been honest. Aaron shifted them, Robert wrapping his thighs around Aaron’s body tightly. Aaron stroked his thighs before adjusting Robert’s hips and Robert gasped as he felt Aaron nudging against his hole. 

“Come on,” Robert whispered, his hand pulling at Aaron’s hair a little. Aaron kissed him at the same time as he thrust in and Robert whimpered. Aaron didn’t stop until he bottomed out, groaning against Robert’s neck.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he gasped. “Oh God.”

“Give me a minute,” Robert breathed. He felt on the edge of pain, waiting for the burn to subside, the feeling of being stretched beyond bearing to fade into a fullness that felt so good. Robert squeezed his thighs around Aaron after a minute or so. “You can move now.”  Aaron arched his hips and Robert moaned, low in his throat. “Fuck me like you mean it.”

“Sure about that?” Aaron teased. Robert smiled, then groaned at a deep thrust. Robert kept one hand on Aaron’s face, or in his hair, on the back of his neck, the touch helping him stay in the moment without his vision. Aaron kept a fast rhythm and Robert arched up when he hit his prostate, repeatedly.

“God!” Robert gasped. “Ah, please, more…”

Aaron didn’t have the breath to reply with, just kept rocking his hips and making Robert moan. Every now and then he kissed whatever skin was in reach and Aaron knew Robert was close. Could feel it in the way he twitched underneath him.

“Aaron, I…” Robert groaned deeply, loud enough for the whole pub to hear him. Aaron reached between them and got a hand on Robert’s cock, stroking him off quickly. Robert gasped, so close to the edge. “Come on…” Aaron twisted his fist and Robert came, moaning with his orgasm as Aaron thrust inside him again. Robert felt very over sensitive as Aaron got nearer his own climax. Aaron's grip on his hips felt bruising as he shuddered as his orgasm hit him.

Robert wasn’t sure if he drifted off to sleep for a few moments, but the next thing he felt was Aaron cleaning him up with a cloth and he moaned. “You’ll thank me in the morning.” Robert pulled Aaron back into bed and gave him a soft, sweet kiss, far more gentle than a one night stand should feel like. Then the pillow was far too welcoming, and he fell asleep.

* * *

A sharp jolt in Aaron’s leg woke him up abruptly. He blinked himself to consciousness and saw Robert kicking the sheets. Looking at his face, Aaron saw that he was still asleep, clearly unaware that he’d done it. It was six thirty and Aaron debated going back to sleep, but the longer he thought about it, the more awake he was, and the moment was gone. Robert looked relaxed in sleep and it was all he could do not to run his hand through his hair. Seeing every flicker of emotion on his face last night had felt so special. Even though Robert had said turn the lights off, one lamp had stayed on, enough for Aaron to see him when his eyes had adjusted. 

It had been slightly different, because he hadn’t felt self conscious watching Robert’s reactions so closely. It had felt far more intimate than a usual quick screw. Every time he’d hit Robert’s sweet spot, his eyelashes had fluttered, without Robert even being aware of it. Aaron sighed, and got up, deciding to have a shower. He found Robert’s phone on the floor where it must have fallen and saw clothes thrown everywhere. 

Robert probably wouldn’t know where his things were, so Aaron spent a few minutes gathering everything. Then the shower was calling his name.

* * *

Robert woke up with a groan. His body felt well and truly wrecked in the best possible way, and a few hours sleep hadn’t helped him recover much. “Aaron?” He reached across the bed sheets but there was no one there. Then he heard the shower going, and he cursed under his breath. This had been a bad idea. He was in a strange house, in Aaron’s bed and essentially unable to move from the mattress because he didn’t know where his clothes were, and he was massively unfamiliar with the room. He pressed a button on the side of his watch that he never took off. “The time is 7:01 a.m.” came the automated voice and Robert relaxed a fraction. It was still early, he might be able to get out of the pub without anyone noticing. Although… yeah, people were going to notice. He and Aaron hadn’t been quiet last night. Then in the distance he could hear what he assumed was the drayman, delivering for the pub. Walk of shame it is then.

He heard the shower stop, footsteps, then a door being quietly opened and shut. “I’m awake,” Robert said.

“Morning,” Aaron replied, and Robert felt his damp chest leaning over him for a kiss, soft and almost delicate.

“This was a mistake,” Robert said, feeling Aaron freeze above him.

“Right.”

“No, not sex,” Robert said, shaking his head and hating his lack of vision. “Definitely not the sex. I meant here. I don’t know where anything is, I don’t know the layout of the building, I feel… lost.” It killed him to admit it.

“Okay,” Aaron said again, this time in a much warmer tone. “Your clothes are folded up on the chair here.” He guided Robert’s hand to the back of the chair. “Your phone’s charging on the bedside table.” Again, showed Robert with his palm where it was. “With a mug of tea.”

“You made tea?” Robert asked quietly.

“I wasn’t kicking you out without a drink,” Aaron said. “I’d make you breakfast, but… my mother.” Robert flinched and Aaron laughed, a warm carefree sound as Robert took a careful sip. “Do you want a shower?”

Robert hesitated. The truth was yes, he did, but he wasn’t sure if he had the mental energy to navigate a brand new shower, or if he should just wait until he got home. Aaron seemed to sense it, and he patted Robert’s shoulder. “Come on, I’ll give you a hand. Not like that,” he added in response to Robert’s raised eyebrow and smile.

He followed Aaron through to the en suite, and wrapped a towel around his waist so he wasn’t completely naked. “Here. Turn this for the water to be on or off.” He showed Robert the dial. “Push this up or down for hot or cold water. Shampoo. Soap.” He spoke slowly, detailing everything as carefully as he could.

“I feel stupid,” Robert said, embarrassed.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Robert said. “I hate it when I need help.”

“You hate asking for it,” Aaron said. “No one else minds. Do you need anything else?” Robert shook his head and Aaron left him to it. By the time the hot water reached his skin and made him feel a bit more awake and human, he felt less idiotic for needing help. He couldn’t help being blind, but sometimes it hurt his pride.

He managed to shower reasonably well and get dressed without incident. He felt for his white stick, folded inside his jacket, like a reassurance even though he didn’t want to use it unless absolutely necessary.

“Hey,” Aaron said, coming back into the bedroom. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Thanks.”

“Want to meet for a drink tonight?” Aaron suggested and Robert could hear the smile in his voice.

“You’re keen,” Robert said.

“Telling me you didn’t enjoy yourself last night?”

“No, I did,” Robert said. “I’ve got a better idea. How about you come around mine and I’ll cook.”

There was a silence and Robert knew Aaron was wondering how he could cook without being able to see, but he didn’t say anything which Robert felt very grateful for. “What time?”

“Seven?”

“Perfect.” Aaron kissed him again.

“Any chance I can get out of here without your mother seeing me?”

“No,” Aaron said. “Just move quick.”

“Thanks,” Robert said sarcastically.

* * *

Aaron had helped himself to a large bowl of cereal by the time Chas came in to the backroom. “You had a good night?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Aaron said with no shame. 

“Should I even ask who…?”

“Oh,” Aaron said. “You didn’t see him?”

“No,” Chas said, though she sounded regretful for having missed watching him leave. “I was busy restocking the bar. So?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Aaron said. 

“You’ll have to tell me who he is sooner or later.”

“Later works,” Aaron said. Chas glared at him. “Lighten up, it’s just a bit of fun.”

* * *

Robert felt much happier when he was at home. That had been a fantastic night with Aaron. Was it the almost enforced celibacy for so long that made the sex seem better? Or had it been really good sex anyway? Robert was inclined to think the latter. Aaron had certainly taken his time last night, and he was eager for a repeat performance.

* * *

“I’m going out,” Aaron said, fiddling with his hair while Chas watched him.

“Two nights in a row,” she observed. “Is it someone special?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “Might be. It’s… complicated.”

“Do I get a name?”

“No,” Aaron said distantly.

“Oh, Aaron!” she said. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron said. “I won’t be back tonight.”

“You’re confident,” Chas said and Aaron couldn’t help the smile.

* * *

Knocking on the door, Aaron’s breath caught as Robert opened it. A grey tight jumper and blue jeans that fit him really well. God, he looked good. “Hi?” Robert asked, not knowing who was at the door.

“It’s me,” Aaron said, making Robert smile.

“Come in,” Robert said. “Do you want a drink?”

“Yeah, you got a beer?”

“Yes,” Robert said. He went to the fridge and Aaron bit his tongue as Robert felt for the bottle opener magnet on the front of the fridge.

“Thanks,” Aaron said, brushing fingers as he passed it over. “Have you had a good day?”

“Er, not bad,” Robert said. “Had to send some stuff in for my publisher, decide what to cook for you and go shopping.”

“You didn’t have to do anything special,” Aaron said with a shrug.

“Cooking is one thing I’m good at,” Robert said. “Got to show you my special talents.”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. “Last night was pretty good as far as special talents go.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “It was.” Robert cleared his throat. “Listen, I don’t want to advertise our relationship. I’m not ashamed, but I’m not out. To Vic. She’s who matters to me. If someone finds out, they find out, but I want to tell her on my own terms.”

“We have a relationship?” Aaron asked as Robert occupied himself cooking.

“I hope so,” Robert said. “I want to keep seeing you.”

“So do I,” Aaron admitted. “I don’t mind keeping it quiet for a while, but not forever. I’m not going back into the closet, Robert.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Robert said. “I mean it, I’m not ashamed of being bisexual. But Vic matters to me, and she doesn’t know.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Fair enough.”

Robert was a very methodical cook. He guessed he had to be, but Aaron enjoyed watching him. He knew what he was doing, that much was clear. “I hope you’re not vegetarian,” Robert said. “I forgot to ask.”

“Nah, I eat meat,” Aaron said. “What are you making?” he asked as he was looking around the living space. Being very nosey.

“Homemade lasagne,” Robert said. “It’s good. My mums recipe.”

“I'm sure it is. You like reading?” Aaron asked. He’d clocked the well stocked bookshelf in the living room.

“I used to,” Robert said, knowing what Aaron had seen. “Can’t anymore, but I can’t seem to let the books go.”

“So they just sit there?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “You can help yourself if you want.”

“I’m not a big reader,” Aaron said. “You miss it?”

“Every day,” Robert said.

“What about those...” Aaron said, searching for the word. “Audio books.”

“Never tried,” Robert said. “I don’t want to… I don’t know, wouldn’t it be lesser?” Robert shook his head. “I don’t pretend to have this blind thing all figured out yet.”

“You seem to be doing all right to me.”

“I do my best,” Robert said. “Some things are still a struggle.”

“You could sign up to an audiobook site. If you enjoy it and miss it.”

“I’ll think about it,” Robert said, though it didn’t sound like he meant it. Aaron let it drop.

* * *

“Do you have any family?” Robert asked, once around the table.

“I’ve got a sister I don’t really see,” Aaron said. “Liv. She’d be… fourteen by now I guess? She lives in Ireland with her mum.”

“ _Her_ mum?”

“Same dad, different mums,” Aaron explained. “I don’t talk about my dad.”

“I don’t talk about mine either,” Robert said, happy to close that discussion. “Me and Vic have different mums.”

“Oh, really?” Aaron hadn’t known that.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “We’re still close even with that.”

“Yeah?” Aaron said. “I heard your mum…”

“My mum died in a car crash when I was a baby,” Robert said, matter of fact. “My step mum, Sarah, she died when I was fifteen in a fire.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” Aaron said. “I wouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s all right,” Robert said. “It hurt for a long time, but I like talking about my mum. Keeps her memory alive almost.” Aaron reached across the table and took Robert’s hand in his, squeezing tightly.

“You can talk about her, if you want?”

“Bit heavy for a date, isn’t it?” Robert said with a lightness. “Eat. I want to know if it’s any good.” Aaron smiled, then took a bite, the rich sauce delicious on his tongue.

“Oh, God,” Aaron said.

“Is that good or bad?”

“This is amazing,” Aaron said sincerely. Robert beamed at him so widely that Aaron knew he’d lie, even if it tasted rubbish next time, just to see that look on his face. One thing Aaron knew for sure, there would be a next time.

* * *

They had the TV on, but neither of them were really watching it. Just an excuse for something in the background. Robert lay on the sofa, Aaron in his arms, snuggling against his chest and it felt comfortable. His palms were stroking up and down Aaron’s back and he had started twitching a little.

“Am I turning you on?” Robert asked lowly.

“Mm,” Aaron said. “You’re trying to, and you know it.”

“Of course not,” Robert said innocently.

“Yeah, right.”

“We could just go to bed,” Robert suggested. “If you want to…?”

“I like the sound of that,” Aaron said, biting Robert’s bottom lip playfully. "Come on." Robert grinned, not one to say no to that.

* * *

They'd laughed and talked and had sex the night before, and in the morning, Aaron almost felt cherished. It had been such a good few days with Robert. He came downstairs, making them both breakfast as Aaron watched. Shirtless too, and Aaron enjoyed the view. A lot.

Aaron watched Robert make them both coffee with interest. He hooked a small plastic thing over the side of the cup as he filled it with hot water. The contraption beeped when the mug was almost full and Robert stopped, hooking it over the next mug, and Aaron realised it was to tell him when the water level was near the top, so he didn’t spill coffee over the kitchen side. Something so small that Aaron hadn’t even thought about. God, how did he do it? Pretend everything was normal? “Milk?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. "Thanks."

“I want to keep seeing you,” Robert said, not facing him and occupying himself stirring the coffee. “I don’t want this to be a one time thing.”

“I want that too,” Aaron said, walking behind him and wrapping his arms around Robert’s chest, kissing his neck briefly.. “We can keep it quiet. Just between us, and… see where things go?”

“Yes,” Robert said, relieved. “I know what it’s like in this village, and then add my disability to it, it could get… I like it when it’s just us. You know?”

“I know,” Aaron agreed.


	2. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Aaron's canon history is mentioned here, self harm, Jackson etc, it's mentioned rather than being a focal point.

After work, Robert and Aaron had arranged to meet. It was becoming usual for them, their relationship happening quietly in the background. Aaron spent at least four nights a week at Robert’s and it was quite surprising that no one had caught him leaving the house in the early morning yet. Although the long driveway to the Mill meant it was fairly private, so maybe that helped. Robert had called asking him to pick up milk from the shop, and as he was busy cooking them dinner, Aaron felt that was the least he could do.

In David’s, what stopped Aaron was he saw rows and rows of flowers at the entrance. He hadn’t looked at them, but he caught the scent of them, and he wondered… Would Robert like them? Or would it be stupid? He’d never bought flowers for anyone before. Well, his mum when he’d missed her birthday one year, but that wasn’t the same thing. Was buying his boyfriend flowers stupid? He touched one of the petals lightly, thinking to himself. Then he thought, sod it. What’s the worst that could happen, Robert didn’t like them? He tried to find the most heavily scented bunch he could, and settled for sweet peas. At least that’s what the tag said, Aaron didn’t know which type of flowers were which, so he just went with it. Holding the flowers and the milk, he went around to the Mill, hoping no one would see him.

* * *

“Hi,” Aaron said, knocking twice and walking in, how he usually entered the house when Robert knew he was coming over. It saved the awkward opening the front door when Robert couldn’t see who it was.

“Hi,” Robert said, flashing him a smile. Robert breathed in deeply, clearly catching the scent and Aaron cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed at what he’d thought was a good idea ten minutes ago in the shop.

“I er… bought you something,” Aaron said, handing over the requested milk.

“Oh?”

“I know it’s stupid, but… I bought you some flowers.” Aaron handed them over, and Robert frowned, then his lips tilted in a slight smile. He inhaled the scent of them and he grinned.

“That’s really thoughtful of you,” Robert said, meaning it. “What made you do that?”

“Dunno,” Aaron said, flushed, but pleased with Robert’s reaction. Robert’s eyes were cast down towards the flowers and concentrating on them as he put them in water, taking great care over them. 

“What colours are they?” Robert asked, touching the petals.

“Blue… purple and white,” Aaron said.

“Aaron, thank you,” Robert said, pulling Aaron into his arms and kissing him soundly. “I’ve not got anything for you.”

“You’re cooking,” Aaron said. “That’ll do.” Robert’s hands skimmed Aaron’s back, down to his waist, then his arse and he squeezed, teasingly. “Later,” Aaron said with a grin, one Robert echoed.

* * *

Aaron had promised he’d help his mum unloading the barrel delivery for the pub as Charity had absconded, which meant an early morning start, and leaving Robert in bed alone. Instead of leaving him a note (he’d done that once, forgetting Robert wouldn’t be able to read it. They’d had their first proper fight after that, how could Aaron forget, Aaron then getting narked because at least he hadn’t left with nothing! It had been a slip of the mind, nothing more. They’d kissed and made up soon afterwards) Aaron liked to leave him an answerphone message. It meant Robert could hear him when he woke up.

So, sitting alone in the Woolpack's back room, that’s exactly what he did. “Hi. It was getting a bit late, so I had to go. I miss you. I miss waking up with you, you lazy git.” Said with warmth and affection. “I’ll call again after helping mum with the pub. Let you cook me breakfast again one of these days. Bye.” He couldn’t help himself, smiling at the phone.

“You seem happy.” He looked up to see Chas, knowing she’d heard the phone call.

“Yeah,” Aaron said after a moment. “I am.”

“Tell me about him,” Chas said, not in her usual brash, demanding way, far more soft which is why Aaron didn’t brush her off instantly. “Is there something wrong with him?”

“Like what?” Aaron asked, defences going up.

“You’ve been seeing him for a few months now, and you still haven’t introduced me?” she said. “I don’t even know his name. It makes me wonder if he’s… okay.”

“Yeah, he’s good,” Aaron said. “It’s not me, it’s…” Aaron hesitated. “He’s not out. To his family, and it matters to him, so I’m not pushing. That’s why you’ve not met him.” A partial truth, but Chas seemed satisfied with that.

“Is he in denial?”

“No,” Aaron said surely. “Not at all, he’s just not ready.”

“I do want to meet him,” Chas said. “I’ve not seen you smile like this in years.”

Aaron grinned. “This ones different. I can’t explain how, but he is. For now, will that be enough?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I need to meet him soon.”

“Mmhmm,” Aaron said, making sure for it to sound non committal. 

* * *

Vic was surprised as she walked into the Mill, she found a bouquet of flowers in a vase on the kitchen table in pride of place. That was so unlike Robert, why would he buy flowers? Even if he was the kinda guy to buy them, after going blind what would be the point? Then Vic caught the scent. Sweet pea and honeysuckle and the aroma filled the room, now that she concentrated on it. Oh. Had he bought them for himself? Or had someone else bought them for him? She hadn’t seen a new woman on the scene.

“Vic?”

“I’m just grabbing the coriander,” she called back. It had been her reason for coming over in the first place, she was cooking for Ellis and the shop was closed. “Nice flowers.”

“Oh,” Robert said. “Yeah, they are.”

“Did someone buy them for you?” Robert stayed silent, which seemed as good as an omission. “Who?” she asked gently. “Are you seeing someone?”

“Yes, I am,” Robert said. “It’s new, and I want to see how things go first.”

“She bought you flowers?”

“Mm,” Robert said. “I don’t like talking about it.” This wasn’t exactly true, but Robert felt unable to express how much it meant to him, that he’d said he missed colour and seeing beautiful things, and Aaron had bought him a bouquet of strongly scented flowers. Just because. No birthday or anniversary, just because he saw flowers and thought of Robert. He never thought anyone would buy him flowers. That was too private to share so he wanted to change the subject.

* * *

Two fingers under Aaron’s chin. He never thought something so simple could make him feel like this, but he knew whenever Robert tilted his face like this, he wanted to kiss Aaron. Finding the right angle without sight. Aaron sunk into the kiss before Robert pulled back.

“I’ve been thinking,” Robert said quietly.

“Oh yeah?” Aaron asked, snuggling under Robert’s neck, relaxed on his sofa. They were watching a film, but it was really bad, so their concentration had gone. Once Robert’s concentration had gone, he couldn’t get it back easily, so he just held Aaron instead.

“I don’t want to hide anymore,” Robert said. “With you. I think we’re going… very well?” Just a hint of a question. Robert’s hand drifted to his face, trying to gauge Aaron’s reaction. “We decided a few months ago to see how it went, and…”

“It’s going well,” Aaron assured him. “My mum keeps nagging me about meeting my new man.”

“So you want to?”

“It’d be nice to have a drink in the pub without worrying if someone sees you touching my arm too familiarly,” Aaron said. “But I really don’t want to push you.”

“Vic saw the flowers,” Robert said. “I feel that I want to tell her about us. You’re important to me, and there’s not been anyone that matters the way you do since I lost my sight.”

“Do you think Vic’ll be alright with it?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah, I do,” Robert said. “I’ve loved spending weeks and weeks having you all to myself, but I’d like to be able to leave the house every now and then. I want to have a coffee with you in the cafe, and…”

“I know,” Aaron said, because he did. He felt it too. “The hiding doesn’t feel right any more.”

“No,” Robert agreed. “How do you think your mums going to react?”

“Badly,” Aaron said, heaving a sigh. “The only other… relationship she had a ringside seat for was with Jackson. And that ended so badly in so many ways.”

“So… you think she’ll have a problem with my blindness?” Robert had heard a bit about Jackson. Aaron didn’t often go into detail, but he knew that Jackson had needed a carer after his accident.

“Yeah, I do,” Aaron said. “I’m sorry. Maybe she’ll prove me wrong. I don’t have a problem with it,” he quickly reassured him.

“I do,” Robert said. “I want to see you.” His thumbs brushed Aaron’s eyebrows gently, padding gently against his eyelids for a second or two.

“Have you got any vision?” Aaron had done a google search and found that many people who were legally blind had a small window of vision.

“I can see about ten percent light perception,” Robert said. “Which means,” he added, feeling Aaron’s forehead crease under his fingertips. “That if you were standing with a bright light behind you or the sun, I could probably see a dark outline of your head. But that’s it.” Robert reached for the remote and turned the TV off. “You tell your mum, I’ll tell Vic? Then at the end of the day, we’re out.”

“It’s bigger for you,” Aaron said. “No one knows you’re bi. Don't sugarcoat it, it's a big thing.”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “But I want Vic to know.”

“Tomorrow?” Aaron suggested. “Or is that too soon?”

“Tomorrow,” Robert confirmed. “I want to do it. You make me happy, and I don’t want to hide it.” Aaron smiled, hearing that. Robert made him happy too.

* * *

Robert had gone over to Vic's to tell her about them. Vic sat across the table from Robert, waiting as she handed Robert his tea. “Spit it out, I know you want to talk to me.” Robert stroked her hair for a second, acquainting himself with her and then took a deep breath.

“I’ve found someone,” Robert said.

“Oh!” she gasped. “I knew you had someone on the go! The flowers were a dead giveaway, not to mention your smile! Who is she?”

“Yeah,” Robert said slowly. “That’s the thing. It’s not a she.”

“What is it then, a giraffe?” she deadpanned.

“No,” Robert said. “It’s a man. I’m with... a guy.”

“Oh,” Vic said quietly, taking that in in the silence. “Is this guy… a one off, or are you gay? Is this why Chrissie hated you at the end?!”

“No,” Robert said, cutting her off. “I’m bisexual. I’ve known it for years, but it didn’t matter to say it, because I’ve been with women. This time… I’m not, so…”

“Okay,” Vic said when Robert fell silent. “Bisexual, then?”

“Yes,” Robert said, very nervously. He didn’t think he’d be this nervous. Why did it matter so much?

“Why’ve you never told me?” Vic said quietly. She reached across the table and took his hand.

“Easier not to,” Robert said, feeling the anxiety almost overwhelm him. “I have to come out to every person I’m with sooner or later, and it’s draining.” Vic put both her hands on Robert’s face, holding him close, then hugged him. It was exactly what Robert needed. He gripped her tightly, burying his face in her hair. She smelled like lilies.

“Who’s the guy?” she asked, pulling back eventually and smoothing out his shirt. “He must be important to you.”

“He is,” Robert said. “I wouldn’t be coming out to you if he wasn’t. Please don’t go crazy.”

“Go on.”

“It’s Aaron.” Vic didn’t say anything straight away which unnerved him. “Vic?”

“I should have guessed that,” she said. “I’ve seen you with him, the way you touch him. I didn’t read into it more than you “seeing” him, but I should have.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be?”

“He’s your ex.”

“Oh, God, that’s nothing!” Vic said, laughing. “We were kids, he was desperate to prove something and it was a long time ago. Are you happy?”

“With him, yes I am. I’m really frustrated that I can’t see his face and I never will. With you, I remember your face, but him? It’s hard.” He didn't admit this to Aaron, but he felt it sometimes. That he'd never see Aaron smile, or know what he was thinking from the look on his face.

“He’s good looking,” Vic said quietly, grinning though. “Very fit. You’ve done well, there.”

“Oh, I’m so glad my sister thinks he’s gorgeous,” Robert said scowling.

“I love you,” Vic said, and Robert gave her another hug. At the end of the day, that was all he really needed to hear.

* * *

“Mum, I need to talk to you,” Aaron said, catching her in the backroom. She must have sensed something because she closed her magazine as Aaron closed the door. “Are the police after you?”

“No,” Aaron said, rolling his eyes. “I want to talk to you about…”

“What?”

“My boyfriend, I guess,” Aaron said. He’d never said out loud that that’s what Robert was and the word felt strange. Good, but it’d take some getting used to.

“Oh!” Chas said, brightening up considerably. “I want to meet him!”

“You know him,” Aaron said. Then sighed. “Please don’t make this a big deal.”

“Go on!” she said.

“It’s Robert,” Aaron said. “Robert’s my boyfriend.”

“Robert who?” she asked blankly, making Aaron roll his eyes. “What, SUGDEN!” she screamed.

“Yeah, all right,” Aaron said. “We’re together, and… we have been for a while now.”

“He can’t be, he’s straight!” she said. “He’s been married! To a woman. And he’s blind!”

“He’s definitely not straight,” Aaron said, fighting to keep calm. “Yes, he’s been married, but he isn’t now. What the hell does being blind have to do with anything?”

“He’s gay now?”

“He’s bisexual,” Aaron said, wafting his hand like it didn't matter. It did, just not to Chas. 

“Oh, so he’ll be with you for now, then go back to a woman when he gets bored?” 

That hurt. “That’s not what bisexuality means, mum,” Aaron said. “Anyway, that’s not the point. Why does that matter, if he’s with me then he’s with me?”

“Aren’t you afraid he’ll cheat? Find someone else?”

“You’re the expert on cheating around here,” Aaron said darkly.

“That’s not fair!” she snapped. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m happy,” Aaron said. “I’m happy with him, and he accepts me, and I like him. I really like him, actually. Give him a chance, mum. Please.”

“Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “The moment he screws up, I’ll kill him.”

“Great.” Aaron left the room, but he was pleased that was over. He’d told Chas, Robert was telling Vic, it’d be all over the village in half an hour. But being able to hold Robert’s hand in public while not worrying if anyone saw them would be a relief. He hadn’t felt the way he did about Robert for anyone in a very long time.

* * *

“It’s done,” Robert said to Aaron on the phone.

“I’m done too,” Aaron replied. “Coffee? My lot will probably know within the hour. Might as well get it over with.”

“Coffee,” Robert agreed.

“How did Vic take it?”

“Surprised about me,” Robert said. “But I don’t think she was surprised about us.”

“Mm?”

“I’ll explain at the cafe,” Robert said. “Five minutes?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “See you then.” All Robert did was grab his cane and his keys. Everything else could wait, he needed to see Aaron now.

* * *

Robert waited outside the cafe for Aaron, feeling nervous. The gossip mill would undoubtedly have their relationship as headline news, and he didn’t want to brave the cafe alone, especially as he couldn’t see people whispering about him, just catch half a word here and there.

He didn’t hear Aaron arrive, but felt Aaron slip his hand into Robert’s, squeezing his palm tightly, pressing against his body with warmth, familiarly and Robert breathed out with relief.

“Hi,” Robert said. “Ready?” Aaron squeezed his hand tightly and Robert felt his nod against the side of his neck.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. “C’mon.” Robert swallowed, and went inside the cafe, Aaron holding his hand.

* * *

“You’ve been avoiding the pub for two days,” Aaron said across the Mills kitchen.

“Your mum can wait to meet me properly,” Robert said. Aaron was right, he’d been avoiding it, but he was hardly a glowing prospect for a parent to want with their child. He knew that well enough. Then there was Paddy too, by all accounts as good as Aaron’s father.

“She's already met you,” Aaron said. “Look, I know it’s scary. But nothing she says or does will change us.”

“Yeah?” Robert said.

“Vic was wonderful,” Aaron said. She had been, almost squealing over Aaron and all bright eyed and happy to see her brother so happy. 

“A sister, a parent, it’s different,” Robert said.

“I know,” Aaron said. “The longer you put it off, the worse it’ll get.”

“I know,” Robert said. “Come on, then. The pub.”

“Yeah?” Aaron said in surprise. “I didn’t know my powers of persuasion were that good.”

“Your powers of persuasion are excellent,” Robert teased. He pulled Aaron close, hands on his hips and kissed his neck in a way that made Aaron’s breath catch.

“Oh… keep doing that,” Aaron moaned, shivering at his touch, leaning his head backwards.

“Mm?” Robert said, grinning against his skin. “Meet your mother tonight, or tomorrow?” His hand pushed up Aaron’s T shirt and started toying with a nipple.

“God, your hands…” Aaron shoved his own shirt off and Robert grinned. He spanned his hands across Aaron’s abdomen, then chest before running his teeth gently down the vein in Aaron’s neck. He knew it drove him crazy, and he whined, hands gripping onto Robert for support.

“So, ready to see Chas?” Robert teased.

“Stop talking about my mother,” Aaron demanded. “Use your mouth for something better.” Robert grinned before getting on his knees and pressing his face to Aaron’s bare stomach, breathing in the heat and delicious scent of him. He undid Aaron’s belt and unzipped his fly before slowly started to fondle him. Aaron moaned.

“Upstairs, or on the kitchen table?” Robert asked with a tight squeeze, catching his drift.

“Here,” Aaron muttered. “I can’t wait.” Robert laughed, both of them stripping him out of his clothes as soon as possible. This wasn’t going to be anything other than a quickie.

“Where’s…”

“First kitchen draw on the left,” Aaron said impatiently. Robert grinned and pushed Aaron over the table, Aaron smirking at him as he followed where Robert put him. He hurried to find the lube and the condom, fumbling a bit. This wasn’t their first time in the kitchen after all. Robert smoothed a hand up Aaron’s naked back, and Aaron let out a quiet moan. “C’mon.”

“Desperate?”

“Yes,” Aaron said, whining as Robert’s wet fingers started stretching him. Aaron looked over his shoulder and saw that Robert was still fully dressed and he hadn’t even noticed.

“Aren’t you going to take anything off?”

“No,” Robert said, a slow smile. “Wastes time.” Aaron grinned, watching Robert unzip his jeans before pressing his head back into the table, turned on and waiting. It took a few extra seconds, Robert making sure the condom was on properly took a little longer without sight. Then Robert pushed in slowly and Aaron grunted at the burn. He wasn’t as prepared as usual.

“Okay?” Robert asked. “Too much?”

“No, I’m good,” Aaron breathed. “Feels good.” Robert covered Aaron’s back with his chest, and Aaron shivered, feeling Robert’s jeans against the back of his thighs, his shirt rumpled between them. Even the hard points of Robert's shirt buttons digging in. There was something thrilling about being completely under Robert’s spell while he was almost entirely dressed. Maybe it shouldn’t turn him on, but it did.

“Are you sure?” Robert asked, kissing him lightly on his shoulders and neck. Aaron nodded, Robert close enough to feel it. He started rolling his hips and Aaron cried out. 

“Robert, please…” Robert gripped his hips as he started to fuck him at a brutal pace, Aaron gasping. He couldn’t think, all he could do was moan as Robert hit his prostate deliciously, over and over. God, nothing felt as good as a quickie with Robert. He played his body so well, large hands touching everywhere he wanted them to.

One hand on Aaron’s hips, the other reached under him and started stroking his cock quickly, efficiently making, Aaron bite down on his bottom lip hard. He could feel the rush of heat and knew he was close. “Robert, come on.”

“Yeah?” he breathed. “Hold on.”

“Mm.” Robert was relentless and Aaron tensed as his orgasm rushed over him, all over Roberts fingers. Just a few more thrusts and Robert shouted his own climax, deep inside Aaron. He collapsed onto Aaron’s back, the table creaking slightly under their weight, Robert still inside him as they gasped for air. 

“I can’t move,” Aaron slurred slightly, squashed between Robert and the table.

“You want to?” Robert asked, knowing him too well.

“No.” Robert kissed him behind his ear, not moving either for many minutes.

“I’m sore,” Aaron said eventually, and Robert pulled away from him, starting to clean themselves up. “That’s one way to put off meeting my parents.”

Robert laughed.

* * *

As fun as the distraction had been, Robert couldn’t put it off forever. So he went with Aaron to the pub one night, thinking that if Chas was working, he might not have to spend too much time with her. He was nervous. When was the last time he’d met a partners parents? Not for years and years, probably since Chrissie. He was far more arrogant then, but he knew meeting Chas and Paddy mattered, because they were important to Aaron. He spoke of them both warmly, and Robert knew that Aaron had suffered when coming to terms with being gay, and Chas’s support and Paddy looking after him had meant the world to him at the time. He had to make a good impression, and being blind didn’t help. He couldn't make a snap judgement about anyone and how to handle them, how to impress them.

He waited for Aaron outside the pub, who came over straight from the garage, overalls tied around his waist. “It’ll be alright,” Aaron assured him.

“If they hate me…” Robert said.

“They don’t have to like you,” Aaron said. “Nothing either of em say will change how I feel about you.” Aaron kissed his cheek and he felt a bit braver. “Come inside.” Robert had his cane out as they went inside, taking a seat at the bar rather than the table.

“What’re you having?” Charity said, rushed off her feet, the after work rush in full swing, the factory having just finished work for the day.

“We’ll wait,” Aaron said shortly.

“Oh!” Charity said cottoning on. “Introducing mummy to the boyfriend! I see! Tell me, Robert, are you really blind?”

“Charity…” Aaron warned, feeling protective.

“Making conversation,” she defended.

“Yes,” Robert said. “I am. Sometimes it's a blessing,” he added pointedly. Charity flounced off, taking offence at that and Robert smiled. Chas came along about two minutes later.

“Finally showed your face,” she said sternly.

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “I wasn’t sure if you’d approve.” It was as honest as he could be, and from the tightening grip on his thigh from Aaron, he knew Aaron was surprised.

“Mm. Pint?”

“Yes,” Robert and Aaron said in unison. They didn’t get a chance to speak to Chas before another woman came over, bright and enthusiastic.

“Oh, you must be Robert!” she said. “I wish I could say Aaron’s told us all about you, but…”

“I’m sorry,” Robert said. “Who are you?”

“I’m Faith, I’m Aaron’s gran, but don’t let that fool you. If you could see me, you’d never believe I was a grandmother! Far too young!” Robert smiled. He liked the sound of this Faith. “Oh, Aaron, you’ve done well for yourself there. Shame I didn’t get in there first.” Aaron spluttered into his pint but Robert grinned. He could get on with her. “How long’ve you been together?”

“A few months,” Robert said. “Since I arrived in the village really.” Aaron squeezed his hand in agreement.

“Oh, swept you off your feet eh?” Faith said, encouraging, giving Robert a friendly elbow nudge.

“Quite literally,” Robert said, remembering the car and how they’d met. Chas hadn’t said anything and it unnerved him.

“Oh, Robert!” They turned and Aaron smiled at Paddy. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Paddy, right?” Robert asked, taking his cue from Aaron's hand.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m Aaron’s…” he stumbled over his words.

“He’s my dad,” Aaron said warmly and Robert smiled at him.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Robert said. Paddy shook his hand and Robert could hear Aaron sniggering at him, but he appreciated it all the same.

“Oi!” They all turned to see Cain. “Why aren’t you handing over Jones’s car?”

“You said I could leave,” Aaron said.

“You’re getting paid overtime for it,” Cain said, chucking him the keys. Aaron needed the overtime, he had a surprise for Robert he needed to pay for. 

“Are you going to be all right?” Aaron asked.

“Go,” Robert said. He felt nervous, but he wouldn’t stop Aaron. It would also look terrible, like he needed Aaron’s presence here. Aaron kissed his cheek.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” Aaron promised.

It wasn’t until Chas was asking Robert to come through to the back room that Robert realised that he’d probably been set up. Chas wanted him alone, he could hear her heels clicking on the floor.

“He’s finally stopped hiding you,” Chas said, sounding displeased. “How long have you been seeing Aaron?” she asked.

“Since about March,” Robert said honestly. “We weren’t sure if it was going to… stick, and we both know how quickly the rumours would spread, so we wanted it kept quiet.”

“Is that the only reason?” she asked.

“Meaning what?” Robert asked pointedly.

“Hiding the fact you’re gay?” Chas said.

“I’m not gay, I’m bisexual and Aaron knows this,” Robert said. “It’s also none of your business. If I’m happy with Aaron, and he me, my sexuality has nothing to do with you.” 

“Touchy!” she said.

Robert sighed feeling this was all going wrong. “Chas, I’m going to be honest with you. I want to make a good impression on you, I really do. But Aaron matters a lot to me, even if I’m not who you’d have picked.”

“What about your blindness?” Chas said. Her voice had changed and was softer now which is why Robert didn’t immediately take offence to it. In reality, it was a simple question.

“Yes,” Robert said. “I’m blind, which does create… some difficulties, but… I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I don’t want Aaron to have to…”

“It’s not the same,” Robert said. “He’s told me… a little bit about Jackson, and it’s not the same. I don’t need a minder, I’m not relying on him to help me. The fact I can’t see bothers me a lot more than him.”

“Okay,” Chas said.

“That’s it?”

“Aaron is happy,” she said. “I’ve seen it in him for weeks. If you start to make him unhappy, then this will be a different conversation.”

“Thank you,” Robert said. “I don’t plan on hurting him.”

“Confident,” she said.

“I didn’t come home expecting to meet someone,” Robert said. “I really didn’t.”

“Hey!” They both turned to the door, Aaron having run there from the garage, out of breath, Paddy just behind him. Robert already recognised him from his heavy walk. “Are you giving him a hard time?”

“No, we’re just having a chat,” Chas said, and Robert could even hear the fake smile from her.

“Yes,” Robert said. “Everything okay at work?”

“Yes,” Aaron said. “Can we get another round in?”

“Good idea.” Robert knew he wasn’t accepted yet by Chas, but he also knew he hadn’t been fully rejected either. He’d take what he could get.

* * *

Chas watched them both from behind the bar for the rest of the night. Ellis and Vic had joined them and they seemed to be making a night of it. Aaron wasn’t a touchy feely person, certainly not in public, and it felt a little strange to watch him touch Robert so often. It wasn’t inappropriate, but it was just those little touches to let him know he was there, reassuring, Chas guessed. She’d never seen him behave like this before and it was new. How had they hidden it for so long? She’d seen them drink together, usually with Vic but she hadn’t thought anything of it, and they certainly weren’t as familiar then as they were right now. A touch of the shoulder, a squeeze of the hand. Robert ran his hand through Aaron’s hair a couple of times.

Robert’s eyes didn’t move the way most peoples did. That was the only indication that he was blind. There wasn’t much life behind his gaze, but that was only because she was watching very closely. Robert sat on the edge of their booth, turned inwards a little, his head swinging between Vic and Aaron the most when they spoke.

“What do you think of him?” Chas said.

“Eh?” Paddy asked. “Oh, Robert and our Aaron?” 

“No, Vic and Ellis,” Chas said. “Of course Robert!”

“I think… Aaron seems happy,” Paddy said. “Does the blind thing really matter?”

“I don’t know,” Chas said. “Does it?”

“He’s smiling. Leave him be.”

* * *

Aaron was elbow deep in a car when his phone rang. “Can you get that?” he asked Cain. He didn’t like to ignore it in case it was Robert. Texting was a bit hit and miss with him, autocorrect not always accurate, so he usually called.

“You’re here to work, not chat,” Cain said.

“Come on, stick it on speaker,” Aaron replied, oil everywhere, clear he was busy. Cain sighed, but did as he asked, just because Aaron was “family.”

“Yeah?”

“Aaron Dingle?”

“A friend of his, what do you want?”

“We need to talk to Mr Dingle about his booking. A spot on the waiting list has opened up.” Aaron completely abandoned the engine and almost leapt on the phone. He’d deal with the oil later.

“Yes?” he said. “Oh, whenever you’ve got space. It’s for two people. Yes. Great. I emailed you about assistance for my boyfriend? Is that on… great. Saturday? Perfect. Thank you.” Aaron smiled when he ended the call. “Oh, I can’t work Saturday.”

“Thanks,” Cain said sarcastically. “Glad I did you a favour and answered it.”

* * *

“It’s a surprise,” Aaron said. He’d told Robert this all week, but Robert kept asking. “It’s for your birthday.”

“You already got me a present, and I don’t like surprises,” Robert said nervously. “It means strange places and…”

Aaron cleared his throat. “If you don’t like it, we can leave.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I promise,” Aaron said. “I think you will like it, though. Give it a chance?”

“Okay,” Robert said.”I trust you. You did buy me a present in April.”

“A cheap pair of headphones and an audiobook is hardly earth shattering,” Aaron said. “I wanted this for you, but I was too late, so I’ve been on the waiting list for a while.” 

“I like the audiobooks,” Robert said. “It was really thoughtful.” Robert didn’t say anything else until Aaron had parked, feeling anxious. He never used to be like this, he used to be confident and wouldn’t have even dreamed that going to a new place would phase him, but it did, and he hated that about himself.

“It’s all flat,” Aaron said gruffly as he locked the car. He was matter of fact, never made Robert feel like it was an effort to remember his blindness, but also he didn’t baby him over it. It was an incredibly difficult line to balance. “Twenty yards to the entrance.”

“Mm,” Robert said, not knowing about what the entrance was to.

“Ah, Mr Dingle, right in time for your booking,” a friendly man said on reception when they walked into the building, middle forties maybe.

“Great,” Aaron said, smiling, aware Robert was radiating anxiousness next to him. Aaron put a hand on Robert’s back trying to reassure him that everything was okay. “Relax,” he whispered into his ear. “This is going to be fun.”

“When you’re both ready, I’ll show you to your car.”

“Wait, car?” Robert said, turning to Aaron.

“Yes,” Aaron said, nervousness threaded through his voice. “It’s a rally car simulation. A proper professional one, racing circuit. I know you said you can’t drive and I thought this way… you still can if you want to. I know it’s not the same, and nothing I can do will get your vision back...” He was rambling, he knew it. Robert kissed him hard and he sighed internally with relief. He liked the idea, thank God.

“Right, if you’re ready?” They followed the man to the car, and it looked like a real rally car, apart from the fact it had a screen attached to the front rather than a windscreen. Robert was over excited like a child at Christmas, and Aaron was glad it had gone over well. Aaron had called the centre before booking it, letting them know that Robert was blind and could they cater to that. Apparently he wasn’t the first to ask this, it was quite a popular experience for visually impaired people.

They were talked through the safety nonsense, Robert paying only the slightest bit of attention before they were allowed in the car. Aaron would be the navigator, but Robert was so excited, he could sense it coming off his boyfriend in waves.

* * *

Aaron looked at the map of the track, pleased they were starting with something simple. He had no idea how good his own directions would be. “It’s a normal figure eight track,” Aaron told Robert. 

“Right or left turn first?” Robert asked, trying to get an image of it in his head.

“Right,” Aaron said.  “Ready?”

“What’s the worst I can do, crash a stationary car?” Robert asked. He turned the ignition on, and smiled. It felt like a real car, the slight vibrations, the car waiting for the accelerator to be pushed.

“Starting off on a straight,” Aaron said, hoping he could give good enough instructions. He hadn’t realised until this moment that a lot of the onus would be on him, as to whether Robert enjoyed himself or not.

Robert slammed down on the accelerator, and it felt hard to believe the car wasn’t actually moving. It was a very good simulator and Robert’s boyish grin was so captivating. “Sharp right turn in thirty yards,” Aaron guessed. “Ten. Now!” Robert turned the steering wheel and they could feel the car follow his commands. “Keep turning. Straighten up.” On the next straight section of the track, they could feel the car going uphill.

“This is amazing,” Robert said. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it. Left in about twenty yards.”

* * *

They’d done three different tracks, getting more difficult as Robert became more confident. He’d only crashed the car twice, making a rather realistic sequence happen that made Aaron glad the car was fitted with seatbelts, but nothing could wipe the smile off his face. “A good surprise?” Aaron asked as they walked back to Aaron’s car.

“The best,” Robert said. “God, I love you so much.” Aaron made a quiet little sound, an intake of breath and Robert realised what he’d actually said. But the silence after those three little words was telling. Aaron wasn’t saying it back. Robert's heart sunk. “Oh. Okay.”

“No,” Aaron said. “You took me off guard, that’s all. I…”

“Don’t force yourself,” Robert said. “It’s fine.”

“Robert, will you listen, please?!” Aaron snapped and Robert shut up. “I do. Okay. It’s just… loving someone really scares me sometimes, and I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do for you. Not anyone. It frightens me. But I do. Love you.” Aaron sighed. “I’m never any good at this bit, relationships, saying how I feel, I always mess it up. I can’t describe what I feel for you, it just is.” Robert took his face between his palms and kissed him, Aaron calming down under his touch. “I love you,” Aaron said.

“I love you too,” Robert said. “Very much.” He kissed him again, just to almost confirm it. “I’m starving, can we get lunch?”

Aaron grinned. “Yeah, course.”

“We’re doing that again,” Robert said. Aaron didn’t mention how expensive that had been, he felt happy that Robert was happy and he could do something for him.

* * *

The summer heat was beginning to get unbearable. They’d had a few weeks of sunshine which had been lovely, but then the temperature and humidity had started to rise and it was creeping into uncomfortable. Most people slacked off work if they could get away with it, and the beer garden at the pub was always jammed. Robert had already written a few pieces for his editor, so he had the luxury of sunning himself outside the pub. The heat and the warmth felt so good on his skin, and while Aaron couldn’t bear the heat, Robert enjoyed it. Mind you, Aaron was the one doing the physical work right now, so he guessed he didn’t have room to complain.

“God, I’m knackered,” Aaron said, collapsing in the chair next to Robert. “You look great,” he added, giving Robert a hello kiss. 

“You stink,” Robert said.

“Oh, cheers,” Aaron said. “I’ve been stuck in a garage with hot metal all day, I bet I do.”

“Could share a shower later if you want to make things interesting.”

“Mm,” Aaron said, brightening up. They didn’t get further on their flirting, because Charity completely ruined it. She hadn’t seen where she was going and turned in the cramped beer garden. She accidentally tipped a glass of water all over Robert. He jumped up like he’d been electrocuted, gasping and swearing, all the villagers having gone completely silent and staring at him.

“Rob, it’s just water,” Aaron said, feeling this was a bit of an overreaction, Robert almost running out of there, Aaron following. Aaron’s was closer, so he moved to the backroom, having gone there often enough that he didn’t need his cane, though he bumped into the door frame. Robert flailed around in the kitchen, pulling his shirt off him and scrubbing at his damp face. “Robert!” Aaron shouted, trying to get his attention as he closed the door so they were truly alone. “Charity didn’t do it on purpose, it’s just water.

“You don’t know that,” Robert said forcefully.

“What’s happening?” Aaron asked calmly, keeping a few steps back so he wouldn’t inadvertently touch him. Robert was frantic, his sightless eyes darting everywhere in a way Aaron had never seen.

“Last time something was chucked on my face I went blind,” Robert said, leaning on the kitchen counter. Oh. That’d explain it.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Aaron said. Robert touched his damp face, then sat on the sofa heavily. Aaron perched on the arm, not too close, but there so Robert felt aware of his presence.

“Methalyne Caecuthilate.”

“I have no idea what that is,” Aaron said blankly.

“Most people don’t,” Robert said. He took a deep breath and tried to bury himself in the sofa cushions. “I’ll never forget it. Now an illegal substance, but back then? It was used in farming. To cut a long story short, Chrissie wasn’t happy when she found me in bed with a man. I had a stake in the business by then, she couldn’t just get rid of me as quickly as she would have liked to. She had a fiery temper and she wanted revenge. We argued, we always argued though. I didn’t want my marriage to be over. She locked me in one of the outhouses. We lived on a big estate, we’d been arguing over Matt… the guy I slept with, we argued for weeks, so it was just one more argument. Until she grabbed the nearest thing, which was a bottle of methalyne caecuthilate. It was where it was stored on the estate, neither of us knew anything about it. She threw it at me.”

“Oh, God,” Aaron said. “It… blinded you?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “First I just thought my vision was blurred by it. Then the light faded and my sight was gone. One moment of anger.”

“Your ex wife blinded you?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “To her credit… she didn’t know what the chemical would do. We settled out of court.”

“You didn’t want her to go to prison? To suffer?”

“What would be the point?” Robert said. “I didn’t believe she’d do it again, and they’d pay a lot to keep Chrissie out of prison. Especially Lawrence. Couldn’t have his precious daughter suffering. I’d rather the money. Turns out I’m still the same money grabber I was when I married her,” he said sadly.

“How much?” Aaron asked. “If you don’t mind me asking…”

“I got one million in a divorce settlement, and buying out my shares of the business,” Robert said. “Another two million in compensation, both from the Whites, and from the government who allowed the chemical to be used in commercial farming in the first place. There’s news articles floating around about it somewhere.”

“You got three million for going blind?” Aaron asked blankly. He knew Robert was wealthy, but that was far beyond his expectations. “You’re a millionaire?”

“Yes,” Robert said dully. “I’ve bought the Mill, a few gadgets to help me live, and living expenses for a few years. Two million in savings. It feels… almost fitting. I married her for money, and I got it in the end. It cost more than I thought it would.”

“Robert, it’s not your fault,” Aaron said. “You didn’t ask for this.”

“I know I try to act all… like it’s okay, but sometimes life is really tough like this. I try not to pity myself too much, but God it’s hard.”

“Come here.” Aaron held Robert as he sniffed, trying not to cry, pressed against Aaron’s chest. “You can let go, it’s all right.”

“I hate feeling sorry for myself,” Robert said into Aaron’s chest. 

“You deal with your blindness very well,” Aaron said. “You’re allowed a day every now and then that you don’t.”

* * *

Robert had actually drifted off to sleep in Aaron’s arms and Aaron hadn’t wanted to move him. Charity opened the door to the backroom, her usual sharp wit and sarcasm gone. She seemed almost apologetic. “I’m…”

“It’s fine,” Aaron said quietly, so as not to disturb Robert. “It’s not you.”

“Okay,” Charity said uncomfortably. “Sorry.” She backed out of the room, leaving them alone and Robert almost nuzzled into Aaron’s chest. “Love you,” Aaron whispered, just for the joy of saying it.

* * *

“I notice you didn’t spend the night with Robert,” Chas said the next morning. He hadn’t, Robert had wanted to be alone, and he felt vulnerable, so Aaron let him. He’d go over this morning before work, just to check on him.

“No,” Aaron agreed, eating his breakfast.

“Trouble?”

“You don’t like him do you,” Aaron said dully.

Chas shook her head. “It’s not about liking him. I don’t want you to have to... look after someone like that, be a carer, not after what you went through with Jackson.” Aaron snorted a laugh, completely inappropriate. “Why is this funny?!”

“It’s not,” Aaron said. “The last thing Robert would ever call me is his carer. For God's sake, he doesn’t need one, he’s perfectly capable all on his own.”

“How can he be?” Chas asked. Aaron groaned. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but someone has to say it and look out for you.”

“Mum!” Aaron snapped.

“Why hasn’t he got a guide dog?”

“Are you that insensitive?” Aaron asked. “Do you go up to everyone with a walker and ask why they’re not in a wheelchair?”

“Aaron!”

“I don't know why he hasn’t,” Aaron said. “I don’t tell people they’re handling their disability in the wrong way.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“He hates that word anyway,” Aaron said. “I’m not his carer, don’t say that again.”

“Maybe not now, but in the future, if you stay together?” Chas suggested.

“We’re not getting married,” Aaron said. But privately, that made him think. What did the future hold for him and Robert? Could they make it work long term? He didn’t want to let go of him, and even though Robert had some issues with his eyesight, Aaron had problems too. It’s only… his were less... visible, no pun intended.

“I’m just keeping an eye out for you,” Chas said. “Someone has to!”

“Mum, it’s not like that. It really isn’t. Drop it.”

Chas looked like she wanted to carry on, but Robert walked in. He’d heard everything, but acted like he hadn’t, heart beating fast. “Aaron, do you want breakfast at the cafe?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, ignoring the fact he'd just eaten, reaching for his hand and squeezing it to let Robert know he was here.

* * *

“I’m on the waiting list.”

“Eh?” Aaron asked.

“For a guide dog,” he said. “I’m on the list.”

“Oh, God,” Aaron said. “You heard that conversation with my mum.”

“Every word,” Robert said. Pointless hiding it. “There’s more blind people than guide dogs. It’s not a permanent solution either, because after a dogs lifetime, blind people need another guide dog. People always need them.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You defended me,” Robert said. “You don’t need to apologise.”

“Of course I’d defend you,” Aaron said, indignant. “You’re not helpless, you’re like everyone else. We’ve all got problems. Actually, you’re not like everyone else. You’re like no one I’ve ever met.”

The warmth in his voice gave him away, and Robert smiled, leaning over to kiss Aaron gently, even in public. “Thank you.” Aaron’s hand caressed his face for a moment before it dropped. “Speaking of… we’ve all got problems…”

“Oh, yeah, what do you want to know?” Aaron asked, humour in his voice.

“The scars on your chest,” Robert said quietly. “I want to know how you got them.”

“How do you…?”

“They’re not flat,” Robert said. “They’re slightly raised, and I can feel them. The skin feels different.”

“Since when?” Aaron asked quickly.

“The first time we were together,” Robert said. “But it was casual between us and it didn’t feel like any of my business, so I never asked. It felt private.”

“Right,” Aaron said, feeling cold. He’d thought he could get away with it, never mention it at all. Robert couldn’t see him, what did it matter? “I did them myself. I cut… myself to cope.”

“I assumed they were self harm,” Robert said, holding Aaron’s hand and speaking gently. “Why? Cope with what?” His thumb stroked across Aaron’s knuckles which made him feel braver. Robert wasn’t running from him.

“A dark past that I can’t go into,” Aaron said. “I will one day with you, but it’ll be opening a box that I can’t shut. I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Robert didn’t look happy. “Okay.”

“You’re going to drop it?”

“Until you’re ready to talk, yes,” Robert said. “I want to know, but if you’re not ready, then you’re not. And that’s okay.” Aaron felt incredibly emotional, and he pulled Robert into a long hug, letting himself be held for almost a minute.

“Thank you.”

“I want to know if you feel the urge to do it again,” Robert said. “I need you to tell me.”

“I will,” Aaron said. It was an easy promise to make because he hadn’t been in that head space for a very long time. “I don’t… I’ve not cut myself in a very long time.”

“I’m glad. Would you like it if I got a guide dog?” Robert asked, changing the subject back onto slightly easier ground. “Eventually. You’re not allergic are you?”

Aaron snorted. “I love dogs,” he said. “They’re better than most people.”

“I’m the exception am I?”

“You’re the exception to everything,” Aaron said as Robert smiled beautifully at him.

* * *

Waking up at five a.m. really felt too early. Aaron rolled over and looked at the open window, the light breeze coming in and the first daylight lighting the bedroom. Robert liked sleeping with the window open, and Aaron could already hear the first trill of the birds. Things he didn’t used to pay attention to. Robert’s hands slid over Aaron’s back.

“Morning.”

“It’s early,” Aaron said.

“Mmhmm,” Robert said. “Are you at the garage today?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow too.”

“You should quit,” Robert said, opening his thighs and pulling Aaron very close. “You could be more than Cain’s skivvy.”

“Oh yeah, like what?” Aaron said. “It pays well.”

“It pays okay,” Robert said. “Wouldn’t you want something else?”

“I’m not talented at anything else,” Aaron said.

“You’re brilliant,” Robert said and Aaron smiled at the admiration in his voice. Robert’s hands started roaming over his body and Aaron lay back, letting him touch him. He liked to do this in the mornings to see him. Aaron really enjoyed it too, being honest. Lying back and letting Robert stroke him felt a little less selfish than in previous relationships.

"I could stay here forever," Aaron said.

"I'm not stopping you," Robert replied, dipping to kiss in the centre of his chest.

* * *

“Hello?”

“It’s Paddy,” the man in question said. Robert let him in.

“Aaron’s not here.”

“I know,” he said. “I’ve come to talk to you.”

“Ominous.” Robert fiddled around in the kitchen. “Do you want a tea? Coffee?”

“No, don’t trouble yourself,” Paddy said.

“Are you here because you want to talk to me?” Robert asked. “Or are you coming from Chas?”

“For both of us,” Paddy said. “We’re worried about Aaron.”

“With me,” Robert said. “You’re worried about him with me.”

“Yes,” Paddy said and Robert sighed. At least he wasn’t dressing it up.

“I’m not going to hurt him,” Robert said. "I would never do that."

“We just want you to be aware,” Paddy said. “Aaron’s amazing.”

“I know,” Robert said. He didn’t need Paddy to tell him how incredible Aaron was.

“He will do anything for the people he loves, absolutely anything and he’s incredibly loyal.”

“Yes,” Robert said, waiting for the penny to drop.

“You two seem to be getting… more serious.”

They were. Robert had been quietly thinking about asking Aaron to move in with him. He was only hesitant because he liked his things in their correct places, because it helped him with his condition. He felt pretty sure Aaron would say yes, and he hated spending the night apart from him. He knew Aaron felt the same, and waking up with him always felt better than being alone. “Yes,” Robert said. “I love him.”

“Do you?” Paddy asked.

“Yes,” Robert said.

“We’re concerned that Aaron’s getting in too deep with you. Because of…”

“I know,” Robert said, understanding what he was getting at. “We’re not stupid, we both know that my blindness is difficult and throws up problems. I can’t help that. If I could fix it, I would, believe me.”

“We just want you to think about it. For Aaron’s sake. He’s gone to prison for his best mate, without ever being asked to. He helped end Jackson’s life because it was what Jackson wanted, no matter how much that screwed him up afterwards. He has such a big heart when he lets people in, and he has let you in. Think about what you’re asking of him, for Aaron to be with you. What you're asking him to give up.”

“Paddy, I couldn’t convince Aaron to do anything he didn’t want to do in the first place. He’s with me because he wants to be, and I don’t really want to change that.”

“You need help with things,” Robert scoffed. “Like driving. Aaron does it because he wants to, but…”

“Don’t throw my blindness at me like it’s a personal fault,” Robert warned. “I can do nothing about it.”

“I know, I’m not saying that. All I want is for you to consider what it means for Aaron if you become more serious.”

Paddy fell quiet and Robert felt a deep unease up his spine. “You can see yourself out.” Paddy left, and Robert sighed, leaning back on the sofa. He might put up a good front in company, but what Paddy had said had got to him, hitting him right where it hurt. His blindness was a massive weak point of his, and Paddy had just walked straight through it. Aaron could find anyone, he knew that. Any man he liked, because Paddy was right, Aaron had a huge heart. Having become intimately familiar with his body over the past few months, he knew Aaron was fit, knew he was gorgeous and had a heart to match. He could get anyone, and he stuck with him? The poor blind guy down the street? Was Aaron settling? Maybe Paddy was right, he should give Aaron a get out of jail free card while they weren't in too deep.

* * *

“You’ve been quiet for a couple of days,” Aaron said when he was over at Robert's. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t believe you,” Aaron said. He stroked Robert’s hair, but he almost shrugged him off and Aaron sighed. “Now I know something’s wrong. Come on, talk to me.”

“Paddy came around the other day,” Robert said, going for honesty. “He was trying to… make me see reason, I think.”

“Reason about what?” Aaron asked, frowning. “Oh, me.”

“Yeah,” Robert said.

“Don’t let him get to you,” Aaron said firmly.

“He made some good points.”

Aaron froze. “What?” Aaron said, and in that split second he felt a sense of foreboding.

“Why’re you stuck with me?” Robert said. “You could have anyone.”

“I want you,” Aaron said. “It’s not complicated.”

“No, but I am complicated,” Robert said. “I’m just wondering if…”

“Are you trying to break up with me?” Aaron said slowly.

“No,” Robert said, though he sounded far from convinced.

“Robert…”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Robert said. “Life will be more difficult for you, if you’re with me. We get stared at whenever we’re out, I can feel that, you must notice it too.”

“So what?” Aaron said. “It’s none of their business. They can fuck off.”

“Aaron, I’m just trying to look at this rationally,” Robert said. God, this was harder than he thought. “You have to drive me everywhere, and what if this… between us gets more... intense, and you start to resent me? For all the little things I need, for keeping the things in the fridge in exactly the right place so I know where stuff is, keeping my wardrobe the way I like it…”

“What are you going on about?” Aaron said. “I won’t resent you. Where is this coming from?”

“You deserve better,” Robert said. “You deserve someone who doesn’t need a cane when they walk out of the house. Who doesn’t need guiding like an old man.”

“This isn't you talking,” Aaron said. “It’s not. You know I don’t care about any of that.”

“You don’t now,” Robert said. “But if we carry on… I couldn’t bear it if you resented me, and you’d never say that’s the reason because you’re too… good.”

“Are you… You are, aren't you? You're breaking up with me?” Aaron asked quietly.

“I don’t want to,” Robert said. “I think maybe we should… slow things down a bit.”

“I don’t want slow!” Aaron snapped. “But you do?”

“I think we should calm down spending all our time together,” Robert said.

“I can’t do that,” Aaron said. “I want more of you, not less!”

“Aaron, don’t make this difficult.”

“You’re dumping me, and I’m the one making it difficult?” Aaron asked. “You’re crazy.”

“I don’t want to end this,” Robert said.

“You’re the one who started this conversation!”

“Aaron, come here.” Aaron did, but it was with great reluctance. It was only his respect for Robert that had him moving, his hand instantly flying to Aaron’s face, touch soft.

“I can’t have less of you,” Aaron said slowly. “It’d only be putting off the inevitable. If you genuinely mean it…”

“I want what’s best for you, and I don’t think I’m it.” Robert swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“This can’t be it,” Aaron said, shaking his head.

“It feels like it is. I’m sorry.”

“Just like that?” Aaron said. “I’m not a child, I don’t need protecting!” He was getting angry in spite of himself. “It can’t be over."

"Let's just give it some time." Robert pressed a very chaste kiss to Aaron's lips, then shut down. Aaron could see it on his face. He wouldn't get anything out of Robert right now.

"Fine," Aaron said coldly, glad for once that Robert couldn't see him. Couldn't see his eyes filling with tears as he grabbed his hoodie angrily. One thing he knew for sure, he'd never forgive his parents for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chemical that blinded Robert is completely invented nd doesn't share any resemblance to anything real. Likewise, I'm not sure the rally car simulation actually exists! But it was too perfect for Robert!


	3. Autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient with me! This chapter has been the hardest to write out of all of them, so please be kind! Hope you enjoy!

The razor nicked him, drawing blood and he gasped. “Shit.” He hadn’t been careful enough, and it had been a while since he’d cut himself shaving. Robert pressed his thumb to the small cut, sighing. Didn’t even know why he was bothering, being honest. Not like he had anyone to meet or even leaving the house, but he did always feel better after a shave. It was just, like so many tasks these days, something that took longer than it used to. He felt his cheeks and chin, making sure he’d shaved properly before rinsing off, ignoring the slight cut. He hoped he didn't have a bloodstain anywhere. God, he missed Aaron.

* * *

Aaron could hear the pigs outside scuffling around and waiting to be fed. Not his usual alarm clock, but what he’d had for every day of the week so far. He was currently living in Zak and Lisa’s box room. He couldn’t bear living in the pub after everything, and he didn’t know who’d put it in Robert’s head that their relationship had to end, but he knew it was either his mum or Paddy. The lack of surprise when Aaron had got to the pub, incredibly upset on the day Robert had ditched him told him that. He’d not spoken to them since, even though Chas had tried. He didn’t have any place to go, not really, and crashing on Vic’s sofa didn’t seem like a good solution. So he’d asked if he could kip up at Wishing Well. He knew they were reporting back on him to his mother, but he was out of options. He didn’t fancy staying up at Cain and Moira’s. That really was a bit too much Cain throughout the day, all things considered.

“Oh, Aaron love, I’ve got your breakfast on, bacon sarnie?” Lisa said from behind the oven as he came downstairs.

“Thanks,” Aaron said.

“Er… how long are you planning on staying?” Zak said. “Not that we don’t like having you, you’re welcome any time, but er… the funds are a bit tight sometimes.”

“Oh,” Aaron said. He reached into his wallet and got a couple of twenty pound notes out, sticking them in the jar. It was the least he could do, Lisa had been feeding him every meal and he hadn’t paid a penny.

“Thanks, love,” Lisa said. “It will help.”

“Thanks for putting me up,” Aaron said.

“Are you talking to Chas?” Zak asked.

“No,” Aaron said dully, taking his tea Lisa had already made for him. “Ta.”

“You should talk to her.”

“Leave it, Zak,” Lisa said. “He’ll talk to her when he’s ready.”

* * *

Melissa knocked on the door of the Mill with trepidation. She’d only been here once before, but checking on her employees homes wasn’t her usual business. Robert hadn’t been answering her emails, or phone calls and she was starting to get worried. _Maybe he’s dead in a ditch_ kind of worried. She knocked again when there was no answer, waiting. After about three minutes which felt a lot longer, the door opened.

“Who is it?” Robert said dully, staring out of the door frame blankly.

“It’s Melissa,” she said. “Your… editor?” He looked exhausted and thinner than usual and seeing him hadn’t stopped her worry, rather it had increased it.

“I guess you better come in,” Robert said. She passed over the threshold looking at a very messy living room, things scattered everywhere. Not Robert’s normal neat living space. “What do you want?”

“I’ve been… concerned,” she said. “About you. You’ve missed two deadlines and you’ve not even emailed me to say why. It’s not like you.”

“I’ve been busy,” Robert said. She doubted this, she could see an indent in the sofa and an abandoned blanket where Robert had clearly been spending most of his time.

“What’s happened?” she asked.

“I er…” Robert rubbed his hands over his face harshly. “My boyfriend and I broke up. I’m not taking it well”

“Oh,” she said. “I’m sorry. Was he the first relationship since you lost…”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I’ve been an idiot, but I don’t know how to fix it. I know I’ve missed some deadlines, I’m sorry, I just…”

“It’s all right,” she said. “Have you got anyone to talk to?”

“My sister,” Robert said. “He was amazing. He never made me feel small over my eyesight. I’ll never find someone else like him.”

“Er… shall I make tea?” Melissa stumbled upon. She hadn’t anticipated finding Robert in this state and had no idea what to do.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll survive.” Robert spoke emotionlessly.

“When’s the last time you ate?” 

“I don’t know,” Robert said.

“I’m making you a sandwich,” she said. After having a quick look in the kitchen, she found it stocked up (Robert’s sister?) and it didn’t take long. “Eat. I’ll say you’re taking some time off for your health, you’ll still get paid.”

“Don’t deserve it,” Robert said, hunched over on the sofa. 

“You’re feeling sorry for yourself.”

“Yes,” Robert agreed. He knew Melissa from before, she’d been an associate of the White’s, and he knew that their friendly history was the only reason she was being nice to him and keeping his job open. She didn’t have to.

“Eat it, you’ll feel better,” she insisted. Robert meekly agreed.

* * *

“Come on, Aaron!” Chas begged. “Please!”

“You’re only here because you know I can’t run away from you at work,” Aaron grumbled. Cain set this up, and Aaron was angry.

“I swear to you,” she said. “I said nothing to Robert. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him.”

“Someone put it in his head that I deserve someone better than him,” Aaron said. “I know they did, because he started saying a lot of crap about things I don’t care about, that I’d resent him for it. It’s not Robert talking. He knows I don’t care!”

“Maybe someone did,” Chas agreed. “It was not me. Please come home, I miss you.”

“I’m not coming home,” Aaron said. “I want to know the truth.”

“All right,” Chas said, relenting. “It was Paddy.”

This didn’t surprise Aaron. Chas wasn’t acting as guilty as she normally would have if it were her. “What did Paddy say to him?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Chas said calmly. “I don’t! I didn’t ask him to intervene, he did it all on his own. I agree with him, but I’d never go behind your back. I’d tell you both to your face.” Aaron felt it hard to argue with her logic. She hadn’t kept her displeasure hidden. Paddy had probably put up with her complaining for a while and then decided to have a quick word with Robert. Then all hell had broken loose. “I don’t know what he said,” Chas repeated. “But think about it. It’s Paddy. He’s not threatening, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. How hard did Paddy really have to push Robert for him to dump you? It didn’t take much.”

“He found Robert’s one weak spot, and smashed right through it,” Aaron said, emotion getting to him. “If he’d have said anything else about him, Robert wouldn’t care. But he’s sensitive about his eyesight, he tries to act like he’s not, but it matters. And Paddy just went in and told him that I need a boyfriend who’s got working eyes? I don’t care about that!”

“He’ll have just been looking out for you,” Chas said.

“When I need protecting, I’ll say,” Aaron said. He picked up the spanner and looked at the car. Chas must have got the hint because she ended the conversation very rapidly, walking off. One thing had stuck, though. How hard had Paddy pushed for Robert to end it? Because if the situations were reversed, nothing any of Robert’s family said would have made him end their relationship.

* * *

It took three days for Aaron to bump into Robert in the village. He found him in the cafe, on a corner table, hunched over himself.

Aaron ordered a coffee to take away quietly, then touched Robert’s hand and he froze in recognition, face arched up to where Aaron stood. “Hi,” Aaron said. “I want to talk to you.”

“We’re in public,” Robert said, looking around.

“There’s not many people here,” Aaron said. “I’ll be quick.”

“Oh,” Robert said, disappointed. Aaron sat down opposite him.

“What did Paddy say to you?” Aaron asked.

“What? Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Aaron said. “I know you too well. My mum’s already admitted it was Paddy who talked you out of our relationship.”

“He didn’t talk me out of it,” Robert said. “He er… made some good points.”

“Yeah, like what?” Aaron asked shortly.

“The things you’d have to sacrifice if you were with me,” Robert said. “Long term. He’s right.”

“No, he’s not,” Aaron said. “Why did you believe him?” Aaron reached for him and held his hand, in lieu of Robert being able to see him. Robert’s thumb went across his knuckles lightly.

“I know I’m a lot,” Robert said. “You make… made me happier than I thought possible, and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

"Give me one good reason," Aaron said. "Just tell me why." Robert shrugged.  “If it were the other way around, nothing Vic would say to me would ever make me drop you. Paddy should have left well enough alone, and I’m furious at him. But you believed him.” He squeezed Robert’s hand. “I’ll see you around.” He grabbed the coffee Brenda gave him and left. Robert didn’t try to stop him.

* * *

Aaron went around to the vets surgery. He didn’t want to catch Paddy at home because it gave Paddy unlimited time to talk him around. “Aaron!” Paddy said, pleased to see him as he came out to call the next patient.

“I need to talk to you,” Aaron said. Paddy waved him through, ignoring Mrs Emerson and her angry cat. He’d waive the fee for her.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Why did you feel the need to get Robert to break up with me?” Aaron asked, keeping calm with effort. “Don’t bother lying, mum already ratted you out.”

“I wanted him aware,” Paddy said. “It’s not…”

“I’m an adult,” Aaron said. “I can see who I want, when I want. I can see three men at the same time if it suits me! It’s none of your business!”

“Aaron, I’m just worried about you,” Paddy said. “I’m sure Robert’s great, and I know you’re fond of him…” Aaron snorted. “You’re fragile. And don’t tell me I’m overreacting! I’ve been there, picking you up when you’ve cut yourself to pieces.”

“Paddy…” Aaron said, shaking his head.

“More than once! Jackson, your useless father. You’ve tried to kill yourself when it got too much! I do it because I want you well and happy, and you know I see you as my son. I can’t watch you fall deeper into something that could become a massive problem for you and not say anything? Why would I?”

“So, I can’t have a relationship with any man, in case it goes wrong?” Aaron asked. "That's not real life." He dropped the accusing angry tone, because he understood where Paddy was coming from. “I’m not cutting. I’m in a better place, and I’m not going to start. You worrying about that does not help me.”

“Bet you’ve not told Robert about that.”

“I didn’t need to,” Aaron said. “He already knew.”

“How?”

“He felt them,” Aaron said. “He didn’t say anything about the scars on my body at all for months.”

“I didn’t tell him to get rid of you,” Paddy said quietly. “I promise you. I told him to think about it, seriously. Maybe I overstepped.”

“Maybe?” Aaron said. “I love him. I love him so much, and you told him that his blindness meant that I’d love him less? He was a burden? I don’t think that, and you shouldn’t either. If I need you to get rid of my boyfriends, next time I’ll ask you.” Aaron left, because as much as he hated Paddy for what he’d done, he was family. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret, and he was simmering with anger. Best to leave it.

* * *

“A letter came for you,” Lisa said, stressed from trying to cook a meal for six.

“Thanks,” Aaron said. It wasn’t stamped, someone had posted it through the door, and all it said was “Aaron” on the front. It wasn’t his mums handwriting, or Robert’s either. He flicked it open and found a newspaper cutting, which he found a bit odd. He decided to take it upstairs, away from Zak and Belle’s loud argument over the telly, into the spare room that he’d been sleeping in.

He realised what it was. It was Robert’s column, one of his recent ones judging by the date. It even had a picture accompanying it, though Robert was wearing dark glasses in it. Was that to play up to the image people had of the blind? Shaking his head, he began to read.

_ Break ups. We’ve all been through them, but somehow they always seem to hurt more. Being blind doesn’t change how I feel about losing someone I love. But I do know that it’s slightly different for me. I don’t have pictures to look back on. I have no postcard memories saved on a camera roll to smile at, even years down the line when the pain has faded. I have nothing to rely on but my own memory. Try as hard as I want to, to hold on to the image of him, I know it’ll go. I can’t picture his smile. I can’t hold on to the way he looks when he’s happy or upset. Because they’re things I don’t know, things I’ll never know about him.  _

_ All I can do is try to imprint the memory of his body, his face through my hands, through the language of touch. At the same time, I know that it’s not going to be enough. However hard I try to keep the pieces of him that I can know, it’s going to slip through my hands like sand. In a few months, I won’t have the familiarity with him to keep even that. He’ll be like a stranger to me, and I think, out of everything, that hurts the most. I won’t even have the memory to look back on. _

There was a note stuck inside. “Talk to him.” It had to be from Vic. Just had to be. No one else would take the care to clip it from a newspaper and hand deliver it. Aaron didn’t want to act on it. There were things he hadn’t considered, that Robert’s memory of him would be coloured by having no vision, but it didn’t really change anything. Even so, he tucked it into his wallet, just in case.

* * *

Great. Aaron had tried to avoid Vic around the village, but she was like superglue and wouldn’t be shaken off. “Aaron!” she squealed in the middle of David’s shop. “Just who I was hoping to see!”

“Vic, don’t,” Aaron said quietly. “I'm here for booze, and to avoid the sermon from my mother if I tried drinking in the pub, I don’t need one from you.”

“Please,” she said. “Give me five minutes.”

“Then you’ll leave me alone?” Aaron asked, considering it.

“Promise.”

“Fine.” Aaron paid, then left the shop, not wanting an audience.

“Four minutes, forty five seconds,” Aaron told Vic when it looked like she was hesitating.

“Robert really misses you,” she said making Aaron roll his eyes.

“He broke up with me, Vic,” Aaron said. “Not much I can do about that.”

“He didn’t want to,” she said. “He loves you.”

“Funny way of showing it,” he muttered. “He pushed me away, he doesn’t want me.” Even though Paddy interfered, Robert had very much done the dumping.

“Do you really believe that?” Vic asked. “If you do, you’re a bigger idiot than him, you deserve each other. You love him, I know you do.”

“Yeah, I do, alright?” Aaron said. “I do want him back, but I’m not going over his to beg. He finished it, if he wants me, he knows where to find me.”

“God! You’re so stubborn!”

“Are you done?” Aaron said. “I’ve got these to get through,” he added, lifting the cans of beer.

“Come over to Robert’s,” she said.

“Are you having a laugh?”

“He doesn’t have to know you’re there,” she continued.

“He’s blind, not stupid.”

“Just be quiet then!” she snapped. 

“Vic, he’ll smell me,” Aaron said.

“Thanks for that,” she said, screwing her nose up. “I want you to hear it from him how much he misses you.”

Maybe it was the fact he hadn’t seen Robert in weeks. Or how much he longed for his touch or his smile, but Aaron found himself agreeing. “Be quiet,” Vic said. “He won’t like being tricked.”

“I know,” he said.

“Worth it though,” she said with confidence. Aaron found himself being shepherded to the Mill and he let her do it. Why did he think this was a good idea? She put a finger to her lips and Aaron nodded. Robert was sharp, convincing him he was alone with his sister wouldn’t be easy.

Vic knocked once, then let herself in with her key.

“Rob!” she shouted up the stairs. Aaron glued himself to the wall, not wanting to make any noise. He hadn’t seen the house like this before. It was a mess, things were scattered everywhere over every surface. It looked like Robert had been picking things up then abandoning them. He knew it would make life very difficult for Robert, to live with his things haphazardly thrown everywhere, because he couldn’t find what he wanted. How did he move about the house? There was even a book, open and face down. A book Robert couldn’t read?

“Yeah, I’m here,” Robert said, coming down the stairs. “Thanks for the shopping, I appreciate it.”

“Well, you should be,” Vic said. “It’s the last one I’m doing for you. You can’t wallow indoors for the rest of your life.”

“I’ll get Tescos to deliver,” Robert said, sinking onto the sofa. His face went to the wall Aaron was standing against. “Are you on your own?”

“Yes,” Vic said, making an effort to ruffle the plastic bags. Though he seemed to believe her, following her voice. “I want to talk about Aaron.”

“I’ll definitely order at Tescos,” Robert said darkly, leaning back on the sofa and closing his eyes.

“I saw him,” Vic said. “At the shop.” Robert stiffened.

“How was he?”

“Terrible,” Vic said, making Aaron glare at her. “He misses you.”

“He’ll get over me,” Robert said.

“The way you’re getting over him?” Vic said, putting the milk in the fridge.

“I’m meant to be single,” Robert said. “He made me forget.”

“Forget what?”

“That I’m defective,” Robert said. “That no one will ever want to be with me because I can't see them.”

“Oh, pity party,” she said.

“Don’t!” Robert shouted. “I left him for his own good. He’ll find someone else, someone who doesn’t have these problems, who he doesn’t have to look after all the time. He’s amazing, he _will_ find someone else.”

“God, you miss him,” she said, moving over to the sofa and taking his hand.

“I ache to touch him,” Robert admitted. “I’m terrified of forgetting what his face looks like, because I can’t see him any more. Can hardly ask an ex if I can touch his face every week, just to keep the memory alive.”

“Robert, talk to him.”

“I can't,” Robert said. “He deserves more.” Robert moved to touch Vic’s face lightly, to keep her close, just once.

“We’re not in the fifties,” Vic said. “Voice technology is great, you’re not nearly incapable and you know that. So why all this?”

“I miss him so much. Just to have him near. I don’t even know when he’s across the street from me and I can’t see him. How many times have I bumped into him?”

Vic looked at Aaron like it was his cue, and he rolled his eyes at her. He hated to hear Robert this upset, but he also felt a little like he’d been manipulated. Aaron moved towards him and Robert’s head swung to the movement, then to Vic. He knew it was Aaron, recognised his walk.

“You lied.”

“Yes,” she said without shame. “You’re miserable, you both are.” Aaron moved over to the sofa and got in Robert’s personal space. He pressed his forehead to Robert’s, briefly touching their noses and Robert let out a breath he’d been holding for what felt like weeks. 

“I don’t want you here because you feel sorry for me,” Robert said, voice barely more than a whisper.

“I’ve never been with you because I felt sorry for you,” Aaron said. Robert’s palms went to his face, slowly touching him and Aaron kissed him, pressing his lips very softly against Robert’s, nervous, scared. Robert took the initiative and deepened the kiss like he was starving for it, pushing Aaron flat against the sofa. It became more passionate and intense, Robert’s hands sliding down to his bum and squeezing as Aaron wrapped his thighs around Robert’s waist, so entwined with each other, feeling each other everywhere.

“I'm sorry. I was being stupid. Can we not be broken up anymore?” Robert whispered against Aaron’s ear, kissing the bare patch of skin just behind his ear.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. “If you’ve got over yourself and you’re trying to do the right thing crap?”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed, a smile on his face. “Vic?” he suddenly remembered that he was probably giving his sister a show.

“I think she left when you started feeling up my arse,” Aaron said happily. “I love you. It’s not in spite of your blindness, I love you just as you are.”

“I love you,” Robert said. “I don’t want to be without you.”

“The house is a mess,” Aaron said, looking around.

“I know,” Robert said. “I picked things up to distract myself then lost interest and… I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“It’s going to take a while to clear up.”

“Stop talking about the house,” Robert said. “Lock the door and pull me upstairs into bed, and I don’t want to come up for air for at least three days.”

“Not being funny, but you look like you haven’t showered in days,” Aaron said.

“Oh, okay,” Robert said. “We can start in the shower and end on the mattress.”

“This is for real, right?” Aaron asked. “Not some quick sex, simply to stop it hurting, then you’ll push me away again?”

Robert held his face carefully, wanting desperately to convey how serious he was. “I want to forget the last few weeks, and I want you back in my life, permanently. I know the sex is really good, but that’s not the reason. I just do. I need you. I’m hoping you feel the same.”

“I do,” Aaron said. “I just can’t cope with you ditching me again, not for such a stupid reason.” Robert’s hand went to Aaron’s stomach in worry at the phrase “can’t cope” and Aaron pulled him back. “No. I’ve not been hurting myself.”

“Can I check anyway?” Robert asked softly.

“Yeah, if you want.” Robert lifted Aaron’s T shirt, and very gently ran his fingertips across his scars. It only took a minute or two before Robert bent to his stomach and started kissing the marks on his body. Very gently, like he was something precious and Aaron gasped. He loved how special he felt when Robert touched him, especially when he was feeling sentimental. When Robert’s nose started pushing at his jeans and going lower, Aaron twisted away.

“Come on,” Aaron said. “Shower” Robert didn’t have it in him to argue, didn’t really want to, holding Aaron’s hand as they went upstairs. Aaron undressed Robert carefully, Robert’s face always in Aaron’s direction like he was searching him out. Was it his blindness, or his natural arrogance that meant he felt fairly confident being naked, even when Aaron was clothed? Aaron wished, not for the first time, that he’d known Robert before. To see which parts of him were a reaction to his disability, and what was just inherently Robert. “You’re gorgeous,” Aaron said.

Aaron put his palms on Robert’s face, letting him know he was here and Robert smiled at him. Aaron turned the shower on to warm up as Robert’s hands started getting interested in him, groping for him and pulling at his jeans. “Calm down, I’m not going anywhere,” Aaron said, happiness in his voice. “We’ve got the time.”

“I want you,” Robert said. “I always want you.” He pulled at Aaron’s clothes, hands lingering on his warm skin.

When they were in the shower, Robert forgot all about his inhibitions, washing Aaron’s body with shower gel. Aaron let him do it, knowing he wanted to get reaquainted with his body. It had only been a few weeks, but it felt like a lot longer for them both. Aaron stood still as his palms stroked over his body, his chest, his stomach, his thighs.

“I’d not remembered you well,” Robert said critically. "I wish I had."

“We’ve not been apart that long,” Aaron said, a little self conscious.

“You can picture me,” Robert said, close to his ear. “I have to remember the shape of you, it’s more difficult.” Robert kissed him deeply, pressing Aaron into the shower wall. Deep, sensual, breath stealing kisses. 

“Where’s the lube?”

“Still in the bathroom cabinet,” Robert said. Aaron went to get it, ignoring the fact he was dripping water all over the bathroom floor. He closed the shower door quickly, pulling Robert into another kiss, Robert keeping his eyes closed. Aaron started stroking Robert to hardness and he groaned loudly. Aaron was practised at this by now, and with a couple of flicks of his wrist, he had Robert panting.

“You want to bottom?”

“Mm,” Robert agreed, nodding quickly. “Yeah, want to feel you inside me.” Aaron pulled one of Robert’s legs up, so it wrapped around his waist, reaching behind him and slowly stretching him open. Their faces were very close, sharing soft kisses every now and then as Aaron added more lube, getting him wet. He thudded three fingers against Robert’s prostate, and he moaned loudly. “I’m ready, hurry up.”

“Turn around,” Aaron said. “If you’re all right with that?” Knowing that Robert liked to face him most of the time.

“Yeah,” Robert said, leaning his head on the wall, as he concentrated on what Aaron was doing to him, Aaron’s hands on his hips, adjusting the angle before he slowly, so, so slowly pushed into him.

“God, you’re making this last,” Robert breathed.

“Mm,” Aaron said into his neck. “Want to make you remember what you’re missing.”

“I’m not missing it any more,” Robert said. He twitched a little, Aaron’s stillness getting to him. “Come on.”

He slowly started rocking his hips and Robert reached back for him, pulling him close.

“God, you feel good,” Robert said. “Yeah, right there.” Aaron started stroking his cock in time with his thrusts, panting hard. Aaron pinched his nipples the way Robert liked, and even without being able to see, Robert knew they'd be red. But it felt so good, that stimulation and he kept rocking into the wall. __ “I’m going to come.”

“Go on,” Aaron groaned, tightening his grip the way he loved, and he tensed as he came, crying out with the rush of pleasure shooting through him.

“Aaron, god!” he moaned. Aaron stilled, waiting for him to recover his breath before he carried on pushing against his prostate, chasing his own orgasm. It didn’t take long for it to hit him, deep inside Robert as he whined against Robert’s wet shoulder, muffling it. 

Eventually he pulled out, Robert whimpering with over sensitivity. He felt like he couldn’t move, like he was just going to lean against the shower wall, well and truly fucked for the rest of his life.

“Shit,” Aaron gasped. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Robert breathed, head cast down. He wasn’t entirely sure how long his legs could keep supporting him.

“We didn’t… I didn’t use protection.”

“Oh.” Robert had known that, he’d felt it from the moment Aaron pushed inside him. He could have said something, but he hadn’t wanted to. He’d wanted to feel every moment of that, even though he and Aaron hadn’t talked about sex without condoms yet. “It’s all right,” Robert said. “I could have stopped you, but I didn’t want to. There’s not been anyone else.” He didn’t like the pause from Aaron. “Oh, I see.”

“No!” Aaron said quickly, a hand stroking across his shoulders. “There hasn’t been anyone else at all for me. Of course not. I’m just… I’m usually so careful and I forgot.”

“Hey, I wanted to feel you too,” Robert said. “It felt good. Right?” Aaron kissed him, wet, messy and uncoordinated, but it reassured him. “I wanna go to bed.” He didn’t care that it was only early afternoon, he planned on sleeping, screwing, then sleeping again.

“Great idea,” Aaron said sincerely, passing him a towel.

* * *

Robert and Aaron both woke up independently at around four in the morning. They gravitated towards each other, kissing gently. “Before Paddy came to talk to me, I’d been thinking,” Robert said. “About us. Maybe that’s why what he said hit harder than it normally would have. I had been thinking about our future.”

“You’re not kicking me out,” Aaron said in disbelief.

“No,” Robert said, a hand on Aaron's waist and pulling him close. “Not that. I was... at the time, thinking about asking you to move in with me.”

“Oh!” Aaron said in surprise. “I didn’t expect that.”

“I want you here, I really do, but it does make me a bit… nervous,” Robert said. “Because of my condition, inviting someone into my home…”

“I understand,” Aaron said. “As much as anyone can who’s not living with it. I know having your things disturbed isn’t a mild inconvenience for you. I understand that. I’m not going to say I’m going to be perfect. But I’d love to try.”

“You still want to do it?” Robert asked surprised. “We’ve been back together for about 12 hours.”

“Yeah, and?” Aaron said, smiling against Robert’s chest. “If you’d have asked me before, I’d have said yes without even thinking.”

“I’m now hating that I didn’t,” Robert said. “People will call us crazy.”

“So what?” Aaron asked. “I woke up here more often than not anyway. But if it’s too soon for you…”

“No,” Robert said. “I want it. I er… didn’t bring it up for that. It makes me happy. You make me happy.”

“So… I’m moving in?”

“If you want to,” Robert said, holding him close. “We can wait, if you want.”

“You don’t want to wait,” Aaron said, a statement.

“No, I don't,” Robert said. “I missed you so much. I don’t know if we’re going to make it, but I need you in my life.”

“I need you in mine too. I’ll move in.” Robert grinned broadly, both his palms against Aaron’s face as he drew him into a soft kiss.

“Your mum won’t like it.”

“She doesn’t get a say any more,” Aaron said. “I’d move in anyway, but I do feel like I owe her less of an explanation than I would have.”

“Fair enough.”

* * *

Chas rushed through from the bar to the back room. She’d heard Aaron come in and wanted to catch him. The joy faded into anger as she saw him packing a suitcase, struggling with the zip. “No!” she shouted. “You’ve got to come home! You can’t just sneak out of here!”

“I wasn’t sneaking out,” Aaron said. “I was waiting for you to have five minutes. If I’d have wanted to grab some stuff, I’d have come in at three in the morning.” Chas didn’t like how that sounded like he’d thought about it seriously. “I wanted to say goodbye.”

“You’re not moving into Zak and Lisa’s for good,” Chas said. "No, you can't, this is your home."

“No,” Aaron said. “I’m moving into Robert’s.” She spluttered, clearly thinking that was a much worse option.

“You weren’t even together twenty four hours ago,” Chas said.

“Yeah, thanks to my parents sticking their noses in,” Aaron said. “Robert is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He’s stronger than you’d ever believe, and he’s vulnerable, especially when you point out how his blindness is limiting. He wants me there, and I want to be there.”

“We’re allowed to be concerned,” Chas said. “That’s what parents do, okay?” Aaron nodded. He was feeling more charitable since spending an entire day in Robert’s bed, the memory of his mouth still highly coloured.

“Please don’t make this a bad thing,” Aaron said. “I’m probably going to need to run here when it goes wrong.”

“Do you think it will go wrong?” Chas asked. “Because if you think that already…”

“It’s not the same as moving in with any other boyfriend,” Aaron said. “He needs his things kept in a certain place, so I know we’re going to argue. But we both really want this, so I’m here to say bye, I guess.”

“If you’re sure,” Chas said. “Then I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah?” Aaron said in disbelief. "Sound like you mean it, mum."

“I want you to be happy, that’s it,” Chas said. “I think it’s happening a bit too fast, but if you’re happy? That’s okay with me.”

“I think he might be it, mum,” Aaron said. Chas gave him a tight hug, one Aaron echoed. All things said, he loved his mum. Even if she was a complete nightmare at times, he loved her.

* * *

Aaron unlocked the door to the Mill for the first time with his new key, seeing Robert stretched out on the sofa, smiling at him. “The last of my stuff.” Robert grinned.

“You’re here for good?”

“Mm,” Aaron said. “If you’ll put up with me.”

“Can’t wait.” Robert kissed him gently. “When you’re setting up your video games, just don’t move my laptop or the charger.”

“Will do,” Aaron said. “Love you.”

"I love you more."

* * *

Robert had cleared some wardrobe space for Aaron, throwing out clothes he didn’t wear or had seen better days. It felt good, to find Aaron’s clothes hanging up next to his. Like they belonged together. He reached for his colour detector and pressed it to Aaron’s hoodies, wanting to picture them in his mind. “Black.” He moved to the next item of clothing. “Black.” It was when it said black for the fourth time that Robert was sensing a distinctive pattern here. Didn’t Aaron wear any colour?

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked.

“Looking for something that’s not black,” Robert said. “Is all your stuff dark?”

“I like black,” Aaron said. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Don’t you ever wear anything bright?”

“Why does it bother you anyway?” Aaron said, sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Robert rifle through their clothes.

“Because,” Robert said. “Bet you look fit when you wear something a bit... different.”

“Yeah, and…” Robert smiled and after feeling for him, straddled Aaron on the bed, Aaron looking up at him and smiling.

“When you look particularly good, there’s a confidence about you, an attitude that I find deeply attractive,” Robert said. “It’s like there’s an extra… I don’t know, swagger about you. I like that. It makes me feel good that this man picked me.” He kissed Aaron’s earlobe. “Turns me on.”

“You want me to wear something that’s not black,” Aaron summed up, rolling his eyes.

“For me, yes,” Robert said. “It’s not a hardship, is it? I’ll buy you something. A soft hoodie that feels really good when I’m unzipping it and taking it off you.” It wasn’t so much the words Robert was saying, but the low rumble in his tone that was getting to Aaron. “Just because I can’t see you, it doesn’t mean I don’t want my boyfriend to look good.”

“Fine,” Aaron said, getting Robert to smile into his neck. “I’ll get something that’s not a black hoodie.

“Perfect.”

* * *

He’d planned to meet Aaron after work, but he arrived at the pub early. He needed to clear the air with Chas.

“Aaron’s not here,” she said, displeasure through her voice.

“I know, I wanted to talk to you,” Robert said.

“About what?” she asked.

“I want you to know that I’ll look after Aaron,” Robert said. She snorted in disbelief. “I mean it. I love him, and the last thing I’d ever want is for him to suffer. He comes first with me, and it’s going to stay that way. I know you don’t approve, but I’ve got time to change your mind. Because me and him? We’re solid.”

“You weren’t even together last week,” Chas said.

“Who interfered in that?” Robert sighed. “I’m not here to have a go at you, I swear. I want you to know that Aaron’s all right with me.”

“Oh, now I'm wonderfully reassured,” Chas said and he could hear the sarcasm from her, but he’d done his best.

“Bring a pint over, please,” Robert said.

* * *

“You want to talk to me,” Aaron said, when he came into the pub and squeezing his shoulder in greeting.

“How do you know that?” Robert said, amused and annoyed at how well Aaron knew him.

“I can tell,” Aaron said. “Go on.”

“I got a call earlier today,” Robert said. “Could you give me a few lifts into Leeds over the next few weeks?”

“Er… yeah, I guess. Why?”

“They’ve got a guide dog for me. I’m at the top of the waiting list and they finally called.”

“Oh, Rob, that’s great,” Aaron said sincerely. “It could help you so much." Robert didn't reply. "You don’t seem excited.”

“I will be,” Robert said. “But I’ve got to go to the workshop so they can teach me the hand signals and gestures. What to expect from the dog, make sure I get along with them. They don’t just hand one over.”

“Oh,” Aaron said. He hadn’t considered that. “How long will it take?”

“If it all goes well, about a month,” Robert said. “I know it’s a lot to ask, you driving me all the time, but…”

“Hey, don’t worry about that,” Aaron said confidently. “You need this. What breed of dog is it?”

“I didn’t ask,” Robert said. “They want me to meet them first. They’re not puppies, they’re already trained and ready to go.”

“Can I come in with you?” Aaron said shyly. “I want to see them.”

“Why?”

“I love dogs,” Aaron said. “And I’m… going to be around this one a lot. Aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Robert said, feeling reassured. “I hope so.” Aaron reached across and kissed him, startling Robert for a second. He hadn’t felt it coming, but he smiled against Aaron’s lips contentedly. "Thanks."

* * *

Aaron drove around the car park again, looking for a space. “Park in the disabled bay,” Robert said.

“I can’t, I’ll get a ticket,” Aaron said.

“I’ve got a badge,” Robert said. He felt around in his jacket pocket and found the blue badge. “I’m allowed to park there. Or, I guess, whoever’s driving me is.”

“How long have you had that?” Aaron asked.

“Before you came along,” Robert said. “You never asked," he added at the obvious insinuation.

“You didn’t exactly volunteer either!” Aaron said.

“We can argue, or you can park,” Robert said. Aaron grumbled under his breath while parking up, taking Robert’s pass and sticking it on the windscreen.

“You’re nervous.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “A dog is a lot. What if they can’t find one that likes me?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Aaron said. “Seriously, it will be fine. I promise. I'm the dog whisperer, me.” Robert shrugged and Aaron squeezed his hand. “Let’s go in.”

* * *

They were very friendly at the centre, introducing themselves and smiling at Aaron when they saw he was Robert’s boyfriend. They talked about what to expect of a guide dog, and how helpful they could be, and the responsibility, just a hair away from being a lecture. But then, Aaron knew these dogs were expensive. About fifty thousand pounds to train a guide dog, he’d looked it up.

“When they’re in their harness, they’re working,” the trainer said. “When they’re not, they’re having their play time or down time. It’s important that no one other than you, Robert, pets the dog when they’re working, because it can be a distraction.” She glared at Aaron when she said this and he rolled his eyes. Yeah, he was a dog person, that didn’t mean he couldn’t abide by the rules. Robert’s safety was too important.

“We’ve matched you up with your dog, based on temperament, size of the dog, family situation.” Aaron knew they meant that there were no kids in the house. “We’ve paired you up with Gemma.”

“Can I meet her?” Robert asked, hiding his nervousness.

The trainer smiled. “Yeah, the handler’s bringing her in. We’ll see how she takes to you.” Robert nodded, everyone waiting the few seconds it took. Robert heard the dog first. The padding of her feet, slight panting and he held his hand out for her. He could feel the sniffing from the dog, acquainting herself to the stranger, then Robert jumped when she licked his hand. It made Aaron laugh.

“She’s gorgeous,” Aaron said. “Black lab.”

“You can pet her,” the handler told Robert. He did, gaining confidence as she seemed happy. The dog jumped up his chest, very eager and Robert could feel that she was a large dog. Aaron laughed. After about five minutes, she curled up on Robert’s feet, literally, and he could feel her very large solid weight. Almost comforting. “Oh, she likes you.”

“Good,” Robert said, scratching her between the ears.

* * *

It felt like a long time before Robert got the green light to take her home. But he did, the instructor feeling confident with Robert’s ability to instruct the dog, and Gemma had taken to him wonderfully. Aaron on the other hand was like a kid at Christmas, waiting for Gemma to come home. He bought a dog basket and food bowls after having met her for 24 hours, which both made Robert smile at him, and slightly panic, because what if it didn’t work out?

But it had, and they were taking Gemma home. Honestly, the most difficult thing for Robert to learn hadn’t been any of the gestures, it was putting her guide dog harness on correctly. Aaron had to help the first few times, to make sure the straps were correctly placed. Because Robert had never seen it, it was hard to form a picture of it in his mind. But he’d got that down, and Gemma had sat patiently while he’d learned.

“Come on girl,” Aaron said, letting her out of the car when they got home. “Lets get you settled in.”

“Is the dog for me or you?”

“You get the boring parts, I get the fun parts,” Aaron said.

“Leave her in her harness,” Robert said. “I’ll take her around the village, make sure no one kicks up a fuss about having a dog in the cafe or the pub.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Do you want...?”

“I want to be alone,” Robert said. “Do you mind?” Aaron kissed his cheek gently.

“Course not.”

“We’ve had so many people fussing over her and me, I just want to be alone with her. To get used to her.”

“I get it,” Aaron said. “Don’t let my mum give you grief about bringing her inside.”

“I won’t,” Robert said. “Thanks. For everything.” Aaron smiled against Robert’s neck, so he could feel it.

* * *

It took a week for Gemma to get used to them, and vice versa. She was a very happy calm dog. Aaron usually took her out for a walk first thing in the morning, before she was “on duty.” It was harder to tell who enjoyed that more. Aaron hadn’t been lying, he did love dogs. It had occurred to Robert that maybe he was saying it just so Robert didn’t feel guilty about inviting a dog into their home. Even though Robert needed it. But no, he always came back cold from the wind, tired and happy. Half the time he kissed Robert awake in bed before going for a shower, or going to work at the garage.

Gemma had given Robert more confidence. He never let his blindness limit him if he could help it, but it was reassuring to have her. She wouldn’t move if traffic was coming, or in town if a red traffic light was on, and if she didn’t walk, Robert knew there was a problem. Also, the way her harness would lift up if there were steps? Wonderful. Something so small that Robert hadn’t thought would improve, but it had. Although, knowing if he’d had Gemma, he wouldn’t have met Aaron pushing him out of oncoming traffic, that was a thought.

He knew Gemma was home the morning he rolled over in bed, and instead of getting Aaron in his arms, he got a face full of fur. Aaron didn’t care, but it felt nice. It felt like a family. He stroked Gemma before pushing her out of the way and kissing Aaron to one growl of discontent. “I love you,” he whispered to Aaron. He smiled in response

* * *

Having a drink at the pub was not meant to be so eventful. Gemma wouldn’t budge, so Robert looked at Aaron. “I think they’ve got a leak.” Now he’d said it, Robert could hear the water flowing everywhere, like a river. “I’m going in the back.” They followed Aaron to find Chas, hair wet and screaming down the phone, presumably at a plumber.

“We’ve got a mains leak,” she said to Aaron.

“The lake outside gave it away,” Aaron said. “Aren’t they coming to fix it?”

“Not until tomorrow,” she said. “We’ve got to evacuate tonight.”

“Oh, no, you’re not staying with us,” Robert said, sensing where this was going.

“Oh, please,” Chas said. “You can either put me up, or put up Charity with her kids, the B and B only has one room left.” Aaron glanced at Robert who was looking in her direction and he sighed.

“One night,” Robert said. “None of my things get touched, and I’m going to make this clear, Gemma comes way before you do.”

“You’re putting your dog ahead of your boyfriends mother?” Chas snapped.

“She’s my eyes,” Robert said, patting Gemma. “You’re damn right I am. Take it or leave it.”

“Thank you,” Chas said. "I suppose I have to take it."

“Thanks,” Aaron echoed. “It’s better than Charity.”

“Mm, we’ll see.”

* * *

Chas woke up early, she was very curious to know what went on in Robert’s household. She knew Aaron said he wasn’t a carer, but even so, there had to be some allowances for Robert’s blindness. A pipe had burst at the pub, that was true, but she hadn’t exactly tried to find a room elsewhere either. She was far too nosey.

So, she dressed and went downstairs before anyone else was awake. Or that was the plan. Instead, she heard voices from Robert’s room, so she lingered outside for a bit. If she was here to have a look at Robert’s life, she might as well make a good job of it.

* * *

“Mm…” Aaron moaned, surfacing from a deep sleep reluctantly.

“Okay?” Robert asked.

“Tired,” Aaron said. Robert’s hand skimmed his abdomen, hinting. “My mums in the house.”

“You say that like we’ve not been caught going at it in the bogs at the Woolpack,” Robert teased and Aaron laughed. They had, once. Luckily by Bob who after a moment of shock, laughed at them and told them to carry on, even though the mood was well and truly broken.

“Do you mind her here?”

“No.”

“Robert…”

“I prefer it when it’s just me and you,” Robert said. “And I know she’s watching me. But of course I don’t mind. She’s your mum.” Robert rolled on top of Aaron and kissed him, well, he tried to. He missed and ended up kissing the tip of his nose.

“Close,” Aaron said with a smile before taking the lead and kissing Robert back.

“You doze off,” Robert said. “I’ll feed Gemma and get breakfast on. Bacon sarnie?”

“Sounds great,” Aaron said. “Put some clothes on, though. My mum might not like the view as much as I do.”

“Spoil sport,” Robert teased. He ran his fingers through Aaron’s hair and kissed his cheek before hurrying to get dressed. Aaron’s regular even breathing could be heard before he’d even got his jeans on.

* * *

Robert could hear Chas in the living room as he came downstairs. “Morning,” Robert said.

“Hi,” she replied.

“Gem?” She made a quiet woof and Robert stroked her before putting her food down.

“I’m making breakfast, do you want anything?” Robert asked. He knew Chas didn’t approve of him and his relationship with Aaron, and he wanted to change her mind. While her approval wouldn’t change how he felt about Aaron, having it was easier.

“You don’t have to put on a show,” Chas said sharply.

“I’m not,” Robert said. “I cook Aaron breakfast almost every day. I’m not forcing you, if you don’t want it.” Robert got a large frying pan and put it on the top of the stove to heat up, grabbing bacon and eggs from the fridge, and putting the kettle on.

“Scrambled eggs would be nice,” Chas said, her tone of voice softening a little. Robert took that as a win.

“Great,” he said. “Want a brew?”

“Yeah, tea would be good,” she said. Robert silently started making it, knowing he was being both watched and judged. He wouldn’t put up with it from anyone else, but he desperately wanted Chas on his side.

“Sugar?”

“No thanks,” she said.

“Aaron won’t be up until he smells the bacon,” Robert said, making Chas’s eggs first. “I know you don’t like me.”

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Chas said. “I worry.”

“Because I’m blind?” Robert asked. An awkward pause. “It’s all right. I’m sure I’m not who anyone would pick for their child to end up with.” He didn’t face her, occupying his hands with breakfast. “We’re not stupid, we both know that my eyesight causes some problems. But I’m not incapable, Chas. I swear I’m not, I can do far more than people give me credit for. Please don't judge me based on a disability, because that’s not fair.”

“I know what Aaron went through with Jackson,” Chas said. “His first boyfriend, and how hard that was for him to cope with. He didn’t cope, not really. It wasn’t Jackson’s fault either, just like this isn’t yours. But he’s my boy and I worry about him. He feels things so deeply, more than he’d ever admit to.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I know a bit about Jackson.”

“How?”

“He talks to me,” Robert said. “This isn’t the same situation. I wouldn’t put him through it, I love him too much.”

“Would you let him go?” Chas asked. “If it was the best thing for him, would you?”

“No,” Robert said and Chas huffed like she’d proved her point. “I can’t let him go, because I love him too much. He’d say the same thing.” Chas sighed. “I want your… blessing I guess,” Robert started, the words feeling strange on his tongue. “But even if you don’t agree with me seeing him, we’re not going to stop. I’ll be with him whether you approve or not.” Chas didn’t speak after that, not until Robert handed her her breakfast and her mug of tea.

“I want someone to fight for him,” she said. “I want him to have an easy life.”

“You’ve met Aaron, right?” Robert teased. Because “easy life” and Aaron didn’t feel like they went together at all. Chas did at least laugh at that.

When Aaron came downstairs, he smiled at his mum before sliding a hand across Robert’s back. He would have given a more physical hello, but not with an audience.

“Are we meeting for lunch?” Aaron asked as Robert plated up his breakfast.

“No,” Robert said. “I’ve got a deadline from my editor. Can’t laze around all day, got to get to work. This evening? We could go out for dinner.”

“Sounds good,” Aaron said warmly. “The pipe’ll be fixed by then, right mum?” Aaron said. Fooling nobody that he was trying to get rid of her.

“Yes,” she said. “I can take the point!” Aaron grinned, no shame at all. Robert sat down next to Aaron, and put his hand to Aaron’s face briefly. He wanted to touch him, to “see” him, the fact that they weren’t alone be damned. Aaron’s lips twitching against his hand said he didn’t mind at all.

* * *

On the fifth of November, they’d decided to leave Gemma at home. A fireworks display wasn’t really the best idea for a dog, even if she was a trained one. So for one night Robert went back to his cane, and he wasn’t thrilled at the prospect. He’d been relying on Gemma a lot lately, and he realised how much now that she wasn’t out with him.

It was a village knees up, everyone was there and the alcohol was flowing, the music playing and generally a happy loud atmosphere. With Aaron by his side, he felt very much at home. He could hear Vic every now and then, faffing around with the barbecue, even though Marlon said it was his domain.

“All right?” Aaron asked when Robert kissed the top of his head, sipping carefully at Sam’s home brew.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I feel happy here. I feel at home. Finally.”

“You feel cold,” Aaron said gruffly, though he was pleased. 

“Warm me up, then,” Robert said, sliding his hands inside Aaron’s purple hoodie.

“Can you ever keep your hands to yourself?” Aaron asked easily.

“Do you want me to?” Robert asked.

“No,” Aaron said. “It’s kinda nice. To have an excuse for you to feel me up in public.” 

“So... my blindness is an advantage?” Robert asked. Aaron whipped around to face him, panicking, then saw he was joking. 

“Don’t scare me like that!” Aaron snapped, hitting Robert on the arm playfully. He laughed in Aaron’s ear. “Let’s get some food.”

* * *

Paddy and Chas were keeping an eye on the pair of them. They were far enough away from them that they couldn’t overhear the conversation, but could see how happy they were together. “You nearly blew it,” Chas said to Paddy.

“I just wanted them aware of how difficult this could be,” he said, shaking his head. “I never asked them to split up.”

“You got really close to Aaron never speaking to either of us again,” she said.

“You think it’s that serious?”

“Yeah,” Chas said. “I do. Aaron was heartbroken over him. I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Do you think we’re going to have Robert around for good?” Chas raised her eyebrows in agreement, and Paddy sighed. 

“Got to admit, they’re happy.”

“Yeah, they do seem it,” he agreed.

* * *

“Maybe we should go home,” Robert said. “It’s been ages, and I’m cold.” Aaron hesitated. He wanted to see the fireworks, being honest. “I can go home without you, you can stay.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“No,” Robert said. “Find your mum or all the Dingles. I can’t see the fireworks anyway, I’ll cuddle up with Gemma at home.”

“You’ll make me jealous.” Robert kissed him goodbye, or that was the plan. Before they parted the first rocket went up in the air with a massive bang, making the villagers gasp.

“Might as well stay,” Robert said to him. That’s when it hit him. The bright flashes of light behind Aaron… he could see him. It wasn’t particularly clear, but the red fireworks back lighting him meant that he could follow the outline of Aaron’s head. “Your hair really is curly.”

Aaron’s face went slack with shock. “You can see me?” Robert moved him so Aaron stood with his back to the fireworks.

“A little,” Robert said, eyes rapidly flicking over the perimeter of his face. “Just here.” Robert lightly touched his hair, and down his cheek. “I wish it was clearer, but it’s you. The silhouette of you. Just the edge.” Aaron smiled at him, letting him touch him as he wanted to, his fingertips very gentle. When the last red rocket had faded away, Robert dropped his hands.

“That’s clearer than I’ve ever seen you,” Robert said swallowing against the lump stuck in his throat. He had had a couple of occasions over the summer that he asked Aaron to stand against the window, the bright sunlight streaming in, but not like this. It had only ever been a shadow in the shape of a human, not really enough to see him. Maybe it was the bright fireworks against the blackness of the night, but Aaron had been clear, or clear for him, for just a few seconds.

“It’s all right,” Aaron said, pulling Robert into his arms. He felt like crying, completely irrationally, and he buried his nose in Aaron’s neck. "It's okay, I'm here."   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing I have taken liberties with, guide dogs usually have non human names. This makes them easier to place with blind users. But for some reason, the name Gemma took hold, and as I'm not writing a documentary, I felt it was okay to make this leap. Also, at the end? I wanted Robert to have one moment that he could "see" Aaron better than previously. I hope I've made it clear that he's not seeing Aaron the way a sighted person would. Thanks for reading!


	4. Winter

If you’d told Aaron he’d be in a candle shop, looking for Christmas decorations his blind boyfriend could appreciate a year ago, he’d have told you you were crazy. But here he was, sticking his nose in jars, and trying to work out which scents were best. He liked one called Pine Needles. It smelled remarkably like a real Christmas tree, and given that Robert wouldn’t be able to see any tree they did get, he liked the idea of that. Gingerbread cookies? No. They’d get Vic over if they wanted that scent in the house. He did like one called Christmas Eve, it smelled like spice and warmth. He bought those two in the end, large ones and if Robert didn’t like them, it was thoughtful enough that he’d appreciate it. Even if it was a complete rip off.

* * *

“Have we got a tree?” Robert said when he came home. He bent down and took Gemma out of her harness, letting the dog relax. “It’s only November.”

“No,” Aaron said, pleased. “I bought some Christmas scented candles. Do you want a tree?”

“That smells so real,” Robert said, breathing in deeply. “Not a tree as such. Wouldn’t mind some fairy lights.”

“Yeah?”

“Add some colour,” Robert said. “Might be nice.” He’d probably be able to see a distant glow, but nothing more. But the tiny points of light would be something different.

“I’ll put some up,” Aaron said.

“You don’t have to put yourself out for me,” Robert said, knowing he wouldn’t be able to help.

“It’s not a problem,” Aaron said. He pulled Robert in for a kiss. “I like doing things for you. When you let me help.” Robert glared in his direction and Aaron chuckled. “Do you want to cook Christmas dinner?”

“Why?” Robert asked.

“Mums invited us around to hers,” Aaron said. “I haven’t said yes. She did invite you and Gemma. She must want us there if she’s inviting the dog.” Dog hair and the pubs carpet hadn’t gone over well the first time they’d taken Gemma in. She now had her own blanket, but Chas still disapproved of making her pub messier, even though legally, she had to let the dog in.

“Really?” Robert said.

“If you want Christmas with just us, I completely understand.”

“I want your family to like me,” Robert said. “It’s important because I’m planning on us sticking together for a long time. You want to go," Robert realised.

“I wouldn’t mind being with my lot for a bit on Christmas,” Aaron admitted. “They’ll be too drunk to criticise you.”

“What a selling point,” Robert said under his breath. “Yeah, okay. We’ll go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “Should we make dessert?”

“By “we” I hope you mean you,” Aaron said.

“Fair point.”

“That’d be… nice,” Aaron said. “Thank you.” He kissed Robert slowly, caressing his arms with his hands for a moment. “What do you want for Christmas? I’m struggling.”

“Nothing,” Robert said.

“You’re my boyfriend, I can’t get you nothing,” Aaron said.

“This year, I got you,” Robert said. “I met the love of my life, he moved in with me, and accepted me. I got a guide dog and I’m happy. I do not want anything else.”

“The love of your life?” Aaron asked. “You’ve been married.”

“And I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do about you,” Robert said. “Buy me socks, I don’t care.”

“Socks are boring.”

“Buy me whatever you like,” Robert said. He nodded in the vague direction of the candles. “You’re good at thoughtful gestures.”

“You’re not asking me,” Aaron noticed.

“I’ve got your present all sorted,” Robert said confidently. “Don’t worry about that.”

“I’m not sure if that should make me nervous,” Aaron said.

“No, it shouldn’t.”

* * *

Anxiously, Aaron came home from Gemma’s morning walk. “Were you planning on going out today?” he asked Robert, and there was something about the way he said it. Like there was only one right answer.

“I was,” Robert said. He didn’t like Aaron’s tone. Sounded a little too much like control, not normally something he’d think of about Aaron. “Is that a problem?”

“Gemma’s limping,” Aaron said. “Her front right leg. It doesn’t look bad, but I was going to take her to see Paddy. Just in case. You need her to be all right.”

Robert put his hand down to her level for Gemma to sniff. She did, nosing at his fingers. “Hey, girl,” Robert soothed. “Are you sore? Let me have a look.” He ran his hand down to her right leg, gripping her securely, but not with too much pressure. She yelped at him. “Okay, sorry,” Robert said, going back to patting her head. “I’ll leave your leg alone.” He turned to Aaron. “Have you got time to take her to Paddy?”

“Er… not really,” Aaron said. “I’ll make time, it’s important.”

“I’ll take her,” Robert said.

“O… kay,” Aaron said anxiously. “Rhona’s on holiday, so it’s Paddy you’ll see...?”

“I know,” Robert said. “I’ll manage.” Robert seemed determined, so Aaron didn’t argue, helping himself to breakfast.

* * *

“Robert!” Paddy spluttered when he walked into the surgery. “W… what are you doing here?”

“Gemma’s limping,” Robert said, burying his fingers in her fur. “Can you see us today?”

“Uh… yeah, of course,” Paddy said, clicking around on the computer to try and find a slot. “Ten minutes, I’ve got to see a crazy parrot first.”

“Thank you,” Robert said. He’d noticed her limping even more on the journey to the vets, making the harness completely uneven and he was worried. Even with his animosity to Paddy, this was more important.

* * *

Paddy showed them through to the examination room and Gemma jumped up on the table, if not exactly happily, at least willingly. “Let’s have a look at you, then,” Paddy said. Robert could feel Gemma tensing as Paddy touched her injured leg, and he felt terrible. “It seems as if she’s ripped it open on some barbed wire, or something similar,” Paddy said. “It needs one, maybe two stitches.”

“Okay,” Robert said. “Is that an operation?”

“Not exactly,” Paddy said. “I’m going to give her an injection to make her numb. It’ll make her a bit sleepy as well, then I can do it right here. It’ll take a couple of hours to wear off, and I’ll use dissolvable stitches, so she doesn’t have to come back.”

“Thanks,” Robert said, hiding his anxiousness. He knew she needed this fixed, that didn’t mean he liked the thought of her in pain.

“If you hold her still while I inject her…” Robert did his best, wrapping his arms around the dog, whispering “I’m sorry,” over and over again to her. She didn’t like the needle going in, thrashing away, but Paddy had enough experience to keep her leg still. “If you wait for about ten or fifteen minutes, she’ll go numb, then I’ll fix her up. Don’t bother moving her from the table, it’ll take both of us to lift her back up.”

Paddy started clicking away on his computer, taking notes as Robert soothed Gemma through it. He could feel when she started going numb because she turned into a dead weight. “Is she all right?” Robert asked, very aware he couldn’t see her.

“Yeah, she’s doing well.” Paddy came back over, gathering his supplies. “I’m surprised Aaron didn’t take her to me.”

“He’s working,” Robert said. “I also... I wanted to see you.”

“Why?” Paddy asked.

“I need to talk to you about Aaron,” Robert said.

“Uhuh.”

“I’m in love with him,” Robert said. “I’m not going to stop being in love with him. I take care of him, and he takes care of me. I know you’re wary, I understand that, believe me I do. I’m not easy to live with, and my blindness makes it worse. But Aaron? He makes me forget I can't see. He forgets sometimes, in a really nice “you’re just like everyone else” sort of way. I will never hurt him the way Jackson did, you have my word. I’d never put him through it.”

“It’s not only that,” Paddy said. “How can you support him? I’m being realistic,” he added.

“I’ve got a job,” Robert said. “I’ve got a healthy bank balance, and the compensation I got from losing my eyesight means I’d never have to work if I didn’t want to. I’m well off. Aaron won’t struggle. I adore him, Paddy. He loves me, and he loves Gemma, and I almost… I want your approval.”

“Why?” Paddy asked, starting to put Gemma’s stitches in. “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“It matters a lot, to Aaron,” Robert said.

“Are you… you’re not asking my permission to marry him are you?” Paddy said, almost laughing.

“Right now? No, I’m not,” Robert said. “But one day? I can see myself marrying him. Whether you like me or not, it won’t stop me. Your approval makes things easier. I'm serious about him, Paddy.”

“I can see he loves you,” Paddy said. “Give me time."

"The only thing we’ve had to adjust to in a big way is Gemma. Do you think me having a guide dog around is a hardship for Aaron?”

Paddy laughed. “No, I don’t.” For now, that common ground, that they both loved Aaron and wanted the best for him, that was enough.

* * *

Having a drink at the pub, Aaron felt afraid as he saw Robert back with his white cane, walking through the pub. “Gemma?” he asked, fearing the worst.

“Oh, she’s fine,” Robert said. “Paddy wants me to keep her out of the guiding harness for two or three days. He put some stitches in her leg and she’ll be all right.” Robert sat down next to him, kissing his cheek. “She’s sleeping it off at home.”

“Good,” Aaron said. “And… Paddy.”

“We came to an agreement,” Robert said.

“That fills me with horror.”

“That we both love you, and we want you to be happy,” Robert said. “That’s all. It was good to talk to him. It was… overdue.”

“No bloodshed?”

“No,” Robert said. “Don’t think so little of me.” Aaron grinned, touching Robert's thigh under the table.

* * *

Aaron got up to answer the knock on the door. Robert had his headphones on playing an audiobook upstairs and he didn’t like to disturb him if he could help it. Aaron opened the door to find a brunette woman standing there, she looking just as surprised to see him as he felt. “Can I help you?”

“Oh. Maybe I’ve got the wrong house. I thought he lived here.”

“Who are you?” Aaron asked.

“I’m Chrissie.”

“Oh,” Aaron said, face falling. This was Robert’s ex wife. He had no idea who he’d been picturing, maybe someone completely evil, but she looked normal. Attractive, a little older than Robert, but… just normal.

“Okay, you know what I’ve done,” Chrissie said, looking down at the ground, almost ashamed. “That look on your face tells me. Are you the new flavour of the month?”

Aaron smiled without humour, moving to close the door, but she stuck her foot in it. “Is Robert here?”

“He won’t want to see you,” Aaron said.

“It’s important,” she said. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

“I don’t like disturbing him when he’s busy,” Aaron said, though he’d realised by this point he probably wasn’t going to be shutting the door on her.

“I’ll wait.” Aaron let her in, and went upstairs to get Robert, with reluctance. He tapped Robert’s shoulder who paused his audiobook and took his headphones off.

“Yeah?”

“Someone’s here to see you,” Aaron said, biting his bottom lip. “It’s… Chrissie.”

“Oh, God, what does she want?” Robert said under his breath. He got up and started fussing with his clothes.

“You look great,” Aaron said, heart dropping. Surely there wasn’t something between them? No, there couldn’t be. The woman had blinded him for Gods sake!

“I don’t want her thinking I’m incapable,” Robert said. “I need to look good.”

“The blue shirt,” Aaron said, passing it to him. “It fits you the best and it matches your eyes. You look better in it too.”

“Thanks,” Robert said, throwing it on. They both went downstairs, and Aaron could feel the tension coming off Robert. He didn’t want to see her, Aaron knew that much.

“Chrissie,” Robert said tersely in greeting.

“Hi,” she said, seeming nervous. “I know you don’t want me here, but I needed to talk to you about a client.” She looked at Aaron like he was going to vanish. Aaron smiled and sat on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table, making it clear he was going nowhere. This was his house now as well as Robert’s.

“Which client?”

“Marcus Matthews,” Chrissie said. “He won’t talk to me or my dad. Says he’ll only deal with you. When I said that you’d left the firm, he threatened to take his business elsewhere. He wants you to charm him, win him over.”

“Let him walk away,” Robert said. Chrissie hesitated. “Oh. But that’s a few hundred grand you don’t want walking out the door.”

“No, I don’t,” she said. “You used to understand.”

“Mm,” Robert said. “Throwing acid against my optic nerve rearranges priorities.”

Chrissie flushed and looked at the floor. “You know I’d never have done it, if I’d realised what the chemical could do.”

“Why do you think I didn’t press criminal charges?” Robert sighed. “I can’t help you.”

“You can, you’re choosing not to,” she snapped.

“I don’t work for you any more,” Robert said. “I’m done with that, I’ve moved on.”

“I see that,” Chrissie said, nodding at Aaron. “Nice new younger model. Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?”

“I am _**not**_ gay,” Robert snapped. “Would have been any better if you’d walked in on me with a random woman rather than a man in our bed?”

“No,” she said after a moment thinking about it.

“I still like women,” Robert said. “I just didn’t want you, and that’s what hurt you the most, isn’t it?”

“Did you ever want me? Or just the paycheck?”

“You’re in my house, you can get out now,” Robert said. “You’ve asked a favour, and I’ve said no.”

“Twenty percent,” Chrissie said. “I’ll hand over twenty percent of his contract.” That made Robert pause.

“Fifty.”

“What?!” she shrieked. “No!”

“Fifty percent of his contract is better than 100% of nothing,” Robert said. “Which is what you'll get without me. Take it or leave it.”

“Fine,” she said after a moment. “Here’s the number.” She held out her phone, the digits on the screen and Aaron rolled his eyes at her. Could she honestly be so thick as to think Robert could see that?

“Move,” Aaron grunted. He read out the number and Robert typed it in, squeezing his hand in thanks.

“Hi, Marcus? It’s Robert Sugden here. Yes, that’s right,” Robert said, slipping into his charming persona. “Oh, not too bad. Yes, I am calling about the White’s as it happens. No. I er… suffered an accident which meant I had to leave. It’s all right, don’t worry about it. Now, you know Chrissie is offering you better rates than any other company would. So why are you turning her down?”

Aaron and Chrissie were glaring at each other from across the room as Robert continued his charm offensive. “That’s great news. Can I pass your details over to Chrissie? I swear she’s the most reliable person to handle your account. Fantastic. Thank you.” Robert hung up his phone and glared in Chrissie’s direction.

“I’ve done your dirty work, you can leave now,” Robert said.

“I’ll write you a check for your share,” she said. “Did you ever love me? I thought you did, but then I wondered if I was just the safe option. The money, the fact I didn’t want any more kids. You liked that. So... did you? Love me?”

“Yeah, once,” Robert said. “Not now. I’ve moved on, and I’m happy, and everything about that, everything I’ve got for myself is in spite of you. Go.” She nodded and left. Robert groaned when she’d gone.

“Why did you agree?”

“A quick fifty grands work,” Robert said. Aaron suddenly saw Chrissie’s jacket over the back of a chair, and explained to Robert, before hurrying after her. He found Chrissie sat in her car, smiling as she noticed her jacket.

“Thanks,” she said, rolling the window down to take it.

“You’re a piece of work,” Aaron said.

“Excuse me?”

“You blinded him,” Aaron said. “You took away his eyesight and you come over here to beg him a favour to make money? Money won’t buy his sight back! Nothing ever will, and you dared show your face here?!”

“I feel terrible,” she said. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Aaron said. “He’ll never see me, do you get that? He’ll never see the house he lives in, and you get to come in for five minutes? You haven’t got a clue how he has to live! It’s all your fault!!”

“He cheated on me,” Chrissie said.

“So chuck him out,” Aaron snapped. “Divorce him. Don’t disable him for life!”

Aaron wanted to carry on, but there would be no point. She wouldn’t listen, even if it would feel good to rant to her for five minutes. Cursing under his breath, he went back in the house, praying he'd never see her again.

* * *

“You don’t want kids,” Aaron said.

“Hey?” Robert asked, rolling over in bed to face him. The rest of the day had been tense since Chrissie had left, and that sentence had been rolling around in Aaron’s head for most of it.

“Something Chrissie said,” Aaron said. “She said you don’t want kids.”

“Didn’t,” Robert said. “Not with her, not when I was too young.”

“So... you do now?” Aaron pushed. Robert put a hand on Aaron’s hip, drawing him close and smiled.

“You’re thinking of kids?”

“In the future,” Aaron said. “Yeah. Want to know what you want. We’ve never talked about it.”

“I wouldn’t mind one,” Robert said. “One seems good. What do you want?”

“Eight?”

“Eight!!”

“I’m from a big family,” Aaron said. “A big extended family anyway. Growing up…” he hesitated. “I’d have liked more brothers and sisters. Would have been nice. I want a big family.”

“I can’t do eight,” Robert said. “How about two? One of each.”

“We don’t get to pick the gender,” Aaron said.

“We would if we adopted,” Robert said. “It makes me nervous, because having a kid would be… someone brand new, who wouldn’t understand that I can’t see what they’re showing me. What they look like.”

“Two sounds good,” Aaron said. “Our kids… they wouldn’t know any different.”

“What do you mean?” Robert asked.

“Their daddy not being able to see? It would be normal to them,” Aaron said gently.

“I know,” Robert said. “It still hurts. I’ll never see my child. Not ever, no matter how long we’re together. I can’t. Sometimes I think I’m used to it, then it hits me all over again.”

“Nothing I say makes it any better,” Aaron said sadly. “I can’t fix it.”

“You make it better,” Robert said, pulling him close. “Always.”

* * *

The laughter could be heard from outside the pub, and it surprised Aaron when he walked inside and saw which table it was coming from. He saw Robert, Ellis, Vic and a woman he didn’t know who seemed to be the centre of attention. What got Aaron’s back up immediately was seeing Robert touch the womans arm very familiarly. It looked like a party was kicking off.

“Hi,” Aaron said blankly, walking over to the table.

“Aaron,” Robert said, smiling at him.

“What’s…”

“I left you a message,” Robert said. Aaron got his phone out and saw the flashing voicemail symbol. 

“Oh,” Aaron said. “Missed it.”

“Are you alright?” Robert asked, sensing something.

“Fine.”

“Aaron, this is Melissa, my editor,” Robert said introducing them. She flashed Aaron a dazzling smile that left Aaron cold. She was very attractive.

“Don’t call me your editor,” she said, giving Robert a nudge with her elbow. “We’re friends, we’ve been friends for years!”

“I’m just going to talk to my mum about something,” Aaron murmured, heading to the bar.

“Pint?” she asked.

“No,” Aaron said. “How long’ve they been there.”

“About two hours,” Chas said. “Why?”

“Curious,” Aaron said.

“No, you’re jealous.”

“I don’t like the way he’s touching her,” Aaron muttered, low enough that Chas couldn’t hear him as Robert did it again. “I’m going home, not in the mood for this.”

* * *

Aaron had barely got in and had the time to feed Gemma dinner (her leg was fine and had healed perfectly, but Robert was only using her when strictly necessary to be on the safe side) before Robert burst in.

“That was rude,” Robert said. “I wanted to introduce my boyfriend to my boss, and you can’t make nice for ten minutes?”

“You were getting on fine without me,” Aaron said dully. “I thought I’d be in the way.”

“What?! Robert snapped. “Aaron, this isn’t like you,” Robert said, trying to stay calm. “What’s going on.”

“You were touching her,” Aaron said, he couldn’t be bothered to hide it.

“I was looking at her,” Robert said coldly. 

“No, you…”

“Yes, I WAS,” Robert shouted before controlling his temper. “I can’t see, Aaron. All I was doing was making sure she was there.”

“She’s pretty,” Aaron said. “Very pretty.”

“I know,” Robert said and Aaron swore under his breath. He knew that did he? How did he know that? “No, I meant… I knew her before I lost my sight. That’s all.”

“Knew her how?” Aaron asked.

“No, I’ve not slept with her,” Robert said, answering the real question. “And I’m not going to.”

Aaron hesitated, thinking how to word it. “What if you want to?”

“You wouldn’t be asking me that if I wasn’t bisexual,” Robert said, hurt.

“You wouldn’t want to sleep with a woman if you weren’t bisexual,” Aaron said.

“I don’t want to sleep with a woman! I don’t want to sleep with anyone but you, apart from right now when I want to bang your head against the wall.” It surprised Aaron enough that he let out a short laugh.

“We’ve never talked about it,” Aaron said quietly, the anger fading now. The fear that Robert would cheat receding a little bit. “What you being bisexual means.”

“We’ve not talked about you cheating because you’re gay either,” Robert said heavily. He sat on the sofa and Gemma came up to cuddle next to Robert, and he let her, Aaron sitting on the other side of the sofa.

“Being bisexual…” Robert said, shaking his head. He had one hand in Gemma’s fur, the other holding Aaron’s hand, needing to touch him. “It doesn’t equal cheating. It never has, it’s a bad stereotype. People hear it and they think I’ll go to someone else. I didn’t think you thought that.”

“But we.. We haven't talked about it,” Aaron said. “I trust you, I do, I swear. Seeing you with her reminded me that… you like women.”

“Yes, I do like women,” Robert said. “That is such a struggle when you’re trying to come to terms with your sexuality, Aaron. Because… it’s never seen as a real option. If you’re bisexual and you like a woman, you’re straight. If you like a man, you’re gay and you’re hiding it, and neither’s true. I’m attracted to men and women,” Robert said.

“How can you be?” Aaron asked. There was just enough emphasis that Robert knew he meant without vision, not questioning his sexuality which is why he stayed calm.

“You’re a visual person,” Robert stated. “You couldn’t imagine being attracted to someone without sight.”

“No,” Aaron said after a moment. He tried to picture how he’d have felt about Robert on first meeting if he hadn’t seen him, and he didn’t know. “I can’t.”

“Can I try something?”

“Yeah.”

“Stand up and close your eyes.” Aaron did, hearing Robert rummage around. Aaron jumped a little as he felt Robert wrapping a tea towel around his head, blindfolding him. “It’s clean, don’t worry.”

“Are you making a point?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “But I don’t know how to tell you, so I’m going to show you.” Robert squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. “Can you see?”

“No.” He heard Robert moving and then felt him take his hand.

“Touch me.” Aaron reached for him and realised he’d taken his shirt off. He slid his hand up Robert’s arm to his bicep slowly, feeling the warm skin against his palm. He moved his hand across Robert’s collarbone and down his chest, pressing against the muscles under the surface. He was intimately familiar with Robert’s body, but this felt different somehow.

“Are you attracted to me?” Robert asked. “Right now.”

“Yes,” Aaron said honestly..

“That’s how I feel for you,” Robert said.

“But you can’t go up to everyone and ask to feel them up,” Aaron said.

“No, I can’t,” Robert said. “It’s not that hard. Someone takes an interest in you, good conversation, paying attention to you. I don’t have that snap “you’re fit” moment anymore. I can’t, it’s impossible. That doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to people.” 

“How does that work with the bisexual thing?” Aaron took the tea towel off and looked at Robert. “I’ve not really asked. I don’t mean to be insensitive, I just…”

“Aaron, me being bisexual doesn’t make it any more likely that I’ll cheat on you. Where’s all this coming from?”

“I’ve never been with someone who’s bi,” Aaron said. “I’ve never really thought… You matter to me, and I suddenly realised today, when I saw you with Melissa that you might not be getting what you need from me.”

“Oh, Aaron…” Robert said. He pulled Aaron towards the sofa, wanting to be close to him. “It’s not about gender, it really isn’t. What if you met a bloke you thought was really fit. Would you do anything with him?”

“Of course not,” Aaron said dismissively.

“Why’s it any different?” Robert said. “I’m not waiting for a woman to get my fix. I get more than what I need from you. Being bi? It doesn’t change any of it.”

“Hearing you laughing with that woman today,” Aaron said. “I suddenly started worrying that you wanted someone else.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Robert said. “Only you. Even if I had a temptation, it would still be only you.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Aaron said. “It scares me. I need you in my life.”

“Aaron, I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone.” Robert swallowed uncomfortably. “When I went blind, the toughest thing to accept was that… I probably wasn’t going to find anyone who’d put up with both me and my condition. It hurt, it really did, but it was just my assumption. I’d be single. Then you came crashing into my life and proved me wrong. I’d never risk losing you.”

“I feel a bit… insecure sometimes,” Aaron admitted. “Sorry.”

“Talk to me when you feel like that,” Robert said. “I can tell when something’s wrong in the way you hold yourself, but talking is easier. Don’t run away, it makes it so much harder.”

“I’ll try,” Aaron said. Robert kissed the top of his head and held him close. “I find it easy to talk to you most of the time. I’m insecure, because… I’ve never been enough. Not really. Not for anyone.”

“You’re more than enough,” Robert said. “I don’t want a woman, I don’t want another man. Just you.”

* * *

A lazy weekend in front of the TV turned into anything but. They’d both been curled up on the sofa, patting Gemma on the carpet every now and then when the knock on the door came. Aaron sighed, getting up to answer it.

“Hi love,” Chas said with false sweetness that Robert picked up on and turned the TV off, sitting up and trying to wake himself up. He’d been enjoying quietly feeling up his boyfriend on a Saturday spent on the sofa.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked as Chas came into the house.

“Have you got a minute?” she asked. Aaron sighed.

“What is it?”

“Something turned up at the pub,” Chas said. “For you, and I’m not… I’ve been debating whether to give it to you for a few days.”

“What is it?” Aaron asked. Chas reached into her coat pocket and took out an envelope, handing it over.

“I think it’s a Christmas card,” she said. Aaron recognised the handwriting as he took it, and even if he hadn’t, the HMP stamp on the envelope gave it away. Aaron stood completely frozen, staring at the envelope.

“Am I missing something?” Robert asked, swinging his head between Chas and Aaron.

“I er…” Chas swallowed, unaware of how much Robert knew about Aaron’s past. 

“It’s from my father,” Aaron said coldly. 

“Should I not have told you?” Chas said. “After everything, I know you don’t like me lying to you, but I didn’t know what to do.”

“I don’t want it,” Aaron said, pushing it back towards her. “Burn it. Just get it out of here.”

“Aaron…” Chas said, not taking it. “Maybe he’s got something to say.”

“He can’t,” Aaron said. “There’s nothing to say to make up for what he did.” Gemma heard the agitation in Aaron’s voice and padded over to him, nudging her head against Aaron’s thigh. He scratched her absently, appreciating the warmth of the animal next to him.

“Aaron,” Robert said, treading carefully. “God knows I didn’t get on with my father, but if I had a letter…”

“You’ve got no idea,” Aaron said with more hatred in his voice than Robert had ever heard. This wasn’t just upset. Robert didn’t know what had happened with Aaron’s father, all he knew was that the relationship was a terrible one, and Aaron turned cold whenever it came up.

“Okay,” Robert said, dropping it. 

“I think you should read it,” Chas said.

“I don’t care what you think.”

“You might regret it,” Chas pushed.

“Why don’t I take it, while you decide what to do,” Robert said, to complete silence. “It’s not like I can open it and read it, even if I wanted to. While you think about what to do.” Aaron shoved the letter at Robert, rather harder than he intended and Robert tucked it in his pocket.

“Mum, get out,” Aaron said. She didn’t argue, she could see Aaron was gearing himself up to talk to Robert.

“I’m a the end of the phone if you need me,” Chas said. “Bye Rob.”

“What’s going on?” Robert asked. “I know you don’t like to talk about him.”

“No, I don’t,” Aaron said. “But I need to, I need to tell you the truth, but I… It’s not.. I don’t like talking about it.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Robert said, reaching out for him and feeling the tension in his arm. “Whatever it is, if it’s too much. If it’s private.”

“You want to know.”

“You’re my boyfriend and I love you,” Robert said. “If something’s hurting you, I do want to know. But I won't insist on it.”

“Right, I’m going to take Gemma for a walk,” Aaron said. “Clear my head.”

“Are you coming back?” Robert asked with fear.

“Yes.” Aaron kissed Robert softly, Robert holding him for a long moment.

* * *

Aaron had only been gone for about twenty minutes but it felt like an eternity to Robert. He had no idea what was going on, just that the mention of Aaron’s father had driven him crazy. The door opened and Gemma came running up to him, Aaron closing the door.

“Sorry,” Aaron said. “I didn’t mean to leave like that, I’m stressed.”

“Can you talk to me?” Robert asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. He sat down on one side of the kitchen table, Robert on the other and he held Robert’s hand, to give him that connection. “My fathers in prison. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that.”

“I assumed he was either dead or in prison,” Robert said. “From the way you rarely talk about him.”

“Yeah, prison,” Aaron said. “I was the one who brought criminal proceedings against him. Only me and my former step mum, Sandra, we were the only ones giving evidence and it was mostly on me.”

“Okay,” Robert said. “What’s he in prison for.”

“Child abuse,” Aaron said. It took a couple of seconds for Robert to follow that.

“Right,” Robert said slowly. “Okay. Did he hurt you? It must have been bad to bring a criminal trial.”

“He raped me.” The silence felt deafening and Aaron’s voice wobbled when he spoke. Robert looked shocked, but he wasn’t giving anything else away.

“Can I touch you?”

“Yeah.” Robert very gently pulled him into a hug.

“Properly,” Aaron said, and Robert tightened his arms. “That was harder to say than I thought it’d be,” Aaron said into his shirt.

“Was it... more than once?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Three times.” He felt Robert tense his jaw.

“He’s lucky he’s in prison,” Robert said. “I’d kill him.”

“You believe me?”

“Of course,” Robert said. “Why wouldn’t I?” He stroked Aaron’s hair. “Have you told someone who called you a liar?”

“No,” Aaron said. “I didn’t tell anyone for the longest time. He tried to get back with my mum and I snapped. I fell apart, and I told her. Telling her was so so hard.”

“She believed you?”

“Immediately,” Aaron said. “No question. She always blamed herself for leaving me with him when I was a kid, but… it’s not her fault.”

“No,” Robert said. He held Aaron very tightly. “Shall we burn the card?”

Aaron let out a tiny laugh. “Yeah. Might be for the best.”

“Do you need to talk about what happened?” Robert asked. “Talk it through. I’ll listen, to whatever you need to say.”

“No,” Aaron said quickly, finally pulling back from Robert’s arms. Robert gently touched his face, to feel him. “I don’t need to talk through the details, _especially_ not with you.”

“That hurts,” Robert said.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” Aaron said. “I’m so happy with you, and I love you. So much. To talk about those disgusting details with you? I don’t want to, I don’t need to. I don’t need to relive it all while you pity me.”

“I don’t pity you,” Robert said sincerely. “I need you to know I’ll listen if you need to talk about it.”

“I know,” Aaron said. “I believe you, and I trust you. But after going over it all in a courtroom, in front of strangers? If I never talk about it again, that’ll suit me fine.”

“You got him convicted,” Robert said, like it was just occurring to him. “You’re so brave.”

“I didn’t feel like it at the time,” Aaron said. “He got eighteen years.”

“Not long enough,” Robert said darkly. “Thank you for telling me.” Aaron nudged closer and kissed Robert’s cheek. He wanted to be touched, to have some comfort from his boyfriend.

“It’s hard. To remember. To think about it.”

“Then we won’t,” Robert said.

“I want to go to bed,” Aaron said, tugging Robert in the direction of the stairs. “Can you… hold me for a bit?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Though if we’re lying down in bed, Gemma might join us.”

“Mm, I like the sound of that,” Aaron said with a smile.

* * *

Robert didn’t know what to do. Not for some time had he hated his lack of vision quite as much as he did right now, at this moment. Because he can’t see Aaron, and with the devastating news Aaron told him, he’s scared to touch him. He felt fairly confident that he’d never touched Aaron when he hadn’t wanted it, their physical relationship was very good. But still, there was the niggling voice in the back of his head telling him “what if…?” What if he had, or he’d pushed it too far? But then… Aaron was physically stronger than him, surely if he’d done something wrong, or too far, Aaron would have pushed him away? The circular thoughts went round and round in his mind with no answers he could reach at all. He didn’t know enough. His senses didn’t give him enough information and he hated it.

* * *

Aaron had to say something. Robert hadn’t touched him since he found out the truth of his history. With Robert’s lack of eyesight, they relied on the language of touch more than they otherwise would have, and Aaron felt completely cut off, for no good reason.

“Are you disgusted by me?” Aaron asked. Robert whirled around quickly, jaw dropping for a split second.

“No!” he shouted. “Wh… Why would you think that? Ever!”

“You don’t touch me anymore,” Aaron said. “You used to… touch me all the time. When I got home from work, your hands brushed across my shoulders, you kissed my cheek or my hair. When we went to bed, you’d hold me. I can’t remember the last time you really touched me, let alone having sex.”

“Where are you?” Aaron held out his hand and Robert grasped him like a life raft. “No, I’m not disgusted by you. I’m hurt you could ever think that.”

“Then why?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Robert said desperately. “I don’t know how to act, I can’t read your face to know which touches are welcome and which aren’t, so it feels safer to just… not risk it.”

“That’s not why I told you,” Aaron said. He sat down on the sofa, pulling Robert with him as he refused to let go of his hand. “It’s part of my past that I’m deeply ashamed of.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Robert interrupted forcefully. “It’s not _your_ shame to carry.”

“But still, I am,” Aaron said. “Whether it makes sense or not. I wanted you to know the truth. I didn’t want you to hold yourself back from me. I’ve felt like I’ve lost you these past few weeks.”

“I wish I could see you,” Robert said, both hands moving lightly to Aaron’s face. “It’s hard when I don’t know what you want.”

“You’ve never touched me when I didn’t want it,” Aaron said. “I swear.”

“I need you to tell me if I do,” Robert said. “I need to know that you’re not going to hold back, you’re not going to be afraid to tell me to stop.”

“Robert, I’ve never been afraid of you. Not ever.”

“Please.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. An easy promise to give.

“I keep thinking about that time, back when we first met,” Robert said. “When I pushed you up against the wall of that bar and basically groped you. I keep replaying it. My hands pawing at you. Then worse when we got back here.”

“Yeah, it felt good,” Aaron said. Robert didn’t look convinced. “Do you think I ask every stranger I throw coffee on out for a drink? I liked the look of you. I was… I loved how we met, and fell in love. I wouldn’t change it.”

“But…”

“No,” Aaron said firmly. “You’re not allowed to make something so good and so right between us dirty and sordid. I’d do it all again, in a heartbeat with you.”

“Yeah?” Robert asked nervously.

“Yes. I really enjoyed the way your hands surrounded me,” Aaron said. “I still do, your hands are strong, and they feel… amazing.” He normally wouldn’t have been so forthright, but he knew he needed to be right now. “I need you to touch me, Robert. I can’t have this distance, this…”

“Okay,” Robert said. He fumbled for Aaron’s arm, then followed the lines of his body until his hands were on Aaron’s waist, and he tugged Aaron until they were flush against each other. Aaron let out a soft sigh, like he was finally relaxing and Robert felt so guilty for withholding the affection between them for so long. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“I know it’s a hard thing to hear,” Aaron said. “If anyone had hurt you that way, I’d rip them apart.”

“Yeah,” Robert said quietly, still holding him. “Have you been thinking about that?”

“I’ve been trying to work out why you’re not... almost not with me any more,” Aaron said. “So I tried to think how I’d feel if you’d told me that.”

“It must have been so hard to go through on your own,” Robert said into his neck.

“I wasn’t on my own, I had my family,” Aaron said. “I’d have fallen apart without them.” Aaron nuzzled his head into Robert's neck. And after that, things got better. Sex though? Sex didn't happen for a while.

* * *

Aaron collapsed on the bed, completely exhausted. He’d been at the garage early and had had a late finish for double overtime. The money was worth it, but he couldn’t remember which way was up right now. It had been a long hard slog of a day. “Are you hungry?” Robert asked, having followed Aaron as he sloped upstairs.

“No,” Aaron said. “Too tired to eat.”

“Must be bad,” Robert said. “Can I touch you?” Aaron nodded. Robert’s hands on him would be nice. “Aaron?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Aaron said. “I nodded. Sorry.” Robert took his jacket off and laid on the bed, his hand pressing over Aaron’s hip, before he followed the lines of his body to his stomach, palm resting there. Robert kissed into his neck, the fingertips on his other hand smoothing out the harsh lines on his forehead.

“I don’t have the energy for anything much,” Aaron said, closing his eyes as Robert spooned against him.

“How about you lie there while I make you feel good?” Robert suggested. “You don’t have to do anything.”

“Mm, sounds good,” Aaron said. He leaned back into Robert’s broad chest, relaxing as he started pushing his hand under Aaron’s jeans, Aaron spreading his thighs just a little bit.

“How was work?”

“Boring,” Aaron said. “I’m exhausted.”

“Mmhmm,” Robert said, starting to stroke him to hardness. It didn’t take long.

“I’ve missed you.”

“Is this good?” Robert asked and Aaron knew he needed the reassurance.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. He shifted to get his jeans and underwear down, sighing with relief as Robert suddenly had the space to work with. It hadn’t taken much attention for Aaron to get hard, the last couple of weeks of celibacy getting to him. Robert pressed his thumb against his slit and Aaron moaned. “Fuck, I’ve missed this. Missed you.” Robert kept one hand against Aaron’s face feeling his expressions as he stroked him off. It felt good, felt alive to have Aaron intimately again.

“I’m gonna come,” Aaron groaned way too quickly.

“Go on,” Robert urged, holding him close. Aaron writhed in his arms as the heat rushed through him, coming all over Robert’s fist, hips jerking. His head lolled slightly as Robert moved away. Aaron heard him go into the bathroom, then whimpered as he felt Robert clean him up.

“What about you?” Aaron asked, slurring a little. He was so tired, but then not giving Robert anything felt so selfish.

“I’m all right,” Robert said. “All for you.” Robert slipped in behind him again, pulling his jeans and underwear completely off from where they’d been gathered around his thighs, Robert covering them both with a duvet. It was at this point that Aaron realised that he hadn’t opened his eyes since Robert started feeling him up.

“Mm, I want you to fuck me.”

Robert stopped for a second. “Yeah?”

Aaron arched backwards into Robert’s body. “You’re hard. It’s been too long and I want to feel you inside me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Stop asking,” Aaron said. “As long as you don’t mind if you do all the work.” Robert kissed behind his ear, smiling as he rocked into Aaron’s body. Aaron felt relaxed and at ease with him, and Robert smiled, knowing they both wanted this. It felt so right, to finally be together again.

* * *

Robert went to get the drinks in. He wanted a word with Chas in private, and the bar was quiet. The factory workers had a couple of tables on the opposite side of the pub, but otherwise it was empty.

“Three pints please,” Robert said. Ellis was with them, chatting with Aaron happily.

“Did Aaron talk to you?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “He’s talked about it a couple of times since. He’s okay.”

“Is he?”

“Yeah,” Robert said quietly. “He’s um… he’s sleeping through the night, he’s not hurting himself, in case you’re worried, he’s okay.”

“Oh,” Chas said and he could hear the relief. “I’m glad.”

“I’ve been meaning to catch you,” Robert said. “I wanted to thank you.”

Chas spluttered. “Thank me? For what?”

“For taking care of him when he finally told you,” Robert said. “For helping him through the trial, holding him together. I hate to think of him in that much pain, but I know he wouldn’t have made it through if it wasn’t for you.”

Chas shook her head. “No. I blame myself because I left him in that house.”

“You didn’t know,” Robert said. “He doesn’t blame you.”

“No?”

“No.

“I’ll never stop blaming myself,” Chas said. Robert held out a tenner, and Chas shook her head. “No, on the house.”

“Thanks,” Robert said. Even though they’d had their differences over the last few months, Robert knew they’d reached an understanding, and that they both respected each others place in Aaron’s life, and they both loved him.

What neither of them knew was that Aaron had heard everything.

* * *

Cain was covering for him, Aaron had made sure of it. He needed some time on his own, because he wanted to make sure everything was right. Over the past few weeks, he knew what he wanted to do. He’d never felt more sure than he had lately, and he knew Robert was the one for him. Hearing him and Chas talk quietly? He had never felt more sure. He parked outside the jewellers in Leeds as he wanted more options than the small local one in Hotten. He went in, seeing a far too smiley shop assistant.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Er, yeah, I guess,” Aaron said. “I’m looking for an engagement ring.” Her face lit up, obviously anticipating a big sale, and she indicated diamond rings and Aaron shook his head. “No, for my boyfriend.”

“Oh,” she said, clearly halving the commission in her head if he wasn’t buying a diamond.

“Don’t panic,” Aaron said dully. “I’m after two.” She smiled very genuinely, and directed Aaron to where some plainer more simple bands were and Aaron felt more comfortable. He knew what size Robert would wear having come across his wedding ring to Chrissie a few weeks ago, tucked in with some papers for the business and his divorce certificate when Chrissie had asked for help with that client. Hadn’t taken much to steal it, and he had it in his pocket to make sure the new one fit.

“I like this one,” Aaron said eventually. It was a simple band, but it had two lines engraved on it. That felt important to him, because he wanted something Robert would be able to see, and surely he’d be able to feel that. Aaron closed his eyes, running his thumb across it, and yes, you could feel it. Good. “I definitely want two of these, one to fit me, one to fit this size,” Aaron decided handing the old wedding ring over.

“We can get that arranged for you,” the saleswoman said.

“Thanks.”

* * *

“Hold on,” the woman on the phone said, in indignant shock. “You want to book a room at the childrens sensory disability centre… for you and your boyfriend.”

“Yes,” Aaron said. “It’s his Christmas present.”

“It’s for disabled children,” she said.

“It’s available for rent,” Aaron said defensively. “My boyfriend is registered blind, and I want to take him there.”

“Fine,” she said, like it was a major effort. “Lets take a look at some dates.”

* * *

Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, with a hard frost but no snow. Robert woke first, Aaron’s soft snoring filling the bedroom. He moved to the window and could feel the bitter cold seeping through the glass. Pressing his watch to check the time (8:41am) he opened the window. He wanted to feel the crisp air, the bite of winter, and it was late enough that Aaron wouldn’t complain too much if it woke him up. They wanted to spend the day together before going to the Dingles for dinner. He’d made a Christmas pudding by hand, and he hoped it would impress Chas.

Gemma nosed at Robert’s thigh, not used to waiting for her breakfast, whining at him. Robert gave her a stroke. “Come on, girl.” He left the backdoor open for her to run around the garden, put her breakfast down for her and made him and Aaron a cup of tea before going up to bed again.

“Rob?” Aaron murmured, rolling over in the empty bed.

“I’m here,” Robert said, carefully putting his tea down on the bedside table before getting back under the covers. “Morning,” he murmured, kissing him messily.

“Happy Christmas,” Aaron said, sinking into another kiss. “Where’s Gem?”

“I’ve let her out,” Robert said. “I want to give you your present.” He sounded so excited that Aaron grinned. 

“Go on, then,” Aaron said. Robert leaned over and grabbed a card from the draw and handed it over. It had a scribbled Aaron on the front, the bottom weirdly straight, and Aaron could tell he’d used a ruler to guide him writing it. He opened it and found a simple Christmas card. He opened it and found a check for… “Ten grand?”

“Hear me out,” Robert said, hearing his hesitation. “It’s a business loan. You could do so much more than being Cain’s skivvy, and I believe in you, and I have faith in you.”

“A business loan? For what?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said. “Think of something crazy. I’d give it to you as a gift, but I know you’d never take it.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Aaron said. “Not that much money, it’s insane.” Aaron quietly thought about it. “What if I mess up and you lose the money?”

“ _We_ lose the money,” Robert corrected, making Aaron grin. “Oh well, doesn’t matter.”

“Do you mean that?” Aaron asked.

“Take a risk. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“No one’s ever believed in me,” Aaron said quietly.

“I do,” Robert said. “There’s no rush on paying the money back. We can make it all legal, IF you want to.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I think I’d want it officially done. If you’re sure?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “I wouldn’t give it to you if I wasn’t.” Aaron fell quiet and Robert smiled. “You’re thinking of what you could do with it.”

“Mm,” Aaron said. “This is really generous of you.  If I can’t make a success of it…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Robert said. “I’ve given you what I can afford to chuck away.”

“I love you,” Aaron said, kissing him softly. “I have nothing to give you.” Robert’s face fell for just a moment. “I mean, nothing today. I’m going to take you somewhere as a surprise but they don’t open until the second of January.”

“That’s okay,” Robert said.

“I’ve got some scented candles and other stuff, but it’s nothing like what you’ve given me.”

“Hey, don’t,” Robert said, opening his legs and wrapping himself around Aaron. “Don’t put yourself down. Your gifts to me are always thoughtful, that’s what matters. Not how much money you spend.”

Aaron kissed him, then again and Robert’s hands started stroking his body with interest. “Yeah?” Aaron asked.

“Sounds like an idea,” Robert said. “Start the day right.” Aaron laughed into another kiss.

* * *

Robert felt awkward at the Dingles for about twenty minutes before he fell into the swing of it. Lisa and Chas were cooking, Cain, Sam and Zak were getting pissed in the corner and Belle seemed happy enough chatting with her younger cousins. Oh, then there was the Monty and Gemma stand off. Gemma growled, and Monty barked loudly for five minutes, before they decided they were the best of friends. The alcohol was flowing freely, and Robert felt buzzed before he’d even been here more than half an hour.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked, squeezing in next to Robert on the sofa, the two dogs curled up on the other end.

“Yeah,” Robert said.

“We won’t stay all day,” Aaron promised.

“I want to walk up to where the old farm was,” Robert said. “Just to remember.”

“Alone? Or with me?”

“With you, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Aaron said, kissing the top of his hair. “Are you happy?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I love you.”

* * *

“Okay, why are we here?” Robert asked. Aaron felt excited and nervous about this. After the fireworks incident, he felt fairly sure that Robert would like this, but he also hadn’t told him exactly why they were here, or what to expect.

“I wanted to try something,” Aaron said. He had the light controls in his hand and looked at the light screen, filling up one entire wall. At the moment it wasn’t switched on, and Aaron hit the button, filling the room with a bright white light. In fact it was so unexpectedly bright that Aaron flinched away from it while Robert gasped. The rest of the room had no natural light, so the sudden change made Robert very aware of the difference, able to see the outline of Aaron’s body. “I wanted to recreate it, if I could,” Aaron said.

“Stand side on to the light,” Robert said quietly. Aaron moved so that his profile was the shape Robert could see. He smiled softly and ran a finger down the centre of Aaron’s forehead, along the edge of his nose and down to his lips. Aaron sucked his fingertip for a split second, making both of them smile, Robert continuing to trace down his chin. “You’re beautiful. I don’t think I tell you that often enough. Just because I can't see you doesn't make it less true.” Aaron felt himself flush red, and the sudden bout of nerves hit him like a train. God, was he really planning on doing this? The box felt heavy in his pocket. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Aaron said. “I’m just a bit… I wanted you to like all this.”

“I do like it,” Robert said. “I love it, that you’re so thoughtful.”

“It changes colour as well,” Aaron said, clicking a button and the light screen changed to blue. “It’s hard, because I don’t know what you see, or what you don’t see.”

“My vision will never be what it was,” Robert said. “I will never see you in detail but this? It’s amazing. It’s so much to see you, even if you’re blurred and mostly shadow.” Aaron swallowed nervously. “You’re not talking.”

“Because there’s so much I want to say to you and I’ve got no idea where to start.”

“What’s up?” Robert asked, holding Aaron and staring at him as intently as he knew how to do.

“I love you,” Aaron said. “You know that don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Of course. You do so much for me, of course I know it. I feel it too.”

Aaron took the box out of his pocket, and handed it to Robert so he could feel it. “Will you marry me?” Aaron asked quietly. Robert found the hinge on the box and opened it, touching a pair of silver rings.

“Oh, my God,” Robert said, stunned. “You’re serious.”

“I went ring shopping, I’m damn serious,” Aaron said, biting his lip hard. “Are you going to say anything, or are you going to leave me in suspense?” He felt so unbelievably nervous, and he wanted this more than anything else. He wanted Robert to be his for good.

“You want to marry me?”

“I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” Robert smiled, a truly happy smile as he touched the rings, almost reverently. “A smile’s not a no,” Aaron noticed.

“You haven’t asked me properly,” Robert said. “You take me to one of the only places in the world I can see your outline, and you don’t get down on one knee?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Aaron said, grinning back. “You want the whole works?”

“Why not?” Robert asked. Aaron sighed dramatically, then did what he asked. Only because it’s Robert. Robert could make out the shadow of a person in front of him, and he felt the bubble of happiness inside him.

“Robert, will you marry me?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I will. Course I will.”

“No, the other one,” Aaron said, taking the correct ring out of the box and giving it to him. “That one fits you.”

“How do you know that?”

“I borrowed your ring to Chrissie to get this one sized up,” Aaron said. “I put it back, don’t worry.” Aaron slipped it on Robert’s finger, and Robert took the other one, only slightly clumsily and put it on Aaron’s hand.

“We’re engaged?” Robert asked.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Did I surprise you?”

“God, yeah,” Robert said. “I wasn’t expecting this. I thought… Wow.” Aaron grinned, thrilled.

“We can stay here for a bit longer,” Aaron said, looking around the light room. “I booked an hour. I wasn’t sure how long you’d want…”

“To look at you? I want forever.”

“We’ve got forever,” Aaron promised him. He grabbed Robert’s waist and pulled him into a deep fervent kiss. One that felt like it lasted an eternity.

* * *

“I want to ask you something,” Robert said.

“Okay,” Aaron replied. “What?”

“Okay,” Robert said. “I’ve not… been on a flight since I lost my eyesight. I want a holiday somewhere. Somewhere hot, a beach with sand as fine as sugar, somewhere exotic. With you,” he added, in case it wasn’t obvious.

“Really?” Aaron said.

“Of course with you,” Robert said. “I’ll need to take Gemma, so we’ll have to get that sorted, but tanning on some random beach with you… I really want to go away.”

Well, it didn’t take Aaron much persuading, did it?

* * *

**Two months later.**

Robert felt himself thawing out, lying on a sandy beach and the sun giving him a tan and probably a few dozen more freckles. He knew Aaron wouldn’t mind, he liked kissing along those freckles. Robert enjoyed it too.

“Can I take her harness off?” Aaron asked. Robert knew that Aaron was itching to play with Gemma in the water, and he nodded.

“Let me do it.” Robert unclipped her and took the straps off. “You’re officially off the clock,” Robert teased the dog, Gemma licking his fingertips before following Aaron into the water. Robert couldn’t stop smiling. He could hear Aaron’s shouts and wails, hear the splashing, could taste the salt on the air and he’d never been more content. He didn’t feel like he was missing anything. He’d never seen Aaron, or Gemma, so it almost felt like… there was nothing making the picture incomplete. It settled over him in an instant. He knew without a doubt that Aaron was the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He felt safe and secure and so in love. Aaron was it for him.

He hadn’t been prepared when Aaron had asked him to marry him. He loved Aaron and wanted a life with him, but still it had come as a shock. Less than a year? Too soon maybe? He still hadn't hesitated saying yes, because it made him so happy, just the thought of it. Still a shock to him though, he knew, curling his hand around his ring. But now? He felt so secure and safe right now, that this was the life he’d ended up with.

He felt that contentment when Aaron came back from the ocean, wet through. Gemma curled up on her towel, panting next to them as Aaron laid on top of Robert.

“You’re cold and wet,” Robert said, not moving.

“Mm,” Aaron agreed before kissing Robert slowly. “Warm me up. Do you mind?”

“No,” Robert said, smiling. “Stay on top of me all day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it, the end!! This chapter took a lot out of me, because it's dealing with some of their angsty canon history, but I didn't want to remove that either.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, and thank you for reading to the end.
> 
> Any mistakes in Robert's condition I apologise for. I've done my best, with research and I hope I haven't messed up too badly.  
> I don't know if a light screen such as at the end of this story exists, but I wanted it to. I've also invented Gemma's treatment details on her leg, but I didn't think anyone would mind.
> 
> Thank you.


End file.
